10:55 A.M.

I can’t sleep well anymore and I don’t know if Henry wants me.  He didn’t call me earlier but probably because he didn’t have time ’cause he slept in.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I told Henry that he needed to make a decision but haven’t talked to him about it since then.  Should I put everything out on the line?  He said he might be able to come over Thursday but I’m not holding my breath.  Besides, I have to go register for school and I’ll probably still be in line well into the evening.  But then I don’t know ’cause it’s the first day of walk-in registration so there shouldn’t be any people from previous days – I hope.

I can’t see should I turn a light on no that’d be too ez

Ok talking to Henry on the phone really!  And I said something about providing stimulating conversation like I usually do and he said yes, can’t you tell and oh god I could hear his breath and the skin hitting the skin and I still don’t know if I imagined all of it or if it was live cause I got so turned on and then he asked why I was breathing heavy but I don’t know if he did it or if it was just me I want him to want me so bad maybe not I can only hallucinate.  But then he’s so damn single-minded only thinks about himself and how things will affect him as a person.  How can he not think of me.  I think about him too much I want to stop does he even care him him him come see me did you like us (me) I me I me

he doesn’t know that you’ve made yourself so fucking crazy over him

maybe I should cut myself off from him w/o telling him so I can hope this has been going on for so damn long Do I know him any better now?  Do I know anything?  I can’t even think about anything else but him.  He thinks he’s so great ’cause I think he’s so great.  Ego boost Suzanne – she feels like shit about herself let how she should feel about herself go to you w/o you asking for it.  Now he’s sleeping his wet masturbatory fantasies and I’m awake and I will be all fucking night because I’m not the smartest girl in the world.

Why isn’t my house ever clean when I do acid?  Do I do it to deal w/things I normally wouldn’t have to

it’s going to be a long night NIRVANA is _______ fill in the blank w/whatever’s appropriate I have big ugly hands this black nail polish isn’t helping at all then those gothics did they do acid ’cause they were supposed to be so deep they wouldn’t have been able to handle it and there’s be more loonies than there are now.  What if this goes on forever it wont’ it’ll go away.

in the battle that is this world I find myself alone

i’m not ready to go “out there” so I stay by not getting or even looking for another job.  not having a car I really could do whatever I want not be tied down to this place making things come to me complain because they don’t

maybe I will get a scooter but then I think how dumb.  I want a car but do I really could I handle driving I probably only think I can’t because I haven’t had any practice

why does my little home always have so much damn garbage

Tags: Diary, fantasy, idiot, manners, phone sex

Categories: Diary

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