I like guns.  Well, the idea of guns.  They’re dirty and they’re wrong.  But they’re oh-so-attractive.  So attractive that I recently found myself researching the rules to buying a gun in California.  I don’t really want a gun … I don’t think.

Actually, I already have a gun.  A gun made out of Lego bricks.  I love Lego and I’m fascinated with guns so this seemed like a natural thing for me to get.  I ordered my Desert Eagle from Brick Gun a few years ago.  I’d tried to put it together but fucked up by mixing up two parts, and had given up for a while.  I didn’t have time; I wasn’t in the mood to play.

The Viking encourages me to play.  After we spent some time in Chicago, where there’s a Lego store, my love of Lego was well-cemented.  I custom-made my own Lego people and then made them fuck.  The Viking bought me some Lego kits as well.  I reminded him that I have a gun ready to be assembled.

So a night in the not-too-distant past the Viking began putting the gun together.  I had had some wine.  When we ran out of wine I dipped into the liquor cabinet.  Due to my alcohol habit, the liquor cabinet tends to contain only liquors used for cooking.  I’m not so far gone into said alcohol habit that I need to drink booze meant for cooking.  I am, however, so far into said alcohol habit that when the Viking was assembling a gun out of Lego bricks I decided to drink the Mason jarred corn whiskey.

Despite appearances, the corn whiskey is not actually moonshine.  It was purchased in a liquor store, or maybe a BevMo, many years ago.  The Ex bought it back before he was the Ex.  We broke up in 2007, and he moved out, taking the jar o’ booze with him.  Then, two years later, when he and his stupid (as in unintelligent and lame) girlfriend moved in, he brought it with him.  When, after the stupid girlfriend attacked me and they moved out, the Ex forgot his booze in his haste to get him and his crap (that includes the stupid girlfriend) out of the place.

The Ex was a bourbon drinker.  He may still be, but I neither know nor care.  Back when we were together he was a bourbon drinker.  His everyday drink was Maker’s Mark, but he would drink fancier – and more expensive – bourbons on special occasions.  As bourbon is whiskey, he also tried out various whiskeys in his drinking career.  On a whim he bought whiskey that was marketed to look like moonshine including being “bottled” in Mason jars.  He tried some and immediately declared that it was horrible, and then moved with it on at least two occasions.

I poured myself a shot of the corn whiskey.  I’d already been drinking some so it was easy to ignore the rubbing alcohol smell of the whiskey as I tossed it down my gullet. I poured the Viking a shot.  He seemed to think it wasn’t so bad.  He continued working on the gun.  I poured him another shot.  We had a few shots … that weren’t so terrible.

It took a while for the drunken Viking to assemble the gun because the Brick Gun company’s directions are not nearly as clear as Lego’s directions.  Lego, however, does not endorse Brick Gun’s products in any way.

Finally, the Desert Eagle was assembled including all the moving parts.  HOT!  I like guns.

Here is the Viking looking all crazed with a gun in his hand.  He looks all dirty and sexy.

I swear.  True story.

Tags: booze, Chicago, guns, SF love, toys

Categories: True Story.

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