I could have gone to Nicole’s but no, I wanted to be with Henry.  I just sat here trying to get close but he was frying and couldn’t stay still or concentrate enough to kiss.  We did kiss but I had to do it and he wasn’t into it at all.  Oh well, that was the acid, not him.  Damn Maury was there and gave me a ride home.  He’s such a fucking druggie.  He’s lost any sense of self-respect and will ask anyone for money.  So I gave him about two bucks.  Damn, anything to shut up his damn whining.  He’s so pathetic – like a stray animal you don’t want to take in but just stay the fuck away because it looks so terrible that it wold make you sick to see it too much.  I want Henry to call me.  He was so goofy nervous like figetey (Is that a damn word?) I could have also gone out with Laura, Deanna and Andy with Vidal.  They were only getting drunk though.  Maybe this is for the best, I do have to work tomorrow.  Why do I always mispell Houston?  [That is a true transcription of me misspelling "misspell" and spelling "Houston" correctly.]  Why does Laura always were tight, low-cut shirts?  And they’re also short – at the waist or usually above.  Boys are dumb.  Why do I like Henry?

7:08 AM

I was pleasant at 6 AM.  I’m so proud of myself.  Henry loves me.  I still want to kiss him for hours and hours.  Is that so wrong?  Does that make me a bad person?  Henry was telling me about how everything looked to him and he remembered he couldn’t stay still long enough to kiss (but of course he didn’t say so) me.  But god, I could kiss him for hours.  I’d like to press my body up against his and feel his heat.  But then does he even want to kiss me?  I mean he never makes the move.  But then there have only been two times thus far.  His hands are so small – his middle fingers are longer than mine but otherwise they’re the same size.  How sweet.  That’s very tiny.  But what he can do with a guitar, he could probably do to me.  His hands are soft and he holds so nicely.  Or perhaps he’s just human and I I think he’s more ’cause it’s been so long since I’ve touched anyone.  But he feels so different.  Fuck, I hate it when I start to write something and I’ve forgotten what my point was so I end up gibbering.  Can’t win ‘em all.  I saw his belly last night – he was laying on his side and his shirt rode up so that I, position below him, could see his belly.  It was kind of cute that I got to see.  Call me cray or loony or both.  I think things are going rather well.  I’m learning about myself (I am very impatient and rush head – or maybe it’s body – first into things usually.) and him. (He likes to test the waters several times and then still doesn’t get all the way in – I don’t think he’s even ankle-deep so far.)  This whole experience is going to be a great book (a la Bosom Buddies).  I wonder when Thrifty’s opens ’cause I have cash and I want to get a damn phone cord.  I’m just tired of not being able to go anywhere ’cause I’m on the damn phone.  Probably doesn’t open ’til 11 or so ’cause it’s Sunday and all.  I’m gonna get yelled at today ’cause I didn’t count down the cash drawer but signed it out anyway and also didn’t alarm anyone that my drawer was off over five dollars.  Oh well, I don’t care anymore.  Real job dedication (not).  Now I’m getting tired and I only have about an hour or so ’til I really have to be up.

10:58 PM

Why do I even bother having any days off?  I don’t do anything I have no life.  Shit.  And Henry’s not even home.  He should be waiting by the phone for me.  And I have to go to the bathroom but I’m out of toilet paper – again.  I could go buy some but I’m afraid Henry’ll call when I’m gone.  Fuck.  This isn’t fair.  Why do I have to wait around for him?  Why is he so fucking unpredictable?  Shit – he could be asleep, but I doubt it.  Well, he did stay up all night on acid but shit fuck I don’t know.  Why do I have to like him so much?  I just want him to touch me – I don’t think that’s too much.  I guess I should go to bed early on a Sunday night ’cause I don’t have to work tomorrow.  I wish I could find my remote control.  Maybe I should clean my sty.  Maybe I should tell Henry that I can’t deal with his shit.  Maybe if I had a car I could go over to his house when I felt like it.  He makes such a big production out of coming over here.  I guess that’s sweet and all.  Gosh this is depressing.  Laura went home to meet Vidal and get lucky.  No fair – she has a willing partner.  Could I cry.  I don’t like being alone so why am I always?  It’s just not fair.  But everyone else says that too so I know there are others like me.  Misery loves miserable company.  (Beth’s coinage.)  I’m so bored I don’t want to eat anything I have.  I can hear everything my neighbors are doing.  I don’t think they’re very loud during sex cause I would’ve heard them by now.  I guess I’ll take a shower and go to bed.  God, I have absolutely do damn life.  I want a car.  I want to see Henry.  I want to feel his warmth.  Is that too much to ask?  Apparently so.  Will I always be depressed?  I guess so.  Maybe I’ll clean my house tomorrow.  Shit, what  mess I could make if I had a place with more than one room.  This mess is actually kind of scary.  But I usually have the biggest problem with the kitchen and it’s not that messy.  I want to vacuum.  Yes it’s true.  After all the complaining about the Mad Vacuumer.

When I put the other journal of course I had to read some of my other stuff.  Erica shit – I was bad – had it bad.  Why do I do it to myself?  I was fine before I read that.  But it’s nice to know I won’t make the same mistakes again and it’s nice to

Just tried to call Shannon but she’s not home and Mary didn’t recognise my voice and thought I said Anne when I said my name.  Holy fuck.  Damn.  I need to know how I’m getting to NorCal.

know that the mind does block the actual painful feelings if not the memory of the event.  Fuck, now I’m depressed.  Everything is so different with Henry.  So much less painful.  This is actually nice.

I feel like calling Laura just to interrupt her and Vidal but that would be mean.  It would be a funny joke.  God I wish I could make myself stop thinking about some things.  I’ll just replace old thoughts with new.  Better.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

Haven’t talked to Henry all day.  Well, yesterday either after around 6:30P.M.  Anyway, he didn’t call early this afternoon when I was still at home and I got home around 11:15P.M.  I got the Message Center.  Cool – I got two messages today – one from my mom and a nasty poem from Laura – I saved that one.  It tells me the date and time that the person called and I can save or erase.  Pretty cool huh?  I’ve started to peel.  Boy am I mad.  I’m still gonna wear my tent/tank dress so I guess Henry’ll just have to see pieces of my skin rolling off.  Actually, I’m hoping it’ll be all done by Monday night.  I hope.  I was gonna call Henry but I didn’t want him to think that I think about him all the time even if I do.  I was just thinking how totally different things would be if we were having sex – so maybe this is best.  But I still want him.  Laura wants me to go to 70′s on Sunday night.  I don’t know ’cause of my financial situation.  But I should be getting my “retro” check for my raise.  I don’t know how much it’ll be.  And I feel I should have some cash with me on Monday night – just because.  I got [Step-Sister]‘s graduation announcement today.  It’s in less than a month.  Time sure does go by quite quickly.  I graduated almost a year ago.  Wow.  And my birthday’s coming up.  I wish I could forget last year’s.  Oh well, the past is in the past.  I will make this year’s better.  Everyone at work is so clean – they were shocked that I drink now.  Yeah, woopie.  Guess what?  My damn phone is not ringing and I don’t think it’s going to.  Shit.  Oh well.  Boys are dumb.  But they’re so cute!  Why does it always seem like things go so slow while you’re doing them?

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

This is a car.  This is a car on meth.  There is no fucking way other than speed that anyone would have the time, energy, and meticulous attention to detail that created the “decorations” on this car.  There are shells, both sea- and ammunition.  There are skulls – animal, “human,” real, and fake.  Dolls and doll parts have been utilized in unspeakable (and unwritable) ways.

This car was difficult not to notice, and it definitely runs because I only saw it on the Mission/Bernal Heights border that one day.

San Francisco has its share of stupid-looking cars.  For the most part I don’t take photos of the vehicles because I don’t want to chance the cars’ owners seeing me take ‘em.  I don’t want the “artists” to think that I’m either 1) appreciating their “artistry,” or 2) – which is much more likely – making fun of their stupidity.  The artisan of this fine rolling behemoth of modern art was nowhere around when I snapped these rather mediocre photos.  I’m glad, because I certainly would not want to have to engage in conversation with anyone who would do this to a car.

Conversation would involve me asking how long it took and asking about various details, all whilst trying to keep a straight face.  I would have needed to get away quickly so as not to laugh.  Because someone who would do this to a car may not understand why his hard work wasn’t truly appreciated.

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

If I hadn’t already figured it out, the message which contained this was an indicator of the largest proportions:  “Do you have a problem taking charge. I mean, I’m not submissive, but would prefer if you had the ‘date’ planned out for us. There’s not much I would object to.”  Me thinks thou doth protest too much.  Yes, he was submissive; no, he didn’t want to have to worry about taking charge.

I took charge.  I told him what we would do on our date.  His true colors truly shined then.  He suddenly forgot how to use his brain.  In general, subs are a needy bunch.  I don’t have the patience nor the inclination to tell someone, step by excruciatingly detailed step, how to do anything.  He asked if he should take BART.  Take it or drive, not my concern.  I told him that if we got along we’d go to the Hot Tubs.  He told me he thought they were dirty.  He asked if a hotel room wouldn’t be better.  He asked how much hotel rooms cost.  He hadn’t seen me, so he didn’t know I look nothing like a fucking San Francisco tourism board.  Though he was emailing me, he had forgotten how to use the internet to check on hotel prices, etc.

He then wanted to see photos of me.  I referred him to the various places all over the internet where my photos can be found.  He still had trouble finding my photos because he had forgotten how to use the internet.

The night before our planned date he emailed saying he wouldn’t be able to make it, but that that night was free.  Too bad.  I had scheduled him for the next day, not that night.  A full two weeks later he contacted me again.  More than once he sent me emails titled “Tomorrow?”  No, not tomorrow; I plan ahead.

Finally, one night worked for both of us.  I told him where and when … and he flaked.

Between early February and mid-April he repeatedly contacted me asking if I was available that night or the night following.  I repeatedly told him that if he wanted to meet me he had to plan ahead.  When we did make a date, he flaked, again.

This guy’s pattern – which was probably helped with some liquid courage – was to email me saying how much he wanted to meet me right now, and then to flake when it came time to actually meet.  This happened even after I gave him my address and told him to just show up with booze in hand.  He was scared of “getting jumped” on BART because he would have alcohol on him.  Uh, they have these things that not only conceal the identity of what you’re carrying, but also make carrying much easier than holding a bottle of booze aloft.  His excuse that night?  His mother had unexpectedly stopped by.  Sexy!

Lest you, dear readers, think that I don’t give a guy a chance – or, in this case several chances – I again scheduled to meet him.  He texted whining about traffic.  I told him where to be.  I waited on the corner in front of the bar.  I texted.  I left.  I texted again, asking if he was that rude.  His response was that he didn’t see the point in walking up to me, saying, “You’re not my type,” and leaving.

And I agree, there wouldn’t be a point in doing that.  But how about saying hello?  How about sitting and talking over a drink?  Seems pretty silly to not even say hello after over three months of email wooing and several failed attempts at meeting.  This kind of bullshit is why I only meet someone for the first time in my neighborhood.

His tweet following our non-meeting:  “I’m such a dick! Don’t think it would have worked out. My bad”

Worked out?!  Meeting over a drink only doesn’t work out if the drinks are shitty, or spilled, or in some other way unable to be consumed.

I’m not so naive to not know he was referring to sex.  He saw me – if he saw me, and I have my doubts – and decided that he couldn’t have lowered his standards to a chubby/curvy woman of average height.  A woman who doesn’t wear high heels on a regular basis.  A woman who doesn’t wear shimmery lotion.  A woman whose scent choices are not sold at Victoria’s Secret.  A woman who is not a stripper.

I have nothing against strippers.  I’m not one.  I couldn’t be one for the reasons above.  Also, I’m too old.  Strippers, er, exotic dancers, work hard at being unattainable fantasies for their clients.  They’re tall and thin and wear heels and smell girlie.  And they’re off-limits.

Silly me, I was all average and attainable to this guy.  He didn’t know what the fuck to do.  If I liked the guy I would have fucked him, and I think he knew that.  Strippers, on the other hand, are not putting out for this guy.  Instead, he goes to strip clubs when he’s horny and fantasizes about the women who are way out of his league.  Because they’re doing their jobs well, he feels like he has a chance; he has a glimmer of hope that a woman as hot as a stripper will sit on his face and generally take charge in bed.

Only it doesn’t happen because he’s too afraid.  The ones who will actually fuck him aren’t hot enough for him, and the ones who are hot enough for him won’t actually fuck him.  Poor guy, he’s doomed to be unfulfilled and ashamed.  Fantasies are never the same as reality, that’s why they’re fantasies.  I should have known when he had a T-Shirt Hell t-shirt logo as his Twitter photo.

I’m not tall and thin?  You won’t be able to see shit when your face is being used as a seat so don’t worry your simple little brain with that one.

One of his tweets:  “Why do I want to try fisting someone so bad? Damn, I need a dirty whore, QUICK!!!”  He’s not willing to pay, he’s not willing to “settle” for less than his physical ideal.  He doesn’t need a dirty whore, he needs his mommy.

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

I get this kind of email probably because I am open and honest and unashamed of my own sexuality or by that of my many partners. Also, because it’s just email – because I’m not a “real” person – I’m safe.  I’m safe because I’m a faceless stranger on the internet.  I’m safe because until one talks – actually talks face-to-face – about his desires he doesn’t have to “out” himself as “a perv, or a sicko.”

I’m safe also because I’m encouraging.  My response to the initial email was to tell him that being a perv, or a sicko is part of the fun of having a dirty mind, that it might as well be embraced.  Our email exchange continued.  He told me he had been in a sexually incompatible marriage, and that he had considered hiring a professional, but that seemed “too risky.  And expensive!”

Ladies and gentlemen, isn’t your sexual fulfillment worth a few hundred dollars?  A few thousand dollars?  Being honest with yourself and others?  I simply cannot understand why someone who is afraid of his own desires, who worries about being labeled ill, wouldn’t hire a well-respected escort with whom he can be open and honest without fear of rejection or judgment.  You’re not paying for the sex, you’re paying for the faith that she’s probably seen “worse.”  An escort is a professional who gets paid for her discretion.  If she wants to keep you as a client, she doesn’t laugh at you or judge you.  You think you’re depraved?  You should’ve seen the last guy.

An escort is much like a waxer.  (Stay with me, people.)  An escort, like a waxer, sees her clients at their most vulnerable – with their ankles behind their heads.  Sure, you have some dark fantasies, but you’re not the only one, and you needn’t concern yourself with shame.  Your escort will take care of you so you can go out in the world anxiety-free.  Sure, you’re hirsute, but a few minutes behind closed doors and no one else needs to know.  Both waxer and escort suggest you come back about once a month.  I would suggest not seeing escort and waxer the same week every month – stagger those appointments.

I suggested the emailer and I meet.  He told me that he had a place in the East Bay, and said he didn’t have a lot of either time or money.  He also told me that he could almost “cum” from licking pussy.  And then I knew it:  This guy was ashamed that he had fantasies about being submissive to women.  I think it’s just plain silly to be ashamed to want a woman to sit on one’s face, but then I live in the sex-positive bubble known as San Francisco.

We scheduled a date to meet.  He told me he wanted a woman to squirt on him.  More submissiveness.  I want to make clear that a man being submissive to a woman is not a negative thing, does not make him any less of a man, yet he was only letting me know this about him in bits and pieces because he thought it was something that was shameful to disclose.  That was probably one of the major reasons his marriage was sexually incompatible, he didn’t tell his wife what he wanted.

[To be continued ….]

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

John’s blog, which is trying blatantly to whip up excitement for a book that doesn’t exist, as well as garner clients who want his style of “marriage coaching,” had a post offering advice to single women regarding sex.  The gist, of course, is to not have sex until the man makes a commitment.  He even offered some scripture and advised single women to place the scripture in their online dating profiles.  [PUKE!]  He thinks that men can offer good advice on sex and love to women and doesn’t understand why there are no nationally syndicated male advice columnists.

By the time I read that I was irritated beyond compare.  I wrote a comment to the post.  I said he was ignorant and said that Dan Savage, a male (and man), has an advice column, Savage Love, that is nationally syndicated.  The following is what transpired.

_______________

From: John
To: shazamsf@sbcglobal.net
Sent: Sun, April 4, 2010 10:24:48 PM
Subject: Shaming statements

We have transcended the dialogue phase and now you have devolved into judging and name calling.  It is always the same when I engage in dialogue with liberals.  They ALWAYS devolve into name calling.

You profess freedom of speech but you don’t want to allow it for conservatives.

I have had enough, don’t contact me again.  You have made it quite clear your opinion of me, I don’t have to put up  with continued verbal abuse.

John

_______________

Subject: Re: Shaming statements
To: John
Date: Monday, April 5, 2010, 6:49 AM

John,

You are the one who hadn’t heard of dialogue other than from Catholics, dear.  I have not called you names.

Once again you make assumptions.  You don’t know that I’m a liberal, and you certainly don’t know that I don’t believe that the First Amendment should apply to everyone in the United States.

And, by the way, since you have never heard me speak, you have most certainly not be subjected to “verbal” abuse.

Frankly, I’m a tad confused as to what happened between my last response, that indicated I’d write more later, and this latest email of yours, which was a full three emails since then.  You seem to be a bit irrational.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel
_______________

From: John
To: S M
Sent: Mon, April 5, 2010 7:05:27 AM
Subject: Re: Shaming statements

You made the comment on my blog that I am “so ignorant.”  It was insulting and demeaning.  Your tone throughout has been condescending and that you come across as a teacher who is trying to reach a recalcitrant student.  You have made continuous shaming statements, have not recognized any worth for what I do.  You ignored a previous comment praising my article about Sexual advice for single women by a woman.  I played along with you just waiting for the name calling that invariably comes when dealing with liberals.  You embrace liberal ideas which is your right to do and then criticize me for being conservative.  I knew as soon as I gave you my blog address that you would go on there and find fault with my articles.  You did not surprise me.  Then you lectured me about clinical terms for female anatomy.  I was studying medical text books on OB Gyn when I was 14.

For the record I have a genius IQ and am extremely widely read.  I got a BA with a double major, attended grad school for Clinical Psych and attended nursing school as well.  I was on winning debate teams in school and understand logic quite well. I have won awards in public speaking.  I have excelled at everything that I have attempted.

We are both in the helping professions, we just are at opposites sides.  I have made continuous statements that people are free to accept or reject my advice, but you continue to try and educate me and bring me into your fold of liberal ideas.  I played along until you started making insulting statements for which I am free to reject and do.

If you really want to help, how about lobbying insurance companies to stop limiting psych help to one hour once a week.  If they want to place a total cap on services, that is one thing, but to tell clinicians how they can offer services and limit them to one hour once a week, it contributes to overall failure of services.

As a clinician, you are ethically enjoined to treat people with unconditional positive regard, something that you have totally ignored with me.  You come across as extremely arrogant and condescending.  I choose to rid poisonous people from my life.

John
_______________

John,

Ignorance isn’t stupidity, but those who mistake the two are defensive nonetheless.  When making statements such as, “The problem is, is that there are no nationally published male advice columnists” then you open yourself up to criticism.  I have the same problem with that statement that I have with much of your advice, that you state things definitively that are simply not true.  There is at least one nationally syndicated male advice columnist, and his name is Dan Savage.  When you state patent untruths you appear to be ignorant and uneducated.

One of the other things that makes you appear uneducated is your blanket statements about men, women, liberals, etc.  Furthermore, the fact that you majored in “Bible” makes it clear that your “education” took place at what was/is probably an unaccredited institution, the name of which you have neither told me nor publicized anywhere on the internet as far as I can tell.  (See that, that was a qualifying clause, rather than a definitive statement.  That allows for the possibility that I am wrong, because unlike you, I know I’m not always right.)

Having looked at anatomy books as a teenager hardly makes you knowledgeable about female genitalia.  For example, did you know that within the last forty years there have been discoveries regarding the wonder that is the clitoris?  It’s not just that little thing “at the top of the vagina.”

That you feel the need to tout your “successes” and your intelligence quotient just shows your insecurity regarding your views.  I’m sure you think that if you “prove” that you’re smart that somehow your opinions, no matter how lame and unsupported they are, have more value.  Not true.  Notice I’ve not bothered to outline my credentials?  That’s because I actually write well, with actual facts to support my statements.

I don’t criticize you for being conservative, I criticize you for being dogmatic and unyielding.  I criticize you for being inflexible and not open to the possibility that there are points of view other than your own.  I criticize you as a white man of privilege who simply cannot comprehend that there are experiences to which you are not privy, pregnancy being just one of them.

Other than the ignorance it spews, your blog is also not well written.  You claim to be a writer, so write correctly.

I have never tried to get you to think like me; I, obviously incorrectly, thought that you might be interested in a viewpoint other than your own.

Why you’ve pulled insurance companies’ policies out of the air I’m not quite sure.  It is becoming increasingly clear that an intelligent and pointed discussion with you is impossible.

And once again you’ve made an assumption based on the silly things going on inside your head.  I am not, and never claimed to be, a clinician.

Sadly, you’ve reinforced my admittedly ignorant view of people in those middle states.  Please stay in Indiana.  Advise the hicks there with your lame and repetitive Bible-based doctrine.

Happy to be poison to idiots,

Suzanne White Montiel
_______________

And so ends the saga. I thank John for the material, even if he doesn’t know it.

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

John was nice enough to provide me with a link to his blog, which has various pieces that espouse his philosophy that married women are starving their husbands of sex by fucking them once a week or less, and that men should be better in bed so that their wives want to fuck them more often.  He claims he can teach men how to be better lovers … in just 800 words.  Here are some tidbits:

Kiss and stroke down her belly past her vagina and do all the way down her thighs and calves. Come back the other side all the way back to her vagina. Remember her panties are still on. Put your mouth over her vagina and blow hot breath through her panties over her clitoris. Then insert a finger inside the leg band of her panties and stroke all around without touching her pussy. It will drive her wild.

…

Start licking between her labia up an down. When you get to the top of her vagina , you give her clitoris a quick lick and go back to licking between her pussy lips. Then insert your tongue inside of her pussy. Stroke it in and out.

…

You can gentle pull back the hood of her clitoris and directly lick the clitoris directly. You can then suck the clitoris between your lips and begin to suck on it like a woman performing fellatio on a man. The clitoris will actually become hard like a male penis and achieve an erection. You can give her an orgasm by givi.ng her clitoris a blow job.

…

Finally there is one more thing that you can do for fantastic foreplay. After having given your honey numerous orgasms, she will be begging you to take her. You can give her a real thrill. Hook your hand in the waist band of those panties and give one hard rip and literally rip her panties off. This will simultaneously scare her and excite her. Every woman has a secret rape fantasy. She does not really want to be raped but she wants to be taken forcefully and roughly by a self confident man. The key to using this fantasy, is that you want to make sure that she is highly aroused.

He then goes into a sales pitch for his book, which does not yet exist.  Perhaps he’s having trouble finding a publisher as book publishers want to publish books by people who can write.  This guy can’t write his way out of a vagina.

Telling men, whom he characterizes as clueless about pleasing their wives, that every woman has a secret rape fantasy is downright dangerous.  Also, many women would be pretty pissed off if their panties were getting torn up all the time.  But the image of men with pursed lips trying to suck on clits like tiny little cocks is hilarious.

I posted a comment to his post with a link to the Wikipedia page on “vulva” and said it would serve the readers better if he used proper names for anatomy if he wants to actually teach them accurately.  While I didn’t tell him this, considering the likelihood that he knows anything about San Francisco geography, saying the clitoris is at the top of the vagina is like saying the Golden Gate Bridge is inside the Broadway Tunnel.  (Trust me, that’s funny.)  I may have been snarky.  I was probably snarky.  I had been dealing with the idiot all day and continued to be astounded at his stupidity. He did not post my comment but did email this to me:

I know the clinical terms for female anatomy.  I went to nursing school and took anatomy and physiology.

I was speaking to a predominantly male audience and chose to use the slang terms to make the article more readable.  I am trying to reach men and convince them not to be so self centered in bed.

You are vehement that women are comfortable with casual sex with no strings attached.  I have never met such a woman.  Ultimately she quickly becomes frustrated.  It is part of the unisex movement foisted upon us by the feminists. Women try and take on male characteristics.  Are there exceptions to this rule, I am willing to admit there might be, but the vast majority of women are not happy with this level of sexuality.  I try to speak to the majority rather than worrying about the exceptions.

You are frankly the first woman who has taken offense at my suggesting holding out for a committed relationship before engaging in sex.

Best wishes
John

This John guy is funny and doesn’t even know it.  He has never met a woman who is comfortable with casual sex because in his world a woman’s sexuality is a means to an end, getting a commitment and fidelity out of a man.  I’m sure he’s met many women who are comfortable with casual sex, but his attitude and judgment prevent them from coming out of the slut closet to him.  And to say that a woman who is comfortable with casual sex is taking on “male” characteristics is Victorian-era bullshit that hurts both men and women.  Men want sex all the time and women need to be in a relationship to have satisfying sex; anything other than that messes with his very antiquated ideas of sex, gender, and sexuality.  And if I’m the first woman to take offense to “holding out” it’s only because I have the time to bother to tell him that sex can be just sex.

[To be continued.  Just one more.]

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

From: S M <shazamsf@sbcglobal.net>
Subject: Re: Really?
To: John
Date: Monday, April 5, 2010, 2:56 AM

John,

While I’m certainly not happy that you were victimized by the Catholic Church, I don’t think that you were has anything to do with the discussion we’re having.  We’re talking about giving advice based not on logic or reason, but on your own assumptions about how the world – and the people within it – works.

Of course one has to have a moral code, however to say, for example, that abortion is never right, doesn’t take into consideration some real, and messed-up, things that happen in the world.  As a survivor of sexual abuse I would expect you to have sympathy.  What if the abuse you suffered resulted in a pregnancy?  Would you want to carry the child of your abuser?  Would you want to suffer not only the original violation, but also the violation of an unwanted and forced pregnancy? Isn’t that inability to choose further victimization?

I don’t think age makes someone either irrelevant or wise, I do think one’s way of thinking can do both.  Just having a few years behind you does not grant you special status.  Whether you would be revered only for your age in other cultures is not relevant, and I find it comical that you bring that up considering you seem to not be able to take into account cultures other than our own privileged American one.

Again, your personality type is not relevant.  Neither is your sexual past, nor your age.  What is relevant is that you give advice based on all these things without taking into consideration that people are not like you, that your experience of the world is not the only one, and that making sweeping assumptions is not conducive to actually helping people.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel

_______________
Hey Suzanne:

I am not as naive or as self centered as you take me for. I have worked extensively with groups who work with pregnant women.  Let us take for example rape.  It is a horrible experience.  The presumption is that people want to make the woman clean and whole from the rape so of course she should have an abortion.  The reality is that an abortion will not make her unraped.  It won’t erase the memory or the experience.  The abortion simply victimizes her all over again.  She is put into a clinic that is nothing more than a factory.  She is forced to get naked with nothing more than a gown and place her feet in stirrups and legs spread wide apart, her uterus is stretched and a cannula with a currette is inserted in her uterus and she has to listen to the scream of the suction machine and the slurping sounds that it makes as it sucks out pieces of baby.  All you do is add guilt to her, guilt that lasts for years.

I would counsel women who have been raped to have the baby and give it up for adoption. In this way, she can reclaim ownership of her body and good can come from bad circumstances that happened to her.  She can know that there is a loving couple who will love this baby uncondtiionally.

We live in a society that grants women the power of God and the old roman emperor, who held a thumb up or a thumb down for the gladiator to live or to die.  If a woman wants an abortion, then it is not a baby.  If she wants the baby and a car hits her and she loses the baby, then the person who hit her is charged with vehicular manslaughter.  The twelve year old boy who shot his pregnant step mother is being charged witih double murder.  This is schizophrenic.  It is the woman who decides whether it is a baby or not.

I call them like I see them.  A lot of women have thanked me for my advice.

It is certainly your right to disagree with my advice. I disagree with your approach as well.  I am much more a hands on kind of clinician than the hands off type of clinician where anything goes.  Tradtional marriage counselors have a 75% failure rate. Coaches have a 75% success rate.

Best Wishes
John

_______________
From: S M <shazamsf@sbcglobal.net>
Subject: Re: Really?
To: John
Date: Monday, April 5, 2010, 3:55 AM

I will write more later, as it truly makes me weary to have to explain fundamentals such as the fact that you cannot understand what it’s like to be pregnant since it is impossible for you to be so.  If someone chooses something of her free will then she is not victimized.
_______________
Hey Suzanne:

I have had 5 kids and two of them daughters.  I understand pregnancy better than you think.  I also went to nursing school as well.

So often women don’t choose willingly.  They are pressured into the abortion decision.  This includes so called counseling at the abortion mill.
These women are not given informed consent. They are subjected to a very one sided view.

As I said, I can’t control people’s lives, they are free to choose or reject my advice as they see fit.

Best wishes
John

[Yes, dear god, there is more.]

I swear.  True story.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

From: John
To: S M <shazamsf@sbcglobal.net>
Sent: Sun, April 4, 2010 2:58:56 PM
Subject: Re: Really?

Hey Suzanne:

I find it amusing that you take the tack that since Carrie Prejean is not living a perfect Christian life, that she has no right to an opinion and she is therefore fair game for vicious attacks.  It sounds like you are being supportive of Perez Hilton’s highly sexist and misogynistic attack.  But since he is one of the girls apparently it is okay with you.  I would hope that this not the case.

As to underage girls claiming to be much older.  I have known of dozens of such instances a couple in my own family.  One young man was going to be tried for statutory rape becuase he believed the girl.  Fortunately the defense lawyer brought up her faceook page claiming that she was 19 rather than the 13 she actually was.  I used to work in the pro life movement and there were a lot of girls who deliberately got pregnant.

You seemed to take the tack that girls are completely innocent and guys are the evil ones.

As to promiscuous sex and sex without a relationship, my advice more closely follows mainstream clinicians advice than does yours, so I am not going to change my views on this.  Our advice is just that, people can accept it or reject it.  You are free to disagree with my advice online and people can decide what if any advice that they want to take.

I refuse to give advice contrary to my my moral compass and values. Whenever my advice could be considered inflammatory, I with hold that advice as you have seen with the same sex marriage problems.  I give the best advice that I know how and you are certainly entitled to your opinion and differ with me.  If we all gave the same advice then he would not need multiple advice givers on the site.  I would always give advice not to have an abortion and I am quite sure that would cause you to become livid with my advice.  But I won’t vary from that either.  We will have to agree to disagree.  But please feel free to challenge me, because the Bible says that like iron sharpens iron so a brother can do also, in your case a sister.

Best Wishes
John

_______________

From: S M <shazamsf@sbcglobal.net>
Subject: Re: Really?
To: John
Date: Sunday, April 4, 2010, 10:37 PM

John,

You are once again reading into my words things that are simply not there.  I did not say that Ms. Prejean or anyone else is not entitled to her opinion.  I did say that the basis for her opinion, the teachings of the Bible, is a flawed foundation, and that if she’s going to claim to be a Christian with “higher” moral values than non-Christians, then she should walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

If you notice, I did not address Perez Hilton and his treatment of Ms. Prejean AT ALL.  Are you reading what I’m writing, or just reading into what I’m writing?  I’m not sure how not writing anything about Perez Hilton can be interpreted as support of his behavior.

Of course there are SOME underage girls who claim to be the age of majority.  And of course there are some girls/women who deliberately get pregnant when a pregnancy is ill-advised.  However, anecdotal evidence is just that, anecdotal.  Because something has happened before does not mean it will happen again, and it certainly does not mean it will happen every time.

Again, you are making assumptions about my opinions based on something that I’ve simply not written.  I NEVER said girls are innocent and guys are evil.  I don’t characterize people – male or female – as evil, ever.  Everyone has the capacity for good and bad, and everything in between.  Men and women, boys and girls, can be victims as well as victimizers.

Enjoying sex for the sake of enjoying sex does not imply promiscuity, and promiscuity is not necessarily a “bad” thing.  Sexually active people should be aware of the risks and benefits of their behavior and act accordingly, with respect for themselves and others.  I understand that your own opinions are based on your beliefs that sexuality unless within the confines of a committed heterosexual relationship is wrong, and I’m certainly not trying to change your mind, but you should understand that yours isn’t the only way to think/live.

Of course I did not suggest you give advice contrary to your opinion.  What I suggested is that you not jump to conclusions about infidelity, etc., based on the little information given in the questions.  Just because someone has a job at a gym and is simultaneously acting like an ass to his girlfriend does not mean he is enjoying the attention of multiple other ladies.  And enjoying attention from people not one’s mate does not make a person “bad.”

I’m not even going to touch that you would “always” advise against abortion.  The world is not quite so black and white.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel

_______________
Hey Suzanne:

In case you missed it, I was doing clairificatioin.  I said that it sounded like you were taking a position, not that you were taking that position. I was reacting to your feelings and responding with my interpretation of what it sounded like you were inferring.

As a man, I will always respond differently than you will.  I recognize patterns.  The young lady stated that her boyfriend had been previously loving and attentive.  Now that he had a job at the gym he was ignoring her and treating her badly.  He is in a postion to be hit on by a lot of women and that was my assesment for why he was being crappy to his girlfriend when he had previously been loving and attentive.  That is my call and I stand by it.

We don’t have the option of getting in depth intake, we have the limited one sided description of the person’s opinion of the facts.  We are asked to give our advice based upon that and I do.  People are free to accept it or reject it as they choose.  It is free advice on a free site.

Are there exceptions to the rule, of course there are.  I am speaking to the majority out there.  The majority of people do better having sex in a committed relationship.

As to Carrie Prejean not living the walk, we are all hypocrites and we are all sinners according to the bible.  We are all at various stages of spiritual maturity.  Just because she is not a perfect christian should not open her up for the vicious attacks.  You came across as she got what she had coming because she did not meet up with your standards of spiritual maturity and therefore she had no business answering as she did.  Perez Hilton deliberately asked the question so that he could ellicit the answer that he wanted so that he could launch his hate speech attack.  I am frankly mortified at your take on that issue.  No one, especially a young woman should have been slandered in the way that he did.  As I said, she answered in the same way that Obama would but I don’t see you attacking him, but maybe it is because he is politiclaly correct.

Best wishes
John

[To be continued.  The guy's a fucking idiot.]

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.

©2010 Random Rim Jobs. All Rights Reserved.