Random Rim Jobs

This week the book MWF Seeking BFF comes out.  I don’t notice when most books come out so this book, about a woman who moves to Chicago because of her partner’s job (sound familiar?) and then spends a year looking for a best friend, must’ve struck a chord.  I’m still not sure if I’m going to bother to read it.

I’ve been in Chicago a year and I don’t have a BFF here.  I have a good friend whom I see about once a month when she comes into the big city from the ‘burbs.  I’ve met a lot of people that I thought maybe could be my friend but so far nothing’s worked out.

I know that friendly relationships are like romantic ones in that you just have to keep cycling through them until eventually you find someone with whom you click, but it’s time consuming, nerve wracking, and heartbreaking.  At least with romantic (read, sexual) relationships I can resort to sex if we don’t have much to say to each other.

I tried strictly platonic Craig’s List listings with no success.  Of course I could go back and beat the dead horse some more but I just don’t have the energy to wade through oceans of stupidity.

Through Meetup.com I signed up for a group that seemed like it could be fun.  The host said our activities were to truly bond, not just to meet acquaintances.  To that end, she planned drunken brunches, Brazilian waxes, sex shops, and tattoo and piercing events for our meetups.  Fun!  I used to have groups of girlfriends with whom I’d go to spas and such, and I love me a drunken brunch, so I was in.  Bonus was that the Meetup organizer was also new to Chicago so we could commiserate with each other over winter woes (she was from Texas).

The first time I met ladies from the group was a brunch of the drunken variety.  We all started out sober, but that didn’t last long in a place where the mimosas were bottomless.  The food was decent, too, especially considering it, too, was bottomless.  Over buffet food and lots of mimosas we talked, but the true sharing didn’t happen until we started playing “Never Have I Ever.”  Turned out one of the ladies at the table had never given a blow job and another lady had never kissed a girl.  The one who hadn’t had cock in her mouth had been kissing only girls until very recently and had yet to get a taste for cock, and the one who had never kissed a girl hadn’t had the drunken coed experience despite having very recently completed Ohio State.

After our adult bonding the whole group went to a sex shop where quite a few of us bought some toys.  No one was freaked out by the store, and after our game of “Never Have I Ever” it would have been odd if anyone was.  They didn’t seem phased at all when I bought a strap-on harness.  I ran for the bus saying a fond goodbye to my new friends.

Well, “friends.”  I didn’t have anyone’s phone number; any contact was through the Meetup.com page.  I was excited that I had had a fun day with a group of ladies.  I wasn’t concerned that everyone else who had attended the brunch seemed to already know each other; there has to be a first time meeting for everyone, right?  The group had proved itself to be open minded, and alcohol-, queer-, and swear-friendly so I was in.

The next time we got together was at a tattoo and piercing studio.  I had been planning a tattoo for a long time but had never gotten around to it in San Francisco so I knew exactly what I wanted.  I showed up slightly early and set about getting the tattoo.  I was going to get it whether the other ladies showed up, but a little social support would have been nice.  When I didn’t see them I figured most everyone had canceled and the host canceled the Meetup altogether since the last time I checked out the site.  But I was going to get a tattoo no matter what.

After the artist drew what he thought I wanted and I approved it, he set about getting his station ready.  Just as he called me back, the Meetup host showed up.  She said that she and the other ladies had met earlier at a bar in order to build up courage.  I don’t know if the host thought I was some sort of teetotaler – and she shouldn’t have considering our initial meeting over many mimosas – but I told her that drinking before a tattoo or piercing is not a good idea since alcohol can thin the blood, which can be troublesome, especially for a tattoo.

As I began getting tattooed, the host went to retrieve the other ladies from the bar.  Everyone else showed up just as my tattoo was getting bandaged so none of them saw it fresh.  A couple of the ladies got tattoos and a couple other got piercings.

Afterwards we went to a pretty dead sports bar across the street.  We chatted, and some of the conversation turned bawdy, but before too long someone wanted to get “supplies” for her new piercing and rather than stay by myself at a bar that was blasting whatever game was on, I opted to go home.

By this time the host and I had exchanged numbers.  We texted each other some asking after our new body adornments, but that was it.

I RSVPd that I would go to several more of the group’s meeting, and I wanted to go, but then finances were such that it was silly for me to go out to dinner when there was food in the house, that it was silly for me to get a Brazilian wax when there was a beard trimmer in the house, that it was silly for me to go out drinking when there was booze in the house, so I RSVPd that I couldn’t go. The next time I was actually able to see them I would explain the situation.

I got a text when the ladies were out to Greek food (a thing here in Chicago) that they wished I had made it.  How sweet!  I was looking forward to the next drunken brunch at another place with bottomless mimosas.  If nothing else, the Meetup group would allow me to survey bottomless mimosa brunches in Chicago.

When the brunch was still a couple of weeks off I got an official, do-no-respond-to-this-message message from Meetup.com letting me know the Meetup group was no more.  Wha?  The group’s site on Meetup.com said that the group was no longer active, but still noted the upcoming events.  I was very curious so I texted the host.  She didn’t respond.  Well, I was sure I’d get a full explanation at the brunch.

And then the brunch was canceled.  I never heard directly from the Meetup’s host so I have no idea why the group was dissolved.  The insecure child in me thinks the group was dissolved just so the rest of the ladies could get together without the possibility of me showing up, but that’s silly, right?  When we got together we had fun, I thought.  Sure, I wasn’t into going out dancing at clubs, but I wouldn’t have been into doing that with anyone, no matter what their skin color.

Did I mention that I was the only white girl in the group?  And I only bring this up because I brought it up to a couple of people who’ve lived in Chicago longer than I, and they suggested that that might be the reason the group was dissolved.  They said Chicago is a very segregated city.  Maybe I just live in a white privilege bubble, but I don’t see why if that is so that it has to go on being so.  The things I felt I didn’t have in common with any of the ladies from the group – cock sucking experience, lady kissing experience – had absolutely nothing to do with race as far as I could tell.  Or I’m just naive.

I’ve met a few ladies through OkCupid, but I guess that forum makes it necessary that there’s some sort of sexual spark if the “friendship” is to develop.  And I would love to again have a friend with whom I like hanging and also fucking, but just the hanging part would absolutely be enough for me right now.  One lady said I was too intense.  One lady seemed as enthused to meet me as I was to meet her but then things fizzled out, I think because I’m not kinky enough, whatever that means.  One lady I’m still not sure about.

I don’t have the fortitude to do a lady date a week for a year in order to find a friend like the woman who wrote MWF Seeking BFF, but I suppose I should keep trying.