Random Rim Jobs

[This was submitted to me a long time ago.  I didn't post it sooner because, well, I find it repulsive.  But because I need material and because this is a good example of what I don't like, I thought I'd post it.  Everything in italics is mine.]

At first, I’m a little shy – not the casual cool I tend to be – but her tweets and blog have gotten me hard and gotten me off so many times, I’m nervous. I also feel as though I need to impress her. I don’t want to be another run-of-the-mill blog-spot about how I was lame in bed when I try to get a hold of her for another encounter.

We go for drinks and I start to mellow out, relaxing and staring at her gorgeous ass is starting to give me a semi. I can’t take it anymore, I need to have her. I masturbated to the idea of the things I’d do to her last night. I was extremely excited but still maintained a nervous edge. Butterflies. Just be cool.

“Why don’t we get out of here and you can sit on my face?” I say, in my care-free tone, persuasive body movement. She’s a good little slut and agrees, we go back to my place.

Just as we enter the front door, we start making out. I’m not big on kissing, but people tell me I’m good at it.
I pull down her pants and her thong and spin her around, grab her hips and on my knees I start to lick her asshole, parting her ass cheeks with my hands and enjoying every single lick.

I lay down and pull her on top of me, her ass is smothering my face. It’s delicious, my cock begins growing in my pants and she reaches down and undoes them, moving my boxers aside to get to my raging cock – it’s small, 3.5 inches. I hope she doesn’t mind. [She does.]
She grabs and strokes it with her hand, but I reach under her and move her hand aside and hold her still. Enjoying her gorgeous ass.

After a few minutes I lift her up just enough so I can speak. “Now, you can suck it bitch!” She leans in and starts sucking [Uh, no she wouldn't.], I slide my tongue from her asshole to her delicious little pussy. She’s so moist and has an amazing aroma, just how I’d imagined it. I kiss her inner thigh, licking it and then suck on her pussy lips. She moans gently and finally I attack her clit with my tongue. Her mouth is so warm around my cock and she sucks it so well, I could cum [sic] instantly.

I lift her off of me and push her down on the floor, she gets up into the doggy style position and looks back and smiles. I twirl my index finger around her moist little asshole and then insert it. I insert a second finger and then a third, her asshole is soft and stretched [which he needn't have bothered to do considering the size of the penis]. She’s moaning gently and still smiling.

I bend down and shove my dick in her ass, fast with no remorse. She loves it, I know she does. She blogs about being an anal whore. The depths of her asshole are surprisingly tight. I fuck her, pulling her hair back and slamming my cock into her gorgeous ass. She’s screaming, she loves my cock [She would not love that cock.] – good for her. She’s behaving nicely. I could fuck her ass all day. I grab her hips and lift her up a little, slamming my cock into her harder and harder. She’s bucking.

Her pussy starts squirting onto my hard wood floor. [This is clearly a guy who doesn't understand pussies and squirting.] I pull my cock out of her insides [What a gross way to describe that.] and move to the couch. I bend over the couch and she instinctively gets on her knees and starts eating my asshole. She’s very well behaved. I reach back and hold her head in my ass. It’s never been eaten so well. I could come from this alone. She spits on her hand and reaches under me, grabbing my cock and stroking it in motion with her soft wet tongue. I don’t want to cum [sic]. I want it to last forever.

I stand up, she keeps eating my ass. Her tongue slides up and down my asshole. I move away and go to the closest and pull out a strapon, she smiles with glee. It’s 12 inches long and 3 inches wide. She reaches for it, but I hold onto it and shove it inside her wet cunt. She moans out but she takes the entire thing, I pound her with it while I rub her gorgeous tits.
Her pussy sprays again, all over the sofa this time. I’m going to need to hire a maid to clean up her puddles.

I give her the strap on and she fastens it to her waste [sic]. I lean down and suck on it, taking as much as I can until I gag. Getting it as wet as possible. I reach behind her while I suck it and finger her ass. Finally, I give her ass a swift smack and bend over the sofa. She pushes it in me and I could almost scream, I grab the couch. I’ve never been fucked before, but I want to impress her.
After a minute or two, it feels great. I start moaning, she tells me to stroke my cock and be a good bitch.
She keeps pounding, relentlessly. I’m going to cum [sic], I can’t hold it anymore.

I moan “I’m cumming, I’m cumming,” and she stops, ripping the brutal dildo [Oh, those brutal dildos!] out my ass and she bends over. I push it [Which "it," the dildo or his cock?] in her ass and shoot my load deep inside of her. [Oh, his cock, what there is of it.] She looks back smiling again and after my cum [sic] is drained into her ass she tells me to lay down. I do what I’m told. She squats over me. Her ass hovers over my face. She rests her hands on my stomach and asks if I’m ready. “Keep your mouth open,” she says.

I open my mouth and her asshole starts to pucker out. My cum [sic] comes dripping out of her ass and directly onto my tongue. I swallow it. It tastes amazing. She lowers her ass and I instinctively clean her asshole with my tongue. She’s still pushing and starts to piss on my chest. Uh, my best shirt but it was worth it.

She stands up and I stand up. She puts her pants on, fastens her shirt, leaving her panties on my floor for me to keep. She looks at me and gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. She smiles and walks away without saying anything, she walks out the front door. I hope she calls me back for a return encounter.

[Uh, gross.  This would most definitely not be a good date for me.]