9:40 A.M.

I called him this morning – earlier – and he was till asleep so his mother went to get him but he apparently wanted to sleep some more so he’s supposed to call back “in a little bit.”  How long is a little bit?  Is it over an hour?  It must be ’cause that’s how long it’s been and now I’ve lost the nerve to tell him the poop.  How many times have I lost the nerve?  Too many.  Only one time has he told me how he feels.  Why can’t he be more open?  Why?  Why?  Why?  And I have to go to work soon.  And I’m getting my shower fixed tomorrow – I hope.  I want to tell him that he’s the reason I’ve gone on the Pill.  When he asked me if I was sexually active, was he trying to get me to tell him about Nathan?  I want a “normal” boyfriend.  I want to spend a day at my house just having sex and talking and having sex some more and laughing and having sex and crying and having sex and sharing feelings.  God, sometimes I think I might be asking too much but then I know I’m not.  He is capable – I think.

Tags: Diary, idiot, phone sex

Categories: Diary

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