Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone trans, do not put suckers in pussies.  You see, the vagina has a delicate balance of bacteria and yeast.  Kill all the bacteria, which can happen with some oral antibiotics, and the yeast can take over, causing a yeast infection.

Some of you may think that a yeast infection is a stinky prospect.  You would be wrong.  If a pussy smells unclean when it is clean, that is probably bacterial vaginosis, which is caused by too much bacteria, not too much yeast.  The owner of said stinky puss needs to go to a doctor.

A yeast infection does not require a doctor’s visit any longer.  When I was a kid, it did.  The yeast fighting medication was doled out by prescription only; now it’s on drugstore shelves.  I lived with my mother from age four to age 11.  We never had much money, and my mother rarely had health insurance.  When she got a yeast infection she did not go to the doctor to have expensive medicine prescribed; she went to the grocery store for plain yogurt.

I would suggest to this woman that she buy herself some yogurt because introducing sugar to the vagina can do what taking bacteria away can do:  Mess up the delicate balance of bacteria and yeast in the vagina.  You see, dear readers, yeast really likes sugar.  It eats it up, gets all strong, and reproduces.  As long as there’s enough food, yeast will keep reproducing.

Those little yeast fuckers aren’t stinky, but they are itchy and very, very messy.  The discharge associated with yeast infections is, uh, unsightly.  Ok, it’s just plain gross.  It’s lumpy.  It’s sticky.  And, with an untreated yeast infection, can be voluminous.  There is nothing sexy about it.

There is nothing sexy about scratching at one’s crotch all the time either.  If you can find a partner who will look past the scratching and the discharge, you should still be careful.  Be careful alone as well.  Toys and boys can both get yeast infections.  Just when yours is all cleared up, an infected toy or penis can give that nasty infection right back to you.  No thank you.

Several years back I kept getting yeast infections.  I treated my infections with over-the-counter medication, which is not cheap, usually around $15 US.  Just when I thought the treatment had worked, I’d get that familiar and dreaded tingling that signaled the beginning of another infection.  Dammit!

I was married and monogamous at the time so it was pretty easy to make sure the one penis that was going in me wasn’t.  I was not getting reinfected by him, yet the infections just kept coming.  At the time I was monogamous, but had cheated on my husband when I was in Thailand (both the first and second times).

I had been tested for all the STIs, including HIV, when I returned from Thailand.  I was treated for an STI that was cleared up with a single dose of antibiotics, but had not tested positive for anything else.  I was relieved, and felt very lucky considering I’d had unprotected sex with multiple partners in a place with a high rate of HIV.  However, when I kept getting yeast infections, I began to worry.

HIV, as you all know, fucks with the immune system.  Being able to keep yeast infections at bay is one of the things a non-immunocompromised body does all the time.  Recurring yeast infections can be a sign that the immune system is compromised.  I went to the doctor, because at the time I did have health insurance.

I had another HIV test, which was negative.  Yet I continued to have yeast infections.  I was not having any fun at all between the no sex, the itching, and the discharge, and I still didn’t know what was causing my flora and fauna to go out of whack.  I had not taken any antibiotics.  My diet had not changed significantly.  I wasn’t using new soap ….

Wait a minute, I was using new soap.  I had been given a big bottle of Summer Hill scented Crabtree & Evelyn body wash by my parents (my father and step-mother).  My step-mother had obviously picked the scent based on her own taste in scents.  I didn’t want to be ungrateful, and it didn’t smell as bad as, say, patchouli or Chanel No. 5, so I used it.

I love a lot of the products Crabtree & Evelyn carry, my favorite being Goatmilk soap.  However, I will never use any Summer Hill product again.  The smell makes me squirm and itch with the memory.  I stopped using the body wash and the yeast infections stopped.  Well, at least from that cause.  They’re always lurking around the corner if I take the wrong antibiotics, or if I use a strongly scented soap, or, or, or.

I swear.  True story.

Tags: disaster, mmm pussy, sexy?

Categories: True Story.

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