Random Rim Jobs
I swear. True story.badcowboy-2
Posted on December 27, 2011[Warning: This post will come across as bitchy, catty, snarky, and, some will think, just plain mean. Too fucking bad. It's my blog and I'll do what I want with it. Some people are so dumb they don't even know they're being made fun of. Yes, I pick on those less fortunate than myself.
This is the second time writing this because fucking WordPress signed me the fuck out and didn't let me save the draft. Consequently, I'm a wee bit pissed off. That means it might be even bitchier than I originally envisioned.]
I recently received a message on OkCupid, “Nice attitdue and mouth at the bottom. Loved your profile till then. Omg some people actually own a car and might dribe the 20 minutes too you.”
He didn’t seem to like the fact that the final paragraph of my profile is written in all caps and that it says – for the third time in the profile – that I have no interest in anyone who doesn’t live in the city of Chicago, even if he has a car and is willing to come to me. Not that I need to justify my desires, but if a guy lives in the burbs where the fuck are we supposed to fuck, if we want to fuck? I’m sure as shit not going to the burbs. Chicago has great public transportation so there’s no good reason to drive in the city. And the environment and all that.
Even if the guy wasn’t on about a car, he had misspelled four words in three sentences including using the wrong to/too/two. It’s in my fucking profile that spelling, grammar, and punctuation matter to me. Many have complained that those things are unimportant, that the chemistry between the people is what matters. That’s true, but I’ve been doing this long enough to know that I won’t have any chemistry with someone who doesn’t know the difference between “til” and “till.” I suppose all his misspellings could be attributed to typos – he was so angry at seeing that he didn’t qualify for me that he was typing really hard and really fast, mixing up the letters in “attitude,” typing too many letters in “till” and “too,” and missing the V for the B in “drive.” If that’s the case, then he’s careless, something to which I am not attracted.
I’m also not attracted to pointless lashing out. He saw that we weren’t a match but instead of moving on he felt the need to send his carefully worded message. I had one for him as well, “So you went out of your way to send me a misspelled message because you like your car? I would think that with all the entertaining options out there you’d have something better to do.”
That would have been that, but he couldn’t let it go so he sent another message, “And your still complaining[.]“ That’s it, motherfucker. I was being nice before, but then he sent me a message without the courtesy of a fucking period (or the correct your/you’re).
“And you still don’t know how to spell. Lame shithead.”
Then I took a look at his profile. So many gems all in one place!
This is his main profile picture. The quality is astounding!
In the “details” section he indicated that he was a basic white guy with a college education. That, and that he claimed to be fluent in English both surprised me, but I guess education isn’t what it used to be.
He had recently updated his profile including wishing readers a Merry Christmas, and asking for suggestions on how to have better luck on OkCupid. Because I’m all generous and shit I decided to read the rest of the profile so I could give him some advice.
Under “What I’m doing with my life”:
I am tired, so many projects so little time.. I just redid my whole front of my truck,I was all over the road before this. N Good for another 300k
I try to eat healthy as much as possible but not a freak about it. Still need my coke. Sorry folks ya need some taste aka fat. No fat = no taste.
I walk often and been doing that since I was a kid. Always to this day walk around my neighborhood almost everyday. Sundays at the flea market much walk 2 – 4 miles.
I have some nice plants in my back yard that came with the house and trying to improve upon every year. My butterfly bush is so big and flowery should see all the butterflies I get. Also threw some tomatoes out last year in the yard for the animals ( as I love animals even find spiders in my house and let them outside instead of squashing )and some how they sprouted plants this year. Cool
Of course it’s just plain poorly written. Though he indicated that he never did drugs, I guess he’s unwilling to consider his daily cocaine habit; he needs it so it must be medicine. My absolute favorite – every time I read it I laugh out loud, literally – is “I walk often and have been doing that since I was a kid.” Really, you’ve been walking since you learned how to walk? How amazing. Basically, the guy just seems really fucking boring, and not too smart.
He’s “really good at”:
Shooting stick, golf, tennis, bowling, air hockey, darts, computers and restoring older cars. Love riding Quads Chevelle. Can fix almost anything and have the second largest tool box sears makes to prove that. It is cheaper to do the job and buy the tools to do it then have it done. When you buy good tools they last forever too. I have my dads tools and maybe some of his dads. Got some big tools and always wanting bigger ones. Craftsman tools and Chevy cars / trucks.
Real men don’t need instructions. (seen that one a T-Shirt at Sears and loved it fits me well)
Interesting facts:
I haven’t had a credit card in 10 years.
I haven’t had a full time job in 10 years or so.
I have 5 college degrees and two minors.
Associates in Applied Science
Associates in Arts
Associates in Computer Science
Bachelors in Computer Science with Certificate in Information Security
Bachelors in Interdisciplinary Studies with Minor in Management Information SystemsI have two certifications
Comp Tia A Plus
Comp Tia SecurityI have many cars and trucks.
I have never broken a bone.
I never owned a new car or new lawnmower
I can fix almost anythingMy last few cars and trucks were under $500 (my truck I currently drive has over 288k and not scared to take it anywhere. Love big tires and the noise they make down the road.).
I think he wants bigger tools because he wants a bigger tool in his pants. 
Mostly though the guy is a tool. Did he realize he was writing his profile to attract potential sex partners? Because it reads like he’s looking for a buddy. And he’s not even ambitious: Why doesn’t he have Sears’ largest tool box?
The guy may have five college degrees, but the guy is still a ‘tard. An associate degree is, in effect cancelled out by a bachelors degree. There’s no point in him mentioning the lower degrees after he earned his higher ones. As the Viking said, “It’s like saying he completed a four year program, as well as the first two years of that program.” (Or something like that, I wasn’t recording him.) I’m surprised he didn’t mention that he graduated from junior high and high school, or that he walked to school.
The Viking assured me that all the degrees and certificates make the guy one of those annoying IT guys you might have at your office, not a programmer or anything that would allow him to actually create things.
He has no clue what people first notice about him but guesses it’s his blue eyes. How the fuck can anyone tell what color his eyes are when he posts pictures like this? My guess is that no one notices him at all.
He mostly listens to country music and was nice enough to provide a link to a play list. Toby Keith, Garth Brooks, Lonestar, Keith Urban, and even Johnny Cash. I wonder if he knows that “Hurt” was not originally Johnny’s. He likes 80s and 90s music. Way to go out there and expand beyond what you listened to on the radio when you were a kid, buddy.
Like CSI shows, some sci fi and muscle car and 4 x 4 shows on Spike on Sat and Sun mornings.
Mexican and ItalianLike Pizzera Unio, Cheesecake Factory, Cracker Barrel and Northwoods.
A good home cooked pot roast w mashed potatoes is the bomb or even using the grill.
This guy is boring as shit. Why did he think we’d get along?! His most heinous crime is his taste in restaurants. Yep, I’m a food snob, which is one of the many reasons I don’t like the burbs, where the choices seem to be limited to shitty chain restaurants. At least he can cook, and even use a grill.
I may focus on sex a lot, but isn’t the point of meeting someone via OkCupid to eventually have sex? So I appreciate it when a guy’s profile says one of the six things he couldn’t do without is sex or women, or some combination thereof. Our cowboy, here, listed only five things, three of them being modes of transportation. The other two were computer and cats. Just. So. Fucking. Boring.
He spends “a lot of time thinking about” getting a masters, but what seems to be holding him up is that he’ll have to shell out about a grand for GMAT prep classes because he had a low GPA. Told you he was a dummy.
Then I began to feel kind of sorry for the guy because he said he spends a lot of time thinking about whether he’ll “find the one” for him, and he admits he’s no good at approaching women (though he wrote “woman”) “or understanding any of them.” Poor, sad, lonely, dumb, bad food eating, boring guy. I get the idea that maybe Mom wasn’t around. He definitely never had sisters. But surely by the time a person is 37 he’ll have figured out how to talk to the objects of his affection. From his messages to me I think he’s still in the elementary school stage of hitting girls and running away when he likes them. Yet he posted not one, but two, photos out of which he’s cut a woman. Yep, it’s true that he doesn’t understand women, or how not to be tacky. I especially like that he took the time to cut out the woman (or women) but then didn’t bother to crop the rest of the photo. This guy’s no visual artist.
I still have no clue why he bothered to get to the bottom of my profile considering he’s looking for women who are single. It’s probably that he’s dumb and doesn’t know OkCupid’s difference between “single” and “available,” something I’ve had to explain to a couple of guys.
I no longer felt pity for him when I read his “you should message me if” section:
Not looking for penpals. If you need more then a month of back and forth daily emails and not ready to get past the first meeting it will not work.Please send a personal emailnot something like “we have lots in common” . Tell me what made you reply, Else I know you didn’t read my profile.Your in good shape, not scared to get dirty and have no kids.
Live in the area not hours away unless its STL or AZ. .Must have a full picture not just your head. Must not be scared to meet. ;)Side note : If I save you as a favorite, its cause we like your profile but getting tired of writing long personals emails only to be deleted and sometimes never read just deleted. Yet you woman cant find a good man. So feel free to say hey.Thanks so much
Every fucking grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistake made me hate him more. And his demands made me know that he’s a fucking ridiculous loner who probably has never had an adult relationship.
And then I saw why he got to the end of my profile, “not scared to get dirty.” He saw that I listed myself as bisexual and thought I must be “dirty.” While I am quite dirty, not every person who considers herself bisexual wants threesomes and so on. Or maybe he meant he wanted someone to help fix things with him, who wouldn’t fuss when she got dirt under her natural (he hates fakes) fingernails. When his writing is so shitty it’s no wonder it’s not clear what the fuck his version of “dirty” means.
That he’s making such demands, they must be in shape and child-free, when he’s not provided that information himself just screams how clueless he is. Inexplicably he makes an exception to his rule that the lady should be close geographically with the city of Seattle and the state of Arizona. Huh?
I like how he thinks he knows what any of the women to whom he writes does with his messages. How the fuck would he know if the messages are 1) read, 2) deleted, or 3) deleted prior to reading? Since it takes him so much brain power to compose messages, he’s upset that they don’t get responses. I’m not the only one who cares about grammar, etc.
I like how he switched to the royal “we;” I’m sure he knows why he did it. “Yet you woman can’t find a good man.” No, she (cause he must be talking to a single woman) just finds you not a good man.
Notice that he’s not smiling with teeth in any of these photos? That’s a sure sign of some fucked up teeth. At least he knows enough to hide ‘em.
I was still nice enough to give him some advice: “You’re not having any luck on OkC b/c your profile makes you seem dumb and boring. Just a little tip for you. You’re welcome. “Coke” is the drink, “coke” is the drug.” Then I blocked him.
I swear. True story.
jerking off
Posted on November 11, 2011Shazam and I picked up a Tenga Egg at a Pleasure Chest sale recently. After I tried it out we had a short discussion about masturbation. This led to her asking me to write about it.
Free hand
We all started here. It’s all you really need. Grab a Kleenex, whip it out and start fapping. The problem is with the money shot. Just letting it go can be messy. Grabbing a Kleenex and covering up at the last moment to limit the mess can cause you to lose your momentum. You do get good at it, though. If you’re undressed and lying down you can just come on your belly and clean up afterward.
Using a condom
I started jerking off with a condom on when I went non-monogamous to get (re)used to fucking while wearing one. This has several advantages. You put some lube in the tip, roll it on once you’re hard, and off you go. The condom slides smoothly near the tip while staying snug at the base of your cock. When you come the condom catches it. Then you can slip it off carefully so as to avoid spillage. Clean up with a Kleenex and you’re done. You don’t need to worry about getting come on your clothes, furniture, or keyboard. Condoms are cheap as well.
We saw these a while back and thought we should give them a try. Later, we found them on sale while shopping at The Pleasure Chest. When the sales clerk suggested the “eggs” could be turned inside out and put on the heads of Hitachi Magic Wands, Shazam was sold on it.
I gave it a try for its intended use. I washed it, and added lube as prescribed. I spun up some porn and slipped the egg over my now erect cock and went at it. One thing we wondered was if the texture on the inside would be overly discernible. I didn’t find it to be. It was like jerking off in a sloppy, thick, ill-fitting condom. Furthermore, lube made its way down my cock and out of the egg, resulting in a puddle in my [well-trimmed – Shazam] pubes. The desired result was achieved, but as the egg isn’t snug like a condom, it was harder to keep stuff from spilling out afterward. I wasn’t overwhelmed by either the utility or tidiness of the egg.
Summary
My choice is to masturbate either by hand if cleanup isn’t a concern (i.e naked, and ideally lying down) or with a condom if it is. I found the egg impractical, messy, and with no advantage over a condom. Also, they’re damned expensive.
(Not So) Winning Opening Lines (Again x 9)
Posted on November 07, 2011Yeah, I know I said (more than once I think) I was done with these but they’re just too much fun. Yes, I have fun being snarky. But I promise I’m not mean. Well, not to them, just about them, here. This is the equivalent of talking behind someone’s back but these guys aren’t my friends so it’s ok. It’s the equivalent of commenting on a stranger’s outfit, or something like that.
Hi, I like your profile and think you are absolutely gorgeous. And (from what I can read) I think we are looking for the same thing. I’m not into games, but require discretion–hence why i don’t have a profile picture–but if you provide me with an email then i’ll send some pictures so that you can have a look and see if i’m your type. In short, i’m a young, but mature, sporty guy who is (and looks) scandinavian. Hope to hear from you, and explore the prospect of having mutually beneficial fun together. take care, Mark.
This one isn’t horrible, but I take issue with people who are ashamed to post a reasonable profile with photos. It’s fucking 2011, not 1994; people use the Internet for all sorts of things now. If the guy didn’t want his coworkers – or, more likely, wife – knowing he had an OkCupid account to look for pussy he could have indicated he was looking for friends and then disclosed fully if someone seemed receptive to fucking. Also, I don’t like having to do the work – I use OkCupid because it makes it easier to see and meet people.
i’m not sure but your hostility could be a need to be properly laid
I let this character know that I get laid plenty, by multiple people. And I do; I’m not wanting for a proper laying.
Wonder why you’re single..hmmmm. cunt much?
I let this character know that I was not single. There my profile was just sitting there not harming anyone and he made a point of being a nasty asshole to me. I didn’t write my profile at him so there’s no good reason he took it so damn personally. Maybe he was having a bad day.
Hi there how’s my future wifey doing besides gorgeous? :-)
This is just fucking gross. I’m not sure there’s anyone who would appreciate such a come-on, but because I’m sensitive to anything having to do with marriage, I found it downright horrible. I felt it necessary to let him know that his opening line and his profile sucked.
Would you be interested in going out with my gf and I? She has never been with a woman but wants to experience that. Her idea was to have the women fool around why I watch and then maybe I can join in later. She is 5’9″ 137 lbs. Dark hair and brown eyes. We are both professionals. I am sorry if this offended you.
This is not even close to the first time I’ve gotten a suggestive message that then apologized for being suggestive. It’s lame. My profile indicates I’m bisexual, open to casual sex, and interested in couples so there would be no reason to apologize for suggesting casual sex with a heterosexual couple.
I swear. True story.
Still Alive
Posted on November 04, 2011I haven’t died. I haven’t decided to stop posting. I haven’t blog-faded. What I have been is busy.
But Shazam, you don’t have a job, how can you possibly be busy? Well, asshats, working for the man isn’t the only thing that can fill one’s time. Do any of you really just work? No, you do other shit too, and so do I.
I will explain to y’all some of the “other shit” I do, something I didn’t bother to do for the Jazz Man. I had met the Jazz Man through OkCupid and knew I probably wouldn’t be having sex with him. I’m not sure if all people do the attraction math, but I do.
Attraction math works something like this: within the first five seconds or so of meeting someone I decide if, knowing nothing else about the person, I’d fuck him or her. From that point, various things will make me more or less likely to fuck the person. Or, looked at it another way, the person’s grooming, accent, teeth, attitude, for example, can add too or subtract from the original “score.”
Jazz Man’s hair was long and kind of gross – minus. Jazz Man explained to me, in a very condescending way, what “ovo-lacto vegetarian” meant – minus. I told him I was from California. Jazz Man then tried to explain to me, after many assertions on my part that I was not smart enough to get it, how into he was into some sort of perfect number or something – minus. He was a math professor who apparently hadn’t spoken to anyone not in his department for a while.
I told him I wasn’t looking to fuck, but to be friends. He was kind of offended but tried to play it off. We were trying to schedule another get-together but our schedules weren’t meshing; he went to France for a while, I had various things going on.
He showed his true colors when he said that I couldn’t possibly be busy since I don’t have a job. Maybe I’m defensive. I’m probably defensive. But not working does not mean not doing anything. I’ve been enjoying my art classes. I started yoga and I really am going to go more than once a week. I walk Isis. I just had a visit from my dad. I enjoy cooking and procuring things to cook. I volunteer. Archery. Kayaking. Sex. Film class. Book club. I do shit, dammit.
Well, Jazz Man didn’t think so. He thought I should be free whenever he was free since he had a job and I did not.
So I’ve been slacking here on Random Rim Jobs. It’s been nearly two weeks since I posted. While I don’t have a good excuse or reason, I’d been thinking for some time of cutting back from daily to five days a week, but that’s lame. Five days a week mimics the typical work week, something that I don’t have.
I’ve decided to post when I want to post. That way I don’t feel obligated to put out posts just for the sake of it. So maybe there’ll be a couple of posts a day. Or not. I sincerely hope not to have an absence of nearly two weeks. I’d be happy to post more things written by y’all. (ShazamChi@yahoo.com for submissions, which can be attributed anonymously or pseudonymously.)
I’m still alive. I’m living quite well in Chicago with the Viking and the animals. Winter’s coming.
I swear. True story.
Winning Opening Lines (These Worked)
Posted on October 18, 2011I get the idea from feedback that the barrage of what amounts to “look how dumb men are” posts is getting old. I’m sorry.
Not all the men with whom I deal are dummies. Some of them are not. Some of them I’ve fucked. The ones I fuck have passed several levels of scrutiny by the time their penises go inside me. The first level is, of course the opening line.
For every ten shitty opening lines I get one decent one. Each one of those doesn’t result in a fucking, but it results in more than my ridicule.
Hi, I like your profile and think you are absolutely gorgeous. And (from what I can read) I think we are looking for the same thing. I’m not into games, but require discretion–hence why i don’t have a profile picture–but if you provide me with an email then i’ll send some pictures so that you can have a look and see if i’m your type. In short, i’m a young, but mature, sporty guy who is (and looks) scandinavian. Hope to hear from you, and explore the prospect of having mutually beneficial fun together. take care, Mark.
Unfortunately, Mark’s profile lacked content. It said nothing and had no photos; there was nothing that would allow me to determine if I wanted to meet the guy. I don’t have the time, energy, or motivation to do the work necessary to get the information that would have been included in a good profile.
LOVE your profile. I really appreciate it when people state exactly what they want on here and I appreciate it even more when people are very upfront and blunt about it. I have little patience for the games people play on here myself…
At any rate, I enjoyed reading your profile and I suspect we might get along pretty well.
Cheers
Cameron
I not only responded to this guy but we scheduled a time to meet in person. I went to his neighborhood, which was a hefty bus ride away, and we had a nice conversation over a couple of drinks. Then we went back to his place that was unfortunately occupied by a roommate he hated and her dreadlocked boyfriend; we left. We had a pleasant time but nothing earth-shattering. I don’t think he was any more surprised that I didn’t contact him than I was that he didn’t contact me.
I’ve never come across a profile as direct as yours, I like it! What are you doing this weekend?
Michael
This guy and I set up a meeting as well, though it wasn’t for a weekend, when I spend my time with the Viking. We exchanged numbers and texted to coordinate schedules. First, we were going to meet on a Friday at a place of his choosing. Then, he had alternative plan and asked that we reschedule, which we did, to a place of my choosing. Five hours before we were to meet, he confirmed; all was on. Finally, a mere 13 minutes before we were to meet, he texted that he couldn’t make it. I consider that flaking and I let him know. He no longer has an OkCupid profile.
Hi…you keep coming up in my quiver so I thought I’d take a look….you’re absolutely GORGEOUS. We seem to have quite a bit in common, especially when it comes to sex. I’m very glad to see you’re honest about being here for sex and I’m excited you’d even consider performing anilingus on a partner….that is just incredibly hot….so hi. I’m Steve. Do you really swallow?
I know this would seem like it might be too forward for me to respond, but there must have been something about this guy – probably that he was nice enough to call me gorgeous – and his profile that caused me to respond. We were both busy for a while so we had to schedule well ahead. We had settled on a date, time, and place when I got this message:
Sounds excellent. Do you generally like to fuck on a first meeting if all goes well? If so, do you have condoms and lube and all that fun stuff or should I come equipped?
I appreciated that he asked – rather than assumed – about the fucking on the first meeting so I told him as much. I also answered his question – we wouldn’t be fucking right away. He didn’t indicate that if we weren’t going to fuck that our meeting was off so I went ahead and showed up on time.
He did not. I let him know that there’d be no other chance with me. He no longer has an OkCupid profile.
I had been flaked on twice in less than 18 hours, and those were the guys who’d had good opening lines.
I swear. True story.
The One Where I Reply to Criticism
Posted on October 17, 2011
anoncoward
anoncoward@mailinator.com
50.74.36.86
These types of posts can be funny, although too much can be wearing to read through. The question that it prompts for me however, is whether you are being fair in mocking some of the approaches you are apparently getting.
I mean your OkCupid profile says that you are interested in meeting in person versus chatting online or talking on the phone, but then you ding guys for suggesting a meeting too quickly.
Your profile also mentions that you are interested in casual sex, but you subsequently put down guys who simply follow up on that by suggesting casual sex.
More to the point however, is that I get the impression that you might not be clear on what you are really looking for. I mean, if all you are really interested in is having a good sexual experience, then why should a person’s casualness when it comes to written expression make any difference?
Given your earlier dating habits I can’t imagine that you are as discriminating in person as you tend to be when interacting with people online, or else your attitude has changed recently and you have decided to be more selective about your sexual partners.
Obviously you can do anything you want, and as I said I enjoy reading these sorts of posts. However, I thought you might want to know the impression that it creates in the minds of some readers.
Yeah, they can be wearing to read, which is the fucking point. I want to illustrate the bullshit I go through (completely by choice, I admit) reading things that are sent my way. I’m probably not fair, but I doubt anyone can be completely impartial as everyone comes with baggage.
I take issue with your use of “apparently.” There is nothing apparently about the messages I receive. I have repeatedly made clear that I don’t lie, that I don’t have the memory required for lying (without being a complete ‘tard), and that I lack imagination. I didn’t make any of this shit up, and if I could I would write more than phony OkCupid come-on lines. I hope.
I am interested in meeting in person. I don’t ding anyone for wanting to meet “too” quickly, but I do need to plan ahead. Sometimes I’m already booked two or more weeks out; I’m willing to schedule and chat/message/text in the mean time. I take issue with the guys who want to meet and fuck on the initial meeting. I take issue with guys who think that because we’re meeting we’re fucking. One of the major reasons I want to meet in person rather than chat is because I’ve had plenty of experiences where the guy and I got along online or on the phone (“Seattle Guy“) very well, but then when we met in person it was clear there was no chemistry. That means we’ll only fuck on the first date if things go very well.
Yeah, I’m interested in casual sex, as in I want to fuck guys without being their girlfriend or burdened by any other form of commitment. That does not mean I will fuck anyone who is willing to fuck me. “Casual sex” does not mean “indiscriminate.” I need to meet the guys in order to figure out if I want to have casual sex with them. I have a problem with the guys who think because I’m interested in casual sex at all that I must be interested in casual sex with anyone.
I don’t deny that my “standards,” such as they are, seem arbitrary. From one day to the next what I want may change based on my mood, my whims, the level of idiocy of the messages I get, etc. Not my hormones, as those don’t fluctuate all that much. So it is possible that I may not be clear on what it is I’m looking for, other than guys with whom I get along and whom I want to fuck. It’s both that simple and that complicated.
What is also both simple and complicated is the manner in which I weed guys out. As a woman willing to have casual sex, I receive a lot of messages from people, mostly men. I need easy ways to thin the herd. It could be that they must be at least a certain height. Or that they have a certain eye color. I choose that they must use proper grammar and spelling and they can’t have stupid user names, among others.
I would say I’m only pickier insofar as I don’t want to put up with the bullshit I put up with when I wasn’t so picky. I let some very questionable people into my home, something I’m not willing to do now that I live with someone. Rest assured, however, that my standards were the same then as now, but then I was more willing to compromise. I now live with a great guy who will fuck me any time I want so there’s no need for compromise.
Isn’t the Internet nice in that we no longer think we’re the only one to experience anything?
I swear. True story.
(Not So) Winning Opening Lines (Again x 8)
Posted on October 16, 2011Are you not interested in meeting up soon?
I’ve decided I really don’t like it when people seem too familiar with me. This guy was all of a 34% match with me and he decided that we should meet?
Yea. send me s txt 859 630 8329 and we’ll set up a time to get together, have dinner and see a movie.
A first meeting of dinner and a movie. Boring as shit. And cliché. Having to spend hours with some dude I probably won’t like sounds fucking horrible. But there was no good reason to meet the guy; our rapport was nonexistent.
come over, fool around and fuck
lay back and let my thick, warm, long tongue lick your pussy while my hand rubs your clit. how does that sound?
I live off grace and halsted, by the ihop in boystown.
Gross! And what is up with guys on OkCupid giving me their phone numbers and locations? I assured him that his proposition did not sound good at all.
not interested in meeting up with me and fucking?
Some guys are so fucking clueless.
Love your swallows shirt :) :)
Do any of them actually think that’s original? I got another message from the same guy.
Dang girl — been reading your questions -
You might be as horny as I am …..
You interested in trading pics ?
Bob
Bob’s user name had “fupa” in it. That makes me think FUPA, fat upper pussy area, which is not a pleasant thought at all. But Bob’s user name wasn’t his only problem. He lived in the burbs. He wanted to trade pictures. That would mean I would receive shots of a 53-year-old’s saggy balls. No thanks.
Hiya, I came across your profile on my matches page and well wow, needless to say… very impressive !! I read your profile and for what its worth, your pretty much what I’m looking for…..(ya know, what you can actually pull out of an online profile anyway). So what exactly are you on here looking for…..friend, friend w/ benefits, relationship, or something else ?? Well, I won’t bore you with a long drawn out email here, so I guess check out my profile if you want and see if we click. Hopefully I’ll be getting a message back from you soon !!!
I felt it was my duty to give the little fucker some advice. “You didn’t really read my profile or you wouldn’t have sent a message that has 1) run-on sentences, 2) the wrong it’s/its AND the wrong your/you’re, and 3) its sender living in any place other than the city of Chicago.”
Haha, I love your profile, but please move “chick or dude and a chick” to the top somewhere so other people don’t experience that disappointing moment of “oh, damn, I’m a just a single dude.” I feel like the referee of fun internet relations just shouted “disqualified!” after I already walked onto the court.
Guys do hate it to be pre-rejected. I let him know that individual guys were free to apply. We exchanged FetLife user names. His profile there was pretty average with a fetish list heavy on anal. He had a few pictures including a full frontal nude one and some of his tattoo sleeve. None of the pictures were of high photographic quality. I let him know that being into all things anal was not all that crazy.
haha, I’m into it both ways, but yes, sadly, it is no longer even remotely unique to be a guy really into ass play.
I have to run from work, but i had a really intense masturbation session involving myself, my fingers, my ass, and eventually, an 8″ thick dildo. Yesterday actually.
How the fuck was I supposed to respond to that? I like that he was included in his masturbation session – it was nice of him to invite him. Why would I care what size dildo he had in his ass and when? I congratulated him, because he seemed to need some sort of acknowledgement.
I swear. True story.
