We all know that summer is concert season.  I saw this advertisement on BART indicating some upcoming concerts in the Bay Area.  (Please forgive the photo’s quality, as the train was moving when I took it.)  Here are six musical events I will not be attending this or any other summer.

I do like some Iron Maiden music.  My step-sister and I had the cassette of Seventh Son of a Seventh Son and listened to the shit out of it.  Now, thanks to the Viking, I have access to all of their albums.  That’s enough.  A concert with Iron Maiden fans does not sound fun.

The Warped Tour.  I’m too old and pale to take in an all-day music festival.  I’m also not cool enough.  Or have enough tattoos.  I’m fine with that.

The Mayhem Festival.  I’ve seen Rob Zombie back in the day when he was playing clubs, probably the early 1990s.  I’m over him, and I have no interest in any of the other bands.  Also, too old, not cool enough, not enough tattoos.  Rockstar and Jägermeister, two drinks I have NO interest in drinking, are sponsors.

I think Toby Keith is a country musician.  No thank you.  Not even interested enough to look him up.  Not going.

I would stab myself in both ears with ice picks before I’d go to a Rush concert so I wouldn’t have to actually hear that horrible voice.  If I’m feeling the need to torture myself I can listen to recorded Rush – the Viking has ‘em.

Don’t know who or what Paramore is.  I don’t know if not knowing makes me cool or dorky.  I don’t care.

I wasn’t into Slayer or Megadeth back in the 80s.  Not into them now.  The crowd would be sad rockers who are pissed that they had kids with their high school sweethearts.  No thank you.

Finally, Jimmy Buffett.  I have no interest in going to Margaritaville or eating a cheeseburger in paradise.  Or hanging out with people my parents’ peers.

I swear.  True story.

Tags: sexy?, SF love

Categories: True Story.

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