Random Rim Jobs

Since I’m being political lately, I decided to join NARAL Pro-Choice America for Blog for Choice Day, January 22, 2012.  The date is important because it’s the anniversary of Roe v. Wade.

Right wing nut jobs – hello, Rick Santorum – think that court decision and all the hoopla since has been all about killing babies.  There is nothing a “pro-abortion” activist likes more than killing babies.  I know one of my favorite pastimes is watching piles of dead babies burn as worthless medical waste.  The scent of incinerating souls makes me feel a little high, which is how I know I’ll have a great time in hell.

I’d like to think that no one is truly “pro-abortion.”  I know I’m not.  In my perfect world abortions would not be necessary because everyone who got pregnant would want to be pregnant, and would be able to afford to raise the kid into a productive member of society and all that.  In my perfect world there would also be plenty of sexy sex, both potentially procreative and otherwise.  In my perfect world everyone who wanted fail-safe birth control would have access to it, thereby preventing any oopsie pregnancies.

Alas, the world is not perfect and sometimes the sperm swim towards eggs without asking if that’s what they should be doing.  And sometimes the sperm fertilizes the egg and that egg implants in a welcoming uterus.  Then that fertilized egg in its cozy home goes to work splitting and so on.  Zygote.  Fetus.  Birth.  Baby.  Which is all well and good if the goal is Baby.

If the goal is not Baby there are medical procedures called abortions.  No, I don’t think abortions are birth control.  I think birth control is birth control.  The goal, at least for me, is to make sure a fertilized egg does not find a cozy home in my uterus.

But I like knowing that if the precautions I have taken fail, that I have one more option to assure no Baby.  Because I’m way too old to change my selfish, lazy, alcoholic ways now.  Besides, my genes are shitty and I probably only have about 20 years of lucid thoughts left.

Due to my diligence with hormonal birth control I have never been pregnant.  There was a very short time when I was married that I considered trying to get pregnant but the timing never worked out with the finances or the maturity of the proposed father.  It was around then that I had to reassess whether, if I got pregnant through birth control failure, I would have an abortion.  For a short time the answer was no, but at all other times it’s been yes.

You see, us ladies have to ask ourselves, “What if?” every time.  Not every time we have sex (if we’re using reliable forms of birth control) but every time our life’s circumstances change.  Would I have a child now?  No fucking way.  If, by failure of my IUD I got pregnant, I’d march my ass to my local Planned Parenthood and talk to the folks there about terminating the unwanted, unplanned, and unaffordable pregnancy.

While I’ve never been pregnant, I’ve known plenty of women who have been.  Some had babies, some had abortions.  Some have done both.  Not one person I’ve ever talked to who had an abortion thought it was a pleasant experience or one they wanted to repeat.  One called the post-abortion communal recovery room the Room of Sadness.  Why would anyone want to hang out in a Room of Sadness?

That is why I am pro-choice.  It’s not because I like dead babies (though they can be funny), it’s because I don’t want to have to deal with any sort of Baby thoughts whatsoever, and because I never want to hang out in a Room of Sadness.  I choose to avoid Rooms of Sadness by choosing to use safe and effective – and legal – birth control.  Of course I’m not the only one.  There are lots of us out there.

Which brings me to the “mandate” of Blog for Choice Day: How will you help elect pro-choice candidates in 2012?  Fuck, I don’t know.

Yes, I’m lazy, but I’m not that lazy.  And I’m not apolitical.  When I lived in California it was easy because access to abortions is in the state constitution; NARAL gives the state an A+ in choice-related law.

Illinois, however, gets a B-, which means I have some work to do in my new home.  Seems both of Illinois’ US Senators – Richard Durbin and Mark Kirk – are pro-choice, as is the US Representative representing my district, Danny Davis.  Of course I know that those folks don’t have anything to do with state laws because I went to public school and learned all about that.

Illinois’ current governor, Pat Quinn is pro-choice, but who knows how long until he’s in prison.  (No, I’ve not heard anything, but going by past Illinois’ governors’ track records, I wouldn’t be surprised.)  My State Representative Ann Williams is pro-choice.  I had some trouble finding out whether Illinois State Senator John Cullerton was pro-choice, and had some doubts considering he’s Catholic.  Then I saw that “Illinois Review: crossroads of the conservative community” (Click at your peril because it made my skin crawl.) called Illinois a “pro-abortion” state and said Mr. Cullerton consistently “opposed protecting unborn humans” and I knew he was ok.  (Helping my opinion was that he voted for medical marijuana, same-sex civil unions, and stem-cell research.)

What I’ll do to elect pro-choice candidates in 2012 is … vote for the incumbents.  See, I am lazy.  And that may not be all I’ll do, but I’ll do at least that.  Before research for writing this, I had no clue what the voting records or choice-stances were held by the people purporting to represent me.  Hell, I didn’t know who represented me.  I know now.

Do you know who represents you?  Are you happy with their voting records on choice?

Still not convinced you need to do something?  Take a look at this easy-to-read infographic provided by NARAL Pro-Choice America:

I swear.  True story (that needs to change).

It was a good year, a very good year. A year of living in Chicago. A year of living with the Viking. A year of taking care of the animals, Isis and Joaquin. A year of taking art classes. A year of meeting new people. A year.

When we moved into our current apartment on January 1, 2011, we saw a lot of beer, liquor, Four Loco, and other assorted alcohol-related receptacles discarded in the “green” space between the sidewalk and the curb.  What the fuck is that called?  At first I was upset that we’d moved to a neighborhood that had so much litter, but then I realized it was New Year’s Day so the amount of trash was unusual.

Only it wasn’t.  Our neighborhood has a lot of litter all the time, year round, thanks to being in a college neighborhood.  Those irresponsible drunk fuckers are always tossing aside various things and being general shits.  Then there are the sale fliers for various stores close by that come in condom-like bags that hang from doorknobs – there are a lot of those, probably once a week.  And there are the restaurant adverts.  I always assume that if I place is trying so hard to get business that they must not be that good.  I give ‘em a try, but so far I’ve experienced only mediocrity, and a whole lot of trash, from those places.

So we live in a litter-strewn neighborhood.  Which is not to say it’s a trashy neighborhood, because it’s anything but.  It’s kind of a snobby neighborhood, which is why it’s strange that there’s so much trash that seems to be acceptable.  It is.

That was the beginning of the year.  We got used to a lot, and we’re still adjusting to some, but it’s been fun and interesting.  Until we got our stuff and internet and all that, we hung out at the big, fancy Whole Foods just so we could go online.  And eat.  And sit on anything but the floor.  Then we got our stuff and it was a process to unpack, arrange, donate, and settle.  The Viking went to work and I wandered around.  I walked Isis in an effort to explore.  I took some classes, mostly art, but also film and archery.  I kayaked.  We had visitors.  I had some trouble making friends.  We met other people and even had sex with some of them. We had another visitor, my father, and the visit went surprisingly well.  The animals are getting older and having ailments that are associated with that sort of thing.

Overall it hasn’t been all that eventful a year, which I like.  It’s been pleasant, which I like.  I feel so lucky to feel so damn happy.

I have hopes that 2012 will feel as wonderful.

I swear.  True story.