My Buddy Ozzie (Part 6)
Posted on March 3, 2011[Continued from "My Buddy Ozzie (Part 5)."]
Again, for clarity, I’ve reposted some things. I wrote Ozzie an email, the relevant portion of which is, “Your secretary did not make up “beeyotch,” and if you think she did, you are even dumber than I though.”
Ozzie (gymjedi@gmail.com) responded thus:
Why do you keep writing me? Im not interested. Ugly fatass bitch. You are so fucking lame bitch. Your writing is so corny. I could see why you are a lonely cat lady! ha! By the way you misspelled the word thought. Its T -H- O -U- G- T. I wrote it out for you letter by letter cause your an incompetant dumbass loser . People who live in glass houses?? Practice what you preach skank your grammar sucks ha!. I must have really gotten under your skin with the length of your last email!! ha! ha! Love it! Go feed your cats ok cat lady. Get a fuckin life and a career instead of surfing craigslist all day . Dumbass beeeyyoootttchhhh!!
Ozzie got me, I did misspell. What I found great is that he kept writing me asking me why I was writing him. If he’d ever been in an adult relationship he’d've been the type who couldn’t just block an ex’s number, but had to keep responding.
I keep writing you because you keep wring me, Ozzie. I wouldn’t want to be rude. My writing may be corny, but at least it’s correct – with one exception. You are correct, I misspelled “thought.” It was a careless typo on my part. You misspelled “incompetent.” I never claimed to be perfect and I didn’t once resort to insulting what I perceived your looks to be, but I can’t imagine you’ve got a lot going on considering your advanced age and single status. Grammar, fucktard, is not the same as spelling.
Have you ever heard the British term, “taking the piss”? Well, that’s what I’m doing with you. You have not gotten under my skin because you’ve not been accurately insulting in any way. You’re (used correctly) monotonous and have a limited, immature, and pathetic vocabulary.
One thing I can say is that your “Dumbass beeeyyoootttchhhh!!” is evocative of a middle-aged, woman-hating man who doesn’t understand why he can’t find someone who will put up with him long-term.
I wish I had pointed out that the proper way to write out the spelling of something does not include spaces either before or after the hyphens, but I’m sure that would’ve gone way over his waterhead.
Ozzie kept writing. He responded to a previous email, the pertinent part of which is, “I’m pretty sure I’ve never met Megan, so I’m not sure how she has any insight into my personality. Unless she’s the Megan with whom I went to law school … but then she wouldn’t be working as a secretary. Ask Megan why she doesn’t have any ambition, would you, Ozzie?”
The sad reality in all of this is that ,you my dear skank are one insecure woman. You are an insecure woman who projects her pathetic life on others she has never even met. Is your life really that desolate? I feel so bad for you.One thing we have learned is that you have alot, I mean alot, of time on your hands bitch. Your emails are so pathetic. I actually feel so sorry for you. I honestly do. Arguing with you is like arguing with a child or mental deficient. So Tell me did you critique any other ads on cl you insecure bitch?? Your writing is so feeble and it does not endeavor to render me awestruck by any means. Try reading a book ( I suggest anything by Kafka. Paranoia and insecurity are themes you can certainly relate to . I am so pleased that my emails give an icy cold bitch like you joy. I realize a loser like yourself has all day to write senseless emails. By the way Megan is 5ft 8 110 very fit, and she is going to medical school. She is the antithesis of what you are in every way. That means the opposite Einstein. Well better let you get back to your fear and loathing and many , and I mean many obvious insecurities. Feed your catsssss and read a book ok? Have a wonderful night …Maybe you can dream that you have a decent life and that your not so pathetic. You can always dream!!
It was so strange that Ozzie made all sorts of assumptions about me but didn’t comprehend the truthful things I was actually telling him.
Yes, there’s more ….
I swear. True story.
Tags: Chicago, CL idiot, sexy?, words count
Categories: guest writer, moron, True Story.
Since you published his email address I decided to write Ozzie. He wants to have lunch with me this weekend up in Chicago. Have you seen a picture of him yet? Let me know if you’d like a copy.
Wasn’t Megan his secretary? It seems rather odd to me that his secretary is a medical student.
Cheers,
Brick
18.03.2011 08:22
[...] [Continued from "My Buddy Ozzie (Part 6)."] [...]
18.03.2011 14:26