Random Rim Jobs

The series endures.  These pointers should be kept in mind every time you go to your fuck’s place.  Don’t get too comfortable, buddy.  Y’all are having casual sex so you don’t have to go through the bullshit of a “real” relationship.  So when she tires of your rude behavior it’s likely she won’t bother telling you you’ve been cut off; and you won’t realize you have been until all your emails to her go unanswered.  One must diligently maintain one’s manners if one wants the good sex is to continue.

• Her home is not a hotel.  That means you can’t leave used towels wadded on the floor or tangles of hair in the shower drain, or use her toiletries with impunity.  Put the toilet seat down for goodness’ sake.  You have been offered a generous gift of being a guest in her home–and in her pussy (and, if you’re lucky, her ass)–treat it like the the privilege it is.  She is not a maid, and even if she is a maid, she’s not your maid.  Leave a mess and she’ll punish you accordingly, i.e., no more pussy.

• Don’t help yourself to anything unless you hear the words, “Help yourself.”  And remember that “help yourself” is not a blanket statement that gives you permission to help yourself to everything.  This includes eating any food; drinking any beverage; changing the channel on the television; playing music; using toiletries; opening anything such as cabinets, the refrigerator, closets, bedroom doors, and so on.  Don’t nose around her computer, her desk, or her snail mail.  Just because you’re in her home does not mean she doesn’t deserve privacy.  You’re there to fuck her, not to do her taxes–you don’t need to see her W-2s.

• Use your phone–whether “smart” or otherwise–on your own time.  You have an actual person with a willing mouth and wet pussy in front of you–much better than your Internet “friends.”

More to come ….

I swear.  True story.

Remember, pupils, that our goal is for ongoing semi-regular hot sex.  We need to treat the situation and the lady with the reverence they deserve.  Isn’t it cool that casual sex can be discussed openly?  Aren’t we living in a great time when we can have a good relationship and good sex with someone without having to have a relationship?  Isn’t it nice that you know this woman has no interest in you for money, jewelry, marriage, children, or anything else but your company and your cock?  My pointers should be taken to heart, dammit.

• Be able to have a conversation with the woman.  You don’t have to have deep philosophical discussions, but it’s nice to gab between bangs.  If you can’t think of anything else, talking about other people you’re fucking or other sexy things you’ve done in the past may give you ideas for even more fun together.

• Don’t overstay your welcome.  If the sex is over and she’s talking on the phone, sitting in front of her computer, watching tv, getting ready to leave, etc., that means she’s done with you.  Take the hint and take your leave.  Better to leave her with a pleasant memory of the good fuck than the bitter taste of your socially retarded ways.

• Don’t run away before she’s come.  And don’t treat the joy that is helping a woman come as a chore.  That’s not sexy and a shit attitude just means it’ll take even longer for her to come.  If she doesn’t come with you, don’t treat her like she’s a freak of nature or take it as a challenge to do everything harder, faster, more.  Some women (and men) need the stars aligned just so in order for them to orgasm with someone else.  Trust her when she says she’s had a nice time, even if she doesn’t have an orgasm.

More to come …

I swear.  True story.