Random Rim Jobs
I swear. True story.February 6, 1992: A Diary Entry
Posted on September 16, 201111:54A.M.
Henry came to see me at work last night. He’s being so good. It’s weird. But he makes me nervous at work. I was surprised to see him and for some reason embarrassed. But why? We’ve been so close. Not just because we’ve had sex because I’ve done that with other people and not felt anything. But we’ve felt each other, known each other. For some reason I still look at him and find it hard to believe that I know him carnally.
Tonight’s the show at the Palms. I get to see that little cutie play. Watching him makes me so excited. He looks so sweet with his hair falling over his forehead while he’s looking down. And watching his hands.
Dukey told Henry he should go on stage in a leather jacket and leather jockstrap and have his girlfriend lick him all over. Dukey has some great ideas, I’ll give him that. And it actually sounds kind of appealing except that I wouldn’t look good on stage unless I was a lot skinnier.
February 5, 1992: A Diary Entry
Posted on September 11, 20119:54AM
I asked him last night what we were. He said good friends. He also told me that he hasn’t had a girlfriend for a long time and she had conflicts with his guitar so they broke up and in high school he “slutted around” (his words) so he’s really not used to a relationship. Well, I assumed that anyway so it wasn’t news to me. He’s afraid of falling into a pattern with me and not being able to get out – like he has with Bill and the band. At that I got kind of mad because he just assumes he’ll get bored with me and have trouble ducking out. I told him that if anyone would be bored, it should be me for waiting around for a year for him to get his act together and shouldn’t I get some credit for that? He said that he has given me some and right now he’s not bored with me at all – quite the opposite. That’s good. I told him that the “good friends” thing bothered me and yes, I do want more. I asked him if he would care if I told him I was dating and had sex with someone else. His reaction was that he couldn’t do anything about it but he “wouldn’t be happy.” (The Laura-Suzanne language is spreading like wildfire.) I think he’s afraid of getting hurt and hurting me so I told him that yeah, we’d probably both get hurt but if you don’t take any chances, you don’t gain anything either. I want him to take a chance with me. He told me some stuff he’s never told anyone before. I asked if that meant that I had gotten in there a little bit and he said yes. And he told me that when he left here Friday night he felt good. I knew something was different for both of us.
I was wondering what would’ve happened if w had sex last summer like he wanted to. Would that have been it? Would he have moved on? If so, then I’m glad we waited so long.
I got my tattoo. It’s on my left upper arm. According to Laura, it’s huge. It’s about two inches in diameter but it’s bigger than any others of mine. It hurts. And it hurt quite a bit when I got it. Well, not it’s here forever. Dottie, who is very nice and pretty cute, said if there were any places there were a little grey I could go back to get it filled in for free. Well I hope so.
Tonight Laura and I are supposed to go to Spice and get in free with Jake, a guy we met at 1970 a few weeks ago. But we both have to work late so we don’t know if we’ll make it to meet him on time. We’re gonna try but if we don’t make it, it’s no skin off our noses.
February 2, 1992: A Diary Entry
Posted on September 04, 20117:54P.M.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to be with or talk to anyone else but Henry. I miss him. I want to feel his warmth and stare into those brown eyes. Laura’s mad at me for something I did at work but I haven’t called her back yet. My mom came by my house and left a note but I don’t want to talk to her either. I just think about him all the time. He called me this morning and I asked if he had a good time and he said, “Well, I didn’t have a bad time.” How annoying. I also asked if things were changed and he said yes, for the better.
I’m sick as hell and I don’t like it one bit.
January 31, 1992: A Diary Entry
Posted on August 29, 201110:17pm
We did it! Yep, he cam over and we talked for a while and he kept looking at me and I’d tell him to stop ’cause I was red. Then he grabbed my toe through the blankets and I kissed him. And we kissed a lot. Then we just looked at each other for the longest time. It was so sweet. I just looked at his eyes and his cute nose and his lower lip. I just felt so elated. Then we talked some more and it was so nice. And we kissed and then he took my shorts off and his clothes. The light was on the whole time while we did it. I sucked on his fingers earlier. And after we did it, we looked at each other again and then he got dressed and said he had to get going. I made him give me a kiss goodbye that was so nice. Then as he was going out the door he asked if he could ask me a question. He asked if I’ve been taking my pills. How sweet. I wanted to ask him if something has changed between us but I didn’t want to sound like a typical girl. But something is different for both of us. I’m happy – I think.
But I’ve won a dinner at the Olive Garden, ten dollars, and I get to keep my integrity. I work with LeUyen tomorrow so I can collect.
January 29, 1992: A Diary Entry (2)
Posted on August 21, 2011honest to god think I’m obsessed w/sex got to thinking that eating ice cream is like really good sex only you don’t have to get in a relationship with the ice cream before you eat it
now I’m thinking oh shit it’s come down to sex all messy and yucky with penises and hair
but then everyone else can do it why didn’t sean make me look and play and handle and suck more? so I could feel more comfortable now
it just seems so far away to see him on stage looking so fucking hot with his pouty little lip – and I’m very turned on
———— but to two bodies sweaty and hairy (I keep coming back to this but – I think he’s just hairier than my ideal whatever that may be
Anyway it seems like two very different universes that I should be able to bring together – o.k. what if his dick is fucked down (hehe) in that case no wonder he only wants to masturbate with me but that’s foreplay not the main event
doesn’t he think it’s odd that dukey whips his dick out at – the whole damn picture strikes me as particularly odd. with Henry as a lone “silent observer” but I haven’t really seen the way he is around them does he let women
odd – BARB AND KIRBY as girls they’re ten plus years older than me yet I could see them as my peers
does he want to be dominated by women? if I was more confident with my handling of the male anatomy then I probably could be his bitch it would suit me quite nicely but first I think a bottom a master should always know to his or her slaves feel
this isn’t some passing fancy I want so much for someone to NO I can do it myself why do I need someone else
I got a picture of a face sort of in negative the bottom of the chin looking up to the side. damn why can’t I draw but I want it on my left midway between my waist and the small of my back. it’ll look like it’s breaking out sort of like stretching my skin. tattoos I’d like Henry to go with me they are an experience yes but something the pain inside scraping its way out through blood and black
I don’t know why when I get the idea it just consumes me until I have to get one
time to wake up take a shower hop on the bus and go to school
January 29, 1992: A Diary Entry (1)
Posted on August 20, 201110:55 A.M.
I can’t sleep well anymore and I don’t know if Henry wants me. He didn’t call me earlier but probably because he didn’t have time ’cause he slept in. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I told Henry that he needed to make a decision but haven’t talked to him about it since then. Should I put everything out on the line? He said he might be able to come over Thursday but I’m not holding my breath. Besides, I have to go register for school and I’ll probably still be in line well into the evening. But then I don’t know ’cause it’s the first day of walk-in registration so there shouldn’t be any people from previous days – I hope.
I can’t see should I turn a light on no that’d be too ez
Ok talking to Henry on the phone really! And I said something about providing stimulating conversation like I usually do and he said yes, can’t you tell and oh god I could hear his breath and the skin hitting the skin and I still don’t know if I imagined all of it or if it was live cause I got so turned on and then he asked why I was breathing heavy but I don’t know if he did it or if it was just me I want him to want me so bad maybe not I can only hallucinate. But then he’s so damn single-minded only thinks about himself and how things will affect him as a person. How can he not think of me. I think about him too much I want to stop does he even care him him him come see me did you like us (me) I me I me
he doesn’t know that you’ve made yourself so fucking crazy over him
maybe I should cut myself off from him w/o telling him so I can hope this has been going on for so damn long Do I know him any better now? Do I know anything? I can’t even think about anything else but him. He thinks he’s so great ’cause I think he’s so great. Ego boost Suzanne – she feels like shit about herself let how she should feel about herself go to you w/o you asking for it. Now he’s sleeping his wet masturbatory fantasies and I’m awake and I will be all fucking night because I’m not the smartest girl in the world.
Why isn’t my house ever clean when I do acid? Do I do it to deal w/things I normally wouldn’t have to
it’s going to be a long night NIRVANA is _______ fill in the blank w/whatever’s appropriate I have big ugly hands this black nail polish isn’t helping at all then those gothics did they do acid ’cause they were supposed to be so deep they wouldn’t have been able to handle it and there’s be more loonies than there are now. What if this goes on forever it wont’ it’ll go away.
in the battle that is this world I find myself alone
i’m not ready to go “out there” so I stay by not getting or even looking for another job. not having a car I really could do whatever I want not be tied down to this place making things come to me complain because they don’t
maybe I will get a scooter but then I think how dumb. I want a car but do I really could I handle driving I probably only think I can’t because I haven’t had any practice
why does my little home always have so much damn garbage
January 28, 1992: A Diary Entry
Posted on August 10, 20119:08P.M.
I’m waiting for Jeff and Laura to come over here so we can go to the Coconut Teazer to see Henry. Oh, and his band too.
