Random Rim Jobs

so it looked like (forgive me please) he was fucking that guitar like there was no tomorrow. I was very turned on and not because I was stoned ’cause I wasn’t.

I have cookies in the oven – they’re for Laura so she’ll bring me toilet paper.

After they played, Beth went right up to Maury to hug him so I went right to Henry – but I didn’t hug him. I asked if he wanted his jacket back but he didn’t. I asked if he had fun and he said he was kind of bored and did he look it. I told him I liked the way he looked. I figure I’ll tell him how sexy he is later in our relationship. I don’t want to totally freak him out. Or maybe I should be direct – he did say he liked that. Well, we’ll see what happens. While the next band was playing we all had to wait around cause they were using our guys’ equipment (not their personal equipment though). We sat around the tail of Henry’s truck and got stoned and talked. Bill was still hyped after singing so he was loud and funny and of course I laughed loud and gross. I don’t like it when I’m loud, that’s why I cover my mouth and try to stifle my laugh. I also don’t look too hot when I laugh cause I smile too big or my mouth opens. Henry was saying how cold he was but he still didn’t want his jacket back. So finally he asked if I wanted to “sit in the truck and listen to music.” Hell yes. We were in there talking and stuff. People kept coming up to the window to talk to him so we didn’t really get to the point where I scooted a little bit closer and kissed him. But oh well. Then, when everyone was ready to go, Beth tried to say she couldn’t give me a ride home so Henry would’ve had to. But I didn’t want to impose and he didn’t offer and he was burned out. So we went home. Not even a good bye kiss or anything. Oh well, next time for sure. And I believe he was thinking about kissing me ’cause he asked me if my mouth “tasted like shit” (from the pot) and in the truck he kept saying how dry his mouth was. We each had a Lifesaver which did help the ol’ cottonmouth problem but that’s when he started having everyone ask him lame questions. Then when he finally had to go help load the stuff back into his truck he kept looking at me as he was getting out and with a cute look on his face. Oh and he kept bending over – first time in his back room right in the front of me – to expose his cute little butt. He had on faded jeans with holes in them (not, as I had at first suspected, strategically placed by him) with black spandex tight-type things underneath and a black button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. And the only reason he had his shirt unbuttoned enough for me to see his chest was ’cause he was hot from the coke. Or did I already put that? I wish my memory wasn’t so bad. Too much pot’ll do it to ya. This all started when I said he bent over – he had a cute LITTLE butt and nice skinny legs. But not skinny bad ’cause they are very cute in shorts, skinny good – they look good n pants and all the time.  While he was playing I started thinking about running my hands up and down his legs and sliping my hand into one of the holes that was on the back of his upper-right thigh.

I like the smell of wet cement.  Then we were driving home, I was really stoned and I was thinking about being in Henry’s truck with him and giving him head while he’s driving.  Only thing is, I was thinking about it in extreme detail.  Wow, I’m amazed even at myself.

For a while I didn’t like, or didn’t think I liked guys but I like Henry and he’s a guy so I must like guys.  The thought of him driving that big truck and being all powerful really turns me on.  I like masculinity.  But I still like girls cause I look and want to touch them.  Maybe it’s just the person I like male or female.

I think I’m gonna steal a big flood light from work to put in my brown lamp on the floor so it will be realy bright in here.

I mean whomever I happen to like, be it male or female, I find things attractive, sexy and appealing about them.  I was saying this to Laura and she said, “Suzanne, you’re bisexual.”  Just like that, matter-of-factly, and everything.  Why can’t I just be normal though?  Oh well, it’ll never happen.  D.J. told me when I was 14, I think, that I would always live an alternate lifestyle, be it with a male or female or by myself.

My hair falls out a lot – there’s hair all over my damn house – room.

Now that I have the time and energy (sort of) to make stuffed shells, I should.  But I don’t feel like it.

Wonder who’s gonna get impatient first?  He wanted to kiss me last night but didn’t.  I want him to kiss me.  I don’t want to make the first moves.  For some reason, with boys, I always have to be the first.  Does something about me scare on intimidate them?  So I act nervous, that’s normal, isn’t it?  One time when I was sitting on the hood of Beth’s car and he was leaning up against the side right next to me, he turned his head and I noticed out of the corner of my eye so I turned and asked, “What?!” like I always do.  He was all, “I didn’t say anything.”  Maybe he was going to kiss me – maybe not.  Who knows but he and he’ll never tell.

it’s an idea it can’t be seen i haven’t gotten stoned tonight and I don’t think i’m going to ’cause i have to go to work early in the morning well 9:30 but i’d have to leave at 8:40 henry hasn’t called me yet but maybe he won’t ’cause it’s friday night and he has better things to do but he did say he’d talk to me today so why hasn’t he called me? He didn’t call last night until 12:15 so perhaps when he gets home, he’ll call me to tell me what he did tonight. Or maybe he’ll be to tired and forget to call me. Oh, why do I have to wait around for him to call? Because I’m a boring woman. Am I even a woman? Scrotum – Laura called Deanna one outside her house. Sex is rotten. I always think about it and having it but at the opportunity I reject it. I

He’s already called me this morning. His other line beeped but he didn’t want to get it ’cause he knew it’d be for his mother and he’d have to go. So he didn’t answer it. But then there was another call and he was right, it was for his mom.So he had to go, but he’ll call back.

Someone came knockin’ at my door at around 1am or so this morning and thought I was hoping it’d be Henry proclaiming his undying love for me, I was happy that it was DJ. Yea. She got kicked out of Sherri’s and Traci’s ’cause they are no longer lovers but born-again Christians and just couldn’t have a lesbian in their home. And that was after she had to sit though Bible study. They were probably trying to save her before it’s too late. We’re going on something like 12 years she’s been like this and she doesn’t want to go back. She has lost a lot of weight and is doing well with her physical therapy. She’s going to try to get a passport so she can see the world. Well, heck, she doesn’t have to work so she might as well do something she’s wanted to do all her life.

I want Henry to come over here and be so happy that he kisses me. I just know he wants to – I hope I’m not totally fooling myself. I’ll drop subtle hints – “I figured you out, you’re not shy, you’re just very subtle.” And then I’ll say something about how I would have much rather have been alone with him Friday night. That’s very sweet that he drug, dragged his friends over here. They probably weren’t having all that much fun when they went to go get the alcohol and probably said something to that effect but Henry told them he was driving so they could just chill out ’cause he wanted to see me. I’m very happy. I also realize that I did all this stuff wrong when he was trying to drop one of his subtle hints. Oh well.

My neighbors are making an extraordinary amount of noise this fine morning. I only ask for some peace and quiet. Do I get any? No, of course not. I think I should wake Laura up.

I want to be fucked with a gun.  A hand gun.

I finally met Army Guy.  He is amazing.  So fucking cute.  Good fuck.  I like fucking guys who are cheating on their wives/girlfriends so long as they don’t talk about them.  Army Guy has a cute Southern twang when he drinks.

He was here just one night.  We went out to dinner at Weird Fish where he didn’t feel comfortable sitting with his back to the door.  Normally I don’t like to sit with my back to the door, but only because I like to people watch.  He, on the other hand, had legitimate reasons for being nervous considering the three tours of duty he did in Iraq and Afghanistan.

We went back to his hotel where the hotel bar claimed to be closing.  I think they could see that we’d had plenty to drink and didn’t want to serve us any more.  We went up to his room and raided the honor bar.

Army Guy was in the Army.  He also grew up in Alabama where he hunted and such.  Army Guy is very comfortable with guns.  He had a gun with him.

He showed me his gun.  He let me hold his gun.  They’re heavier than they look.

He told me to pull the trigger.  I completely trusted Army Guy to be safe with guns and knew he wouldn’t have let me hold a loaded gun.  I pulled the trigger.  It really did feel amazing.

It turned me the fuck on.  I’m a very liberal California girl who really doesn’t see any reason why people need to own guns.  No, I’ve not seen Bowling for Columbine.  (I can’t stand Michael Moore purely because of his fatness and ugliness; he needs to stay behind the camera.)

Nonetheless, I was fucking turned on holding the gun and pulling the trigger.  And that Army Guy knew how to handle a gun was a huge turn-on too.

I have never seen any sort of gun porn.  In general guns scare the shit out of me and I think NRA zealots are idiot assholes, but I could not help but be turned on.

We fucked with the gun next to us.  I asked him to fuck me with the gun, but I think he didn’t fully understand what I wanted.  I wanted to be fucked with the gun.

I couldn’t help it – getting fucked by a gun seemed so fucking wrong, which of course made me want to do it.

I really wish I’d had a bit less to drink on the one night Army Guy and I were together.  I don’t remember much but I remember him fisting me.  And I unfortunately remember me apologizing for every fucking thing.

I apologized for being too fat and unattractive and shitty in bed and everything else.  Vodka can tend to make me a bit of a sad sack.  Combined with that, Army Guy and I had had two years of build-up, and I felt like I was disappointing him by not being hotter.  No, that’s not sexy, and I hate being like that.

We spent the night in his hotel and then went to breakfast.  I wish I could have spent the day with him but I had to go work on a porn set.  We talked on the phone later.  He assured me he had a nice time and said he could tell I enjoy sucking cock.  Well, that’s good.

I swear.  True story

Beth said I should write this down so I won’t forget. After work I came home and then straight to the gym to work out.  I stayed there for quite a while to work out, etc.  Then I had to wait for the bus for a long time, then I walked home and I wasn’t really thinking of anything in particular until I got to my driveway and saw Henry’s truck behind Beth’s car.  Wow.  So I walk into my own home and say hello to everyone.  I was still sweaty and quite embarrassed.  Eventually, I had to take a shower and when I got out, the guys were gone to get alcohol.  I got the house cleaned up a little bit.  Henry and his two friends got back and Henry called his mother.  How sweet.  He asked her if she needed anything.  What a good boy.  Beth and her friend had to go get the friend’s boyfriend.  So Henry said something about my books of questions.  We get got? to the sex questions.  Anyway, one of them was how old you were the first time you had sex?  For some reason I had to answer first maybe ’cause I’m the hostess or something.  Anyway I said sixteen and Henry said fourteen?  How cute.  That means he’s probably been thought the awkward I-don’t-know-what-the-hell-I’m-doing stage and is probably to the I-know-exactly-what-I-want-and-how-to-please please-the-other-person stage.  Shit!  That nine years!  14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Wow.  He sort of laughed when I said mine.  He probably realized that that wasn’t so long ago.  Oh well.  I’m innocent aren’t I?  Once when he was handing me the lighter he let his hand linger and it touched mine.  Pretty neat huh.  Beth came back with a different girl.  Then eventually Henry just says well, I’m gonna get going.  It was before midnight.  It’s all very cute.  Anyway, Beth kept urging me to kiss him.  So I walked them to the door.  At the door he turned around and said he’d call me tomorrow, which is actually later today.  I wanted to kiss him so bad.  Beth wanted me to walk him out to the car but he was with the two not just one but two of his friends.  I just couldn’t do it.  Why am I so shy.  Henry’s not shy, just subtle.  I’m shy.  I can just tell he likes me.  He came over unannounced on a Friday night – a good party night – but I guess there were no parties.  Anyway, if Beth hadn’t been here, I would have been at the gym – which I was – and Henry would have left because no one was here.  Thank you Beth!  She got my extra key to get into my house and then she said right away someone knocked on the door and she thought it was me being a smart-ass.  But it was Henry.  Yea.  He must like me.  And a couple of times over the course of the evening we did make eye contact.  And he has had the nicest smile.  And a very cute butt.  His pants fell down to his hips – cutely, of course.  And he was wearing a short-sleeved shirt.  And he has great arms.  Of course I’ve already seen his adorable little legs.  So he’s supposed to call me.  Maybe, as Beth suggested, I should put in a request for a double date.  I want to be alone with him so we can kiss, etc.  I like him a lot.  Or maybe I’m just infatuated with him.  But I know he would be just a sweet boyfriend.  He would still go out and do stuff with his friends but he would special time alone set aside for me.  I would really like to kiss him.  He would be so soft and gentle at first to test how I react.  then after a few tentative kisses they would deepen and get more intense.  But I would want that to take a while ’cause I want it to be more than just sex.  I’m afraid he doesn’t get girlfriends he just has his friends and has sex.  But I want to be his girlfriend.  I want to be in a “normal” boy-girl relationship.  Is that too much to ask?  I think not, especially since that’s what will happen ’cause I’ll make it happen.  He’s so cute and he likes me!  I hope!  I think.  I want to be alone with him.  He’s just the sweetest.  Laura called when they were here and I subtly (however) let her know that Henry was here.  so now she’s goign to ask about what happened even though nothing did.  She’ll be disappointed.  Why are these late-night 900 number commercials so damn tacky?  His lower lip outs so cutely.  I want to see what I write in a few months when we’re fighting.  ‘Cause I’m confident something will happen.  He’s the type who wouldn’t press for one unless I did.  He always seems so cool – I find that kind of provocative, sexy, mysterious.  He likes me, he must.  I’ve decided.  I hate these fucking commercials.  They’re quite stupid.  I can’t find my remote which is quite depressing.  I’m watching a very interesting movie about a chick who kicks the ol’ valium habit.  Now she’s back form the mental hospital.  I’ll have to go work out tomorrow right when I wake up so I can go out or stay in tomorrow evening.  Now the movies is long and has gone on for as much story as necessary.  Now it’s just boring.  My hair feels like straw.  I like Henry a lot.  I don’t want Erica to call me again, I don’t like the way she makes me feel.  I deserve better.  I would like to get into Henry’s feelings – to know what he will do next.  I want to know him – to find him or make him weak.  For him to break down.  Not in a bad way but because of love or emotions.  The movie’s over, thank god.  I think I should go to slep.  If my neighbors ever try to make a lot of noise, I’ll be very angry.

I am a slut.  This is my purse.

1. One of my vibrators.  This is a LELO Elise.  I like that it comes with it’s own little travel bag, but I wish the supposedly intuitive buttons didn’t require quite so much intuition to make the thing go.
2. Martini change purse acting as my wallet.
3. Many, many condoms of all sorts of varieties and sizes.  I even have a female condom, which can be fun for a change of pace.
4. Toothbrush.  I never know when I’m going to be out all night and morning breath is just rude.
5. Coach business card holder.  It was a gift from the Ex for my law school graduation.
6. Ticket stubs from the SF MoMA and the Academy of Sciences.  I’m well-rounded and shit.
7. Lube is fun.
8. A lady always has access to tissues.
9. Bus fare – it’s $2 to ride Muni now.
10. Gum.  I don’t like bad breath one bit – it fucks with kissing.
11. iPod.  I refuse to be stuck somewhere bored as shit so I always have this with me.
12. Phone.  Yes, kids, that is what phones used to look like before they started to do everything but make phone calls.  I’m not what they call an early adopter.

Notice what I don’t have:  Makeup and panties.  Don’t wear much of either.

I swear.  True story.

[Continued from "Correctional Officer, Part 4."]

Since I was being accused of emailing CO too much anyway, I began to email him more.  And I began to seriously consider fucking CO.  Our emails went from innocent to dirty.  Eventually we set up a time that CO would come down to San Francisco so we could fuck.

If the Ex hadn’t pushed, I wouldn’t have set up the meeting with CO.  I swear.  I was already being accused of things I wasn’t doing so I figured I might as well do them.  Not a very mature attitude, but I was dealing with someone who was treating me like a child.

I arranged for a room at the W.  CO and I planned to go to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and then to our room at the W where we’d fuck.

On the appointed day I worked in the morning and then met CO in front of the MoMA.  I was kind of disappointed.  I had remembered CO being hotter and less dorky.  But I was stuck.

We walked around the museum.  But it still wasn’t time to check into the hotel.  So we walked to the mall.  It was boring.

We looked into going to a movie but couldn’t agree on which one.  We had shared a fantasy set in a movie theater, but I didn’t want to go into a movie that I actually wanted to see since I’d be distracted by – according to the fantasy – his fingers in my cunt.

Finally, we ended up sitting in one of the mall’s many seating areas.  I was nervous.  He was nervous.  After so many emails and phone calls we had nothing to say to each other in person.

But it was too late to back out.

We went to the W and went to our room.  For over $400 it sure was small.  It felt like the guy who checked us in knew what was up.  We were very nervous.

After we did the obligatory look around the tiny room we took in the view.  We were in a corner room, facing southwest.  The view was nice.

Then, before I realized what was happening, we were kissing.  And then I was on the glass-covered desk.  And he was on top of me.  Being big and strong.  He got his fingers in my cunt.  I looked back, over my head, at the view.

It got very hot very fast.  The windows were cool though.  The air conditioning ducts ran along the windows and cooled the glass.  I pressed my hands and face into the glass as his fingers tore into my pussy.

He was rough and strong in a way that was obvious he hadn’t full control.  He was a big, dumb boy.

We moved to the bed where his cock finally got into me.  I don’t think we used a condom.  We had both been monogamous in our marriages and believed our spouses had been as well.  I remember thinking his cock wasn’t all that big, but I also remember not really looking at it.  I didn’t suck it.

I remember looking at him from behind and thinking he looked silly.  I did not think he looked sexy.  I was wondering what the fuck I risked my marriage for.

The fucking was ok.  He was rough in that same Lenny-esque way.  He pulled my hair – out of my head.  There were wads of hair all over the bed.  He fingered me so hard I bled.  (I was nowhere near being on my period.)

We tried to take a bath together but the tub wouldn’t accommodate both of us.  He took a shower and then began to get dressed.  He said he had to leave.

What the fuck?!  We were risking a whole lot by getting together at all, so shouldn’t we get in as much sex as possible?  And I was paying over $400 for a hotel room that was being used for all of an hour?  No fucking way.

I had to beg him to fuck me again.  Really, he was going to drive all that way, risk his marriage, lie to everyone for one pretty average fuck?

Two pretty average fucks.  He fucked me again and then left.  I stayed in the room.  I just hung out for a little while, but then figured I, too, should go home.

I pretended like nothing had changed with my husband.  It had, a little, though.  If that was sex with someone not my husband then I didn’t have further interest in pursuing it.  My husband’s cock was big and thick and he absolutely loved to lick my pussy for as long as I wanted.  I resigned myself to work on my marriage.

[To be continued ….]

I swear.  True story.

[Same day as "3/14/90:  A Diary Entry."]

1:30 pm

touching her.  So I don’t know what she thought but I got her phone number before she left so I think I’ll call her some time soon.  [I'm in 5th period listening to Mrs. Thoma talk about what juniors should be doing this year to prepare for next year at O.R.H.S.  I should've skipped class with Erica because I'm really bored.]

I really don’t know what’s going on with her.  She told me and now Amy too that she loves me more than Juree.  Yesterday I went to the dark room during sixth period and Erica and I ended up kissing.  She got to be really intense and I stopped, I had to push her away.  I asked why she was doing that.  She said she didn’t know why.

10:02 pm

Well, went to the dark room again and Erica was saying how much she liked the smell of Fahrenheit now because of me.  She said she was doing it because I’m cute and fun to be with so I asked why Amy wasn’t in there ’cause she’s cute and fun to be with too.  She said she was already in there Monday or Tuesday.  Oooh, took a long time for her to get over me, yeah.  So then I asked if she loved me so much then why did she break up with me – so she could screw around with whomever she wants and I can’t do anything about it.  She said it was different now and I told her it wasn’t – but it has been – it’s a lot more relaxed.  She just wants to be able to fuck around and as Jason B puts it – “No shop, no bop.”  Erica said Amy decided that they’d be better friends if they had sex.  Does Amy like being used?  She must because she keeps doing it.  I told her what Juree had said about her not being attractive anymore and how Erica agreed with her.  But I bet all Erica had to do was look cute and assure Amy that that just wasn’t true and maybe kiss her or something.  Erica has said how sex isn’t much to her but that’s all she seems to do.  I don’t think I’ve said yet that Erica, on Friday night, when I walked over to Shannon’s in less than an hour, finally let me do her.  It was my first time so I kept having to ask if I was doing all right.  It feels to great – it’s wet, soft, and warm.  Then I ate her out.  She told me how I probably wouldn’t like it and it’s nauseating.  So I did it anyway.  I loved it.  If my jaw and tongue never got tired I’d do it for a living.  She tasted sweet and it smelled good – it was great.  She was enjoying herself too, which got me off even more.  I kept nuzzling her.  I’d start at my nose and move my face up til my chin ended up in her opening.  I knew my nose would be good for something some day.  Anyway, I loved it and did it again later.  She told me today that I’m very good in bed and she enjoyed herself quite a bit.  That’s good.  She said she’d scourge herself and feel guilty and dirty but I hope not.  She’s been wearing long sleeves so I can’t tell if she’s cut up her arms.  Yesterday I told her I loved her but I don’t know if I do.  I think she was just a routine that I had trouble changing.  I told her that too.  She said if she had to have a reason, then so did I.  So I told her.  She seemed kind of disappointed to find that was a habit.  And one I seemed to want to break.  I told her Ii already broke the habit, I was just trying ti again to be sure I could do without it.  Amy’s downfall is sex – that seems to be all she wants.  Oh well – I do too but I think I can do without it.  I want to start dating guys – I’ve never really dated and I want to before school gets out.  I called Lisa today.  Her aunt had a baby boy and she was really about about that because he’s the first boy in the family.  She said she has some friends in Sacramento who just got married.  [Oh Erica said with anyone she felt incomplete and without companionship, anyone but Juree.  I told (not today but have told) her I would do anything for her but oh well I wasn't a good enough companion.]  Anyway, she said she visits them and just ends up hanging out.  I told her there’s dance clubs and stuff.  She had to go but she did get my phone number again and said she call in about a week to see when she’s gonna come visit me.  And I talked about my ex and said she a lot – so she must know and not care.  But then I was hanging all over her Tuesday and she didn’t seem to care then either.  I can only wish she’s interested in me too.  She said she was gonna come see me.  Yea!  And I found this one on my own – no one had to point her out, already be with her or anything like that, I found her all on my own.  I should be outgoing like I was in San Jose more often because people just love it and I want to have “it.”

12:07 pm

Well, it’s really cool ’cause today already I’ve talked to both my  mom and DJ about a place to stay when I graduate.  But I want to move out now.  DJ says I just have to be goal-oriented and look to June.  Work more hours, make more money.  I feel like I was gone a lot longer than two days – I thought it would take longer for me to be so comfortable around Erica.  And I am.  I don’t feel like I want to leave or I have to do something.  I’m cool and I know everything’s gonna be alright.  This time away really good for me I think.  I had lots of fun and realized I could do that without Erica.  She just wrote me a note that says she loves me more than anything – more than Juree even.  But I wonder if it’s because Juree doesn’t want her back or they got into a fight or something for her to feel like that for me.  It seems that this was almost too easy, maybe I’m denying feelings but I don’t think so.  I feel really happy and I know I can do whatever I want to do.  I’m not put under any [illegible] by anyone – especially my parents.  “I haven’t felt so alive in years.”  “God, it’s raining, and I’m not containing my pleasure at being so wet.  Here on my own all on my own

1:58 pm

Betina Adams is really nice.  I wonder if Dad and [Step-Mother] are going to try to talk to me.  I only have to buy time ’til I graduate.  I’m really glad I’m not super fat.  it would be hard to move around.  Chris L. has great arms – they’re really muscly.  Yippee.  Lisa – the girl at the peer counseling conference had her head shaved except for almost the very top – and that was really long and purple and black.  She also shaved her eyebrows and painted them on so they went up really high.  She carried around a little Oscar the Grouch and she had freckles across her nose.  I like freckles on girls ’cause they make them cuter but not on guys ’cause they make them dumber.  Anyway – we all got stoned – Lisa, Isaac (really cute, little chicken hawk, sweet, traded my skull earring for my neat face/mask one of his), Travis (I think but no, Justin, yeah, that’s it) – and I was really far gone.  So Lisa and I and this other guy, Keith, were walking around together after we missed the seminar on reaching out to gay youth because I was walking so fucking slow.  So the three of us were walking around together and I found myself dropping major hints about my sexual orientation.  I kept hanging on her and tou

The next time someone dumps me I want to say, “Yeah, it is you” when they’ve said, “It’s not you, it’s me.”  I wish I’d come up with that, but it was a Carnal Nation staff member.  Besides, no one ever breaks up with me.  Kind of difficult for them when we’re not actually in “relationships.”

With the casual sex thing I’ve got going on things just tend to fade out.  I think for the most part that’s the best way for things to end.  I’ve begged – whilst in that delicious sex haze – partners to please warn me before they cut me off.  It’s like I have a cock addiction and I need to be weaned, not quit cold turkey.

But I think  the guys think I’m into them “too much” and they inevitably do exactly what I have asked them not to:  ceasing the fucking sans alarm bell.  Very frustrating.  What they don’t understand is that I’m not so much into them as into the fucking.

When the fucking is good it’s wonderful, and I want to assure that the fun will continue, not try to get the guy to be my boyfriend.  Sure, I like the guys behind the fucking or the fucking wouldn’t be nearly so good, but I don’t want to fuck them exclusively and I have no interest in any of those other relationship-y things like talking about our feelings and making demands of each other.

I just want the cock to fuck me, hard.  And I want things to be pleasant with the owner of said cock.  That’s all.  I don’t want anyone to feel obligated.  That’s a “relationship” relationship.  I just want relationship, not a “relationship” relationship.

I swear.  True story.