This one, left, is pretty and pink and seems to have something dirty and phallic coming out of it.  Another of nature’s butt holes.

The pink flowers in particular remind me of flushed body parts.  Of blood-engorged dicks and clits and lips, both facial and nether.  This flower to the right reminds me of lips of all sorts.

On the other hand, this bud that’s just barely opening looks like a cock head.  That looks like a pee hole with a nice, pointy head.  That looks like something I could literally get my mouth around.

The flower in this last pic seems to be hiding something.  Something mysterious down in there.  Maybe it’s warm and wet and squishy.  Oh, sorry, it’s just a flower, it’s not an ass.

Derrick and his new iPhone are taking some lovely photos around San Francisco.

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

I have no worries about being stuck somewhere without a means to deal with a period mess because I never have a period mess.  When I had first started my period, and for years until I went on the Pill, I never had regular periods.  I was always paranoid that I’d embarrass myself with a bloody mess at any time.  I woke up more than once in huge pools of blood.    Gross.  And annoying.

So it’s been a year of no need to take daily pills, of not worrying about making sure my prescription’s filled, of not worrying at all that I might be pregnant.  It’s glorious.

I didn’t really name my IUD, but I sure am happy it’s in there.  Even if a condom breaks there is an infinitesimal chance I will conceive.  I have no interest in having an abortion, but I have even less interest in having a kid.  I really, really don’t want an abortion.  I’ve heard the post-abortion waiting room dubbed the “room of sadness.”  I have no desire whatsoever to be in a room that anyone has called a room of sadness.  NO DESIRE.

The IUD is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

I got my first professional haircut in almost three years.  It felt so nice to have my hair washed.  I love having someone else washing my hair, especially with good, strong fingers and cool (not cold) water.  I like massages, but if I had to choose between a massage and a good scalp-scrubbing hair washing, I’d choose the hair washing with a good scalp scrubbing.

I love my hair.  I can say without reservation that my hair is my best quality.  I’m pretty vain about my hair.  I have great hair.  No gray.  None.  I’m 37 years old, which makes the no-gray thing pretty fucking rare and a fact of winning the genetic lottery.  My sister didn’t have the same genetic luck; she started going gray in her mid-20s.  I took after my father who, at 61, has a full head of thick, brown hair with only a few grays.  My sister’s hair is more like our mother’s, which at 64 is fully gray.

This is me with my new haircut.  Oscar, the very cute gentleman who cut my hair, went through the work of blow drying my hair straight.  I have a lot of hair.  So much that Oscar had to ask a coworker to begin working on his next client so he could have time to blow dry my hair.

Fortunately, Oscar’s next client was the Viking.  It was the Viking who referred me to Oscar.  It was the Viking whose hair was cut from long and pony-tailed to short and reasonable, and hot.  The Viking was referred to Oscar and the Barber Lounge by DD.  DD is a fun fabulous gay who has helped the Viking with grooming and fashion.  The Viking is worried that he’ll not be able to find a good fabulous gay elsewhere.  He’s wrong.  No matter where we go there will be fabulous gays; I will accept nothing less.

I’ve not yet washed and styled my hair since the new cut, but I do like the new ‘do.  I also like the Viking’s new ‘do,which is even shorter than it was before.

I think Oscar knew that the Viking was nervous about cutting his hair back when he cut off the Viking’s long, long ponytail.  This time, the Viking had already had months of shorter hair so it wasn’t a shock when it was cut even shorter.  Short and cute.  I really like the Viking’s new ‘do.

He was nice enough to pose all silly for me.  His “punishment” was to have his pic posted.  (It’s been done with his full consent, I promise.)  It’s hard to argue that he doesn’t look very sweet, and quite cute.  Really cute.  Look at those cheeks.  Look at those dimples!  Look at that pretty smile.

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

I don’t want to listen to Peblo Bryson.  Erica called me.  We had a nice talk – she about Michelle and her fighting me about Henry.  She really wants me to go up there but I don’t want to.  Cleo gets poop on her butt.  Henry hasn’t called.  We had a nice conversation – I was being a friend and I really didn’t feel jealous.  Cleo purrs very loudly.  I wish Henry would call me.  I want to put everything out on the line – to tell him how I feel.  But I guess he’s not gonna call.  I’ve totally broken out – I had better look better by camp time.  I have an interview at Nautilus Aerobics Plus tomorrow at 5:30.  I’m not real nervous but I would like to have the job.  The cat is very loud.  I have to get another pair of tweezers for my Swiss Army knife tomorrow – they’re only $1.25 I guess I can afford that.  I’m glad her little collar has a bell so I know where she is.  Channel 4 doesn’t come in very well.  Maybe this summer I’ll go up there.  But when I want to and when I’m ready.  My bed is shot – it goes backwards when I sit on the edge and when I’m in the middle I think it’s gonna fold in on me.  Oh well maybe I should call Mom to ask what I should do.  Get rid of all my furniture and get pillows to put all over – that’s what Henry suggested.  I’m thinking about it – turning it into a hippie pad.  NOT.  I am thinking about it but not to be a hippie.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

I recently discovered lost my pedicure mojo.  I used to do a decent job on my toes.  I have all the proper tools and quite a few bottles of nail polish, so when I saw my friend Ramona do her toes beautifully, I figured I could do the same to my own.

I soaked my feet in soapy water, pumiced my rough bits, removed my old polish, pushed back the cuticles, and painted.  I was sure to put a towel between my feet and my couch for protection.  Apparently my hands are not too steady because the polish went all over not only my toe nails, but also my toes.  Polish comes off skin easily after it’s dried so I didn’t think it was too, too tragic.

What was tragic, and what I didn’t notice until the next day, was that after my pedicure I smeared the polish on my toe nails on my couch.  My couch.  I love my couch.  I got it in the breakup with the Ex and feel I lucked out.  Now that there’s wireless internet in the place I use my couch as my desk.

My toes looked bad and I had nail polish on my couch; clearly I should not give myself pedicures.  I made an appointment at the Barber Lounge for a proper pedicure.  Above is the result of said pedicure.

I not only like getting my feet pampered, but I like that the Viking likes my feet.  I don’t have particularly nice feet; they’re flat and wide and not well suited for sexy shoes, but the Viking likes them anyway.  I particularly like it when he sucks on my toes while he’s fucking me.

What’s really nice is that when he comes home he’ll be nice enough to do that to me, over there on the left.

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

July 1 is Canada Day, which is apparently the day back in 1867 when everyone agreed to continue putting Queen Elizabeth on their currency.  July 1 is also the day of both Burundi‘s and Rwanda‘s independence from Belgium.

Belarus has two significant days in July.  On July 3, 1944 the capital city of Minsk was freed from German occupation by the Soviets.  After years of one of the Soviet Republics, Belarus declared its sovereignty on July 27, 1990, after the collapse of the USSR.

In celebration of America’s Independence Day I went to a party, drank a lot, and then passed out before I saw any fireworks.  There’s a great view from my building’s roof, but San Francisco’s fog often prevents actually seeing the official fireworks, which are set off near Fisherman’s Wharf – several miles from the Mission.  The Mission, however, is home to many Latinos who have a penchant for fireworks.  Other than those set off officially, fireworks are illegal in San Francisco County, so all the fireworks that are let off by my lovely neighbors, though pretty, are not kosher.

Along with the fireworks being illegal, they scare the shit out of poor Isis.  The Vet told me to give her Dramamine, which I did, but still every time she heard a boom she shook and cowered.  The Viking took her out twice but she was too scared to go to the bathroom as soon as anything went boom.  Poor girl had an accident in the house, which is extremely unusual.

The Venezuelan Declaration of Independence was adopted on July 5, 1811.  Venezuela, by the way, was the first of the Spanish American Colonies to tell Spain to fuck off.  France no longer ruled Algeria after July 5, 1962.  Cape Verde became independent from Portugal on July 5, 1975.  Cape Verde is an island nation off the west coast of Africa.

Malawi declared independence and named itself on July 6, 1964.

July 7 is the day the Solomon Islands became an independent nation.

Argentine Independence was declared on July 9, 1816.  I would love to go back to Buenos Aires some day; it has great markets, good food, and beautiful architecture.

The Bahamas gained full independence from the United Kingdom on July 10, 1973.

On July 12, 1979 Kiribati became independent from the United Kingdom.  Never heard of Kiribati?  Yeah, neither had I.  It’s an island nation in the Pacific.  Also on July 12, São Tomé and Príncipe declared  independence from Portugal.  That’s also an island nation, but it’s off the southwest coast of Africa.

Bastille Day is July 14.  That’s France’s National Celebration when there are fireworks and spontaneous expressions of patriotism.  Sound familiar?

Though it was still part of Czechoslovakia, on July 17, 1992 Slovakia declared it’s independence.  It wasn’t until January 1993 when Czechoslovakia was peacefully resolved into the independent nations of the Czech Republic and and Slovakia.

July 21 may or may not be Belgium‘s independence day.  That date in 1831 is when independence from the Netherlands occurred and when Leopold I was made the new nation’s first king.

On July 26, 1965 Maldives became independent from the United Kingdom.  Also on July 26, but many years before, in 1847, Liberia became an independent nation settled by colonists who were freed US slaves and captured potential slaves for whom there was no longer a market in the United States.

Peru became independent from Spain on July 28, 1821.

There may be some more, but this is enough education for y’all for now.  Learning new stuff is fun and sexy, isn’t it?

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

Hadn’t talked to Henry since Friday morning when he apologized for being a flake Thursday night.  So I broke down and called him today but he had to go.  I thought I did something wrong but then realized that I haven’t been doing anything differently.  Now I’m once again waiting for him to call – he said it’d be around eleven – does that mean within two hours?  But I’m also waiting for my damn clothes to dry – I’ve been doing laundry all day but I’m almost done.  Saved my whites for last for a change.  My bed’s finally kicked it.  I think that if the frame can’t be fixed easily then I’ll just put the mattress on the floor – that’d be cool and hippie-like huh.  Cleo is getting used to me and being here.  She’s very cute and right now she’s on my writing arm – she’s soft and warm and oh so cute.  She has the trots and it stays on the fur by her butt and I have to wash her off and she hates it.

Now I’ve gotten my laundry and I have no reason to be up any more.  Except that Cleo will meow when I move her.  Maybe a few hands of solitaire.  I really don’t want to go up north.  I actually have no desire to have year-old memories flood back to me.  Besides, I’m a mother now and I can’t leave my baby alone.  A video tape will do.  And with the time I’d rather do something with my friends here.  Henry me camping tent close acid soon now call ring cards sleep

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

I was telling Henry how tired I am of thinking ’cause it hurt and I was saying how everyone’s basically the same but then for some reason I think guys are totally different.  Or actually I don’t remember exactly what it was and Henry said he wishes he had thoughts like that – something about all the answers not being right there so I get frustrated and that’s why I don’t like thinking anymore.  But the way he said it.  It was like he was revering me – like “wow how neat” and “you are so neat” (I, of course, prefer the latter.)  It’s funny ’cause we’re slowly but surely getting to know each other.  I’ve never done this with anyone else.  Not this more than friends type of thing.  Erica (Sorry, she’s my only reference.) and I went so fast we were friends, sort of, we had sex, a lot, we built a relationship, however shaky and fucked up but so far this thing with Henry is slow and nice.  We’re getting to know each other before we even get really physical but we had to kiss for it to get to this level that we’re at now but the “revering” type talking is what started Erica on the road towards love not that that’s where he’s going shit if I only knew it would make everything so simple.  But I like his mystery.  But do I really like him or did I just latch onto him because I wanted someone to latch onto – to talk about.  But I think dream about him too it of course started off as a looks thing but beautiful people hang around beautiful people looks are something our children are going ooops would be so cute but I’m not sure what I would name boy #1 cause I think it would have to be a boy but that’s me giving up part of me I would like a girl or boy but a boy so he could deal better with our first.  Why but I don’t know we can’t see the future and I’m glad.  That’s something no one can ever do – is see the future.  Life is like an adventure who knows what’s gonna come next.  I was wondering if I should ask Henry who’s going with us to the mountains (he’s never been camping – isn’t that sweet?) but I’m afraid cause if he was planning on it being just the two of us and I asked like there were gonna be people with us he would take it to mean I didn’t think we were gonna be alone and to make me feel more comfortable but of course I want to be alone with him so we can be alone the type of couple that is one way out in front of everyone and another alone together and I don’t just mean sex either I mean talking feelings.  Like the couples you see that’ve been together since high school but they really know each other.  Wow I guess every relationship is like that in one way or another.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.