My Buddy Ozzie (Part 8)
Posted on March 3, 2011[Continued from "My Buddy Ozzie (Part 7)."]
It took a few days, but I finally got another response from the scholar Ozzie:
Are you still writing me bitch?? I told you to stop writing me! Im not interested in you or what you have to say loser. Your boring and annoying as well. I do not want to hear about my grammar bitch. No one asked for your fucking opinion. You writing is amateur at best. You write like a dyslexic substitute teacher, grading papers! Your writing is devoid of any wit or dimension. There is no structure to your writing. You cannot match wits with me….Your too fucking stupid and incredibly corny! Seriously you writing is so fucking bland and corny! Why are you so obsessed over me? Is your life that pathetic? Get a job. Stop collecting cats. Lose some weight.I feel so sorry for you. ha! I would have answered sooner, but i was in Geneva, for a romantic cabin getaway for two days with a woman I met on……….CRAIGSLIST!! Unlike you I have a life and don’t spend my entire time online. You see my menatlly retarded and emotionally insecure deficient( did not mean to insult the retarded. They have class unlike yourself), you are suppose to use that social networking site for dating, networking, etc…not for correcting grammar you annoying fat bitch! Social misfits like yourself , who are emotional insecure,should just shut it! No one, including me, gives a flying fuck of what you have to say loser. I get the last word got it loser! You started this and now I will finish it. You are now officially spam. I will no longer read or respond to your pathetic, horribly written emails. Life is too short to waste time on pathetic losers like yourself. Yes you are now spam. How ironic and poetically justified. Spam is useless and serves no real purpose. Just like you! GET A LIFE! LOSER!
It was just more of the same bullshit regarding what he decided I was. There was also new stupidity. Craig’s List isn’t a social networking site. I’m not even sure how he can type so poorly and erratically, with random spaces and multiple periods. I responded thusly:
You are a lying sack of shit. I know what you look like, and it is not pretty. You look like you get beauty and fashion advice from guys on “The Jersey Shore.”
You, dear readers, may wonder where I got off calling Ozzie a liar or claiming I had seen what he looked like. Let me take you back.
One of my dear readers took it upon himself to write to Ozzie. I had, after all, posted his email address, and y’all could have done with it as you wished. This reader did as he wished. He wrote to Ozzie as Wendy, a 38-year-old blond woman who worked from home. “She” got this picture from Ozzie:
Isn’t he cute. Yeah, I didn’t think so either. He’s wearing a baseball cap, which leads me to believe he’s balding. He’s also wearing a wife beater, which leads me to believe if he had a wife he’d beat her. If you look closely, you can see that his upper arms are hairy, the kind of hairy that indicates his back is also hairy. I know what a guy with a hairy back looks like, and Ozzie is one.
Look also at the rest of the photo. His mirror is dirty and his tacky towel rack is empty. How can I tell the towel rack is tacky? Because that’s the type of towel rack I had in my shitty rented apartments when I was a kid. To some an empty towel rack doesn’t mean anything, but to me it means this guy’s bathroom has wet, mildewed towels on the dirty, hair-covered floor. I promise Ozzie’s toilet is disgusting and his whole bathroom smells of urine.
Other than getting his photo, “Wendy” got some juicy information out of Ozzie. Wendy was sexually adventurous and Ozzie responded to that. He wanted to go on an outing to a cabin with Wendy and one of her hot chick friends. Apparently Ozzie is really into cabins. That must be a Midwest thing.
Ozzie revealed that he wasn’t into getting pegged, but that he really liked ladies with generous asses to sit on his face and smother him. He was into two women overpowering him. Aren’t they all? His favorite position was reverse cowgirl, which makes sense since he liked asses and to not acknowledge that women are humans.
Ozzie also revealed that he wouldn’t mind getting his ass fingered and wanted to try golden showers, something his ex-girlfriend – the only one he’d fucked over the last two years – wasn’t into. And he was into feet.
He claimed he had a thick cock, but I find that hard to believe. He’s just dumb enough to oversell and under deliver on the size of his penis.
One of his many fantasies was to “to propare a meal in the nude and we fuck on the kitchen table and I bend you over doggy.” So hot! Is “proparing” preparing with propane?
Ozzie claims to be done with ShazamChi, but he seems to really think Wendy is a woman who’s interested in him, and there may be someone else ….
I swear. True story.
Tags: ass play, Chicago, CL idiot, pegging, walking contradiction, words count
Categories: True Story.
far fucking out!!! you guys in chicago sure know how to have a rocking-good time on your social network sites! i found your image analysis right on target, from the potential of balding to the hair and wet towels on the floor to the irritating stench of the room.
keep us posted of the further antics of ollie and company…
23.03.2011 01:57
I get the feeling you’re being sarcastic. I’m not saying it’s a high form of entertainment, but it’s entertainment nonetheless. My personal reality tv, if you will.
26.03.2011 12:09
[...] to his word, Ozzie finally stopped responding to my emails. He had given me so, so much material that I was missing [...]
19.04.2011 14:52