Random Rim Jobs

12:01 A.M.

Wednesday was the Duchess show at English Acid.  I finally got Jeff to take me, but due either to my slow primping skills, or Jeff’s lame sense of direction, we got there after they had already started.  We heard two and a half song, “Gash,” “Let Me In,” and “Rake,” but they only played five so we really didn’t miss much.  But they did “Naughty Messiah” which I like the music to ’cause Henry wrote it.

I got myself a drink and then looked for Henry.  I barely caught him walking away from the bar with beers for Dave and himself when I got his attention.  [Victoria's Secret perfume has lasting power – put it on Wednesday afternoon and it's still on.]  He didn’t like the band after them, Pygmy Love Circus, so we went to an adjoining room and talked.  By this time I had finished my drink (Alcohol does effect me if I don’t eat for several, like eight, hours before I drink.) and felt alright.  I was being affectionate.  Quite, so he made us move to a more secluded spot right by a bathroom.  It took a bit but then we started going at it.  He must have a thing about PDA, which is good, so he said that no one knew that the bathroom was there so we went in there.  I was up on the sink counter with my legs braced against the wall across from me – on the door jamb – and he was between my legs.  It was lit with a red light and there was a mirror across from us.  I was very much wrapped up in not so much Henry as in how I felt.  How it felt to have a warm body so close to mine.  To feel hands wandering on my body.  To be with someone.  To feel secure and safe.  And I wanted so much more.  His hands felt so damn good between my legs and the whole setting was rather erotic – a quickie in a club bathroom – where’s a camera when you need one?  But I had a tampon in that I didn’t want him to find out the hard way about so I stopped him.  We talked for a while and then someone pounded on the door.  We had to walk out of the bathroom together in front of a line of people.  I was a little embarrassed to say the least.  We walked back to the main room where Dave found him to put his stuff in his truck.  Dave is like Henry’s little individual roadie.  (Wayne from “Wayne’s World” says roadies are “at the bottom of the chick evolution chain” or something like that.)  He didn’t even say hello to me – that’s not very nice of him.  The rest of the night was pretty boring with Jeff.

The other night – Tuesday I think – Laura was over and we were bored so we got to calling people.  Bill was one of them and I asked him what went on the night he met Henry.  He heard the name of the band and right away asked him if he knew me, then said, “She thinks very highly of you.”  Could I die?  It’s a good thing he already knows that and I’m done being coy ’cause otherwise I’d want to crawl into a hole and die.  So then Bill was telling me that Henry didn’t seem like my type and he acts macho and like a loadie and why don’t I find myself a nice girl.  So that got me to thinking about how much I put up wit from Henry and I wanted to give him an ultimatum.  He called while Laura was talking to Bill so I had my chance.  I asked him why he calls me.  He likes to talk to me.  What he’d do if I told him I didn’t want to talk or be friends any more.  He’d ask why.  Then we got to talking.  I told him it was up to him weather it’d be more or less and he said he’s afraid to do either for fear of what would’ve or could’ve had he chosen the other.  And he doesn’t want “a full commitment.” On a priority rating from 1 to 100 I rate an 85.  I told him I think he wouldn’t really care if we stopped talking but I’d want him to.  He asked me if I’d care or if it’d really effect me and I said, “Yes.  I like you, I like talking to you, I like the way you think.”  He didn’t say anything for a bit and then said that he was speechless.  Isn’t that sweet?  So he was some sort of decision to make.  But he has been more open with me.  He told me he was stressed about work and stuff.  I doubt seriously if he’d tell that to Dave.  He wanted me to tell him where I wanted things to go but I told him that since I’ve had to do everything so far that he had to do it.  He doesn’t know that I won’t tell him because I’m sure I want more than he does.  Last night his arms felt so nice.  Jeez, the things I’d like to do to him.  The things I’d like to do with him.  Oh, he’s getting me a t-shirt.  He was supposed to bring it to me but forgot.  Guess he’ll have to come over or mail it to me.