Of course he called when I had just about given up on life.  Why does he always do that?  I asked him what I’m supposed to think of him and he wouldn’t tell me.  I said I didn’t want to assume the wrong thing because I would be embarrassed so why doesn’t he tell me what to assume.  He has he’d be embarrassed to tell me.  We aren’t getting anywhere fast are we?  So then I asked him if he would like it if I assumed what I would like to assume.  (He knows what that is ’cause he knows I like him.)  He said right not he’s in between liking it and disliking it.  What the fuck is that supposed to mean?  So I asked him when he’ll know.  “I don’t know, a couple of days, a week, two weeks.”  So then I asked him to explain why he doesn’t now know.  HE was tired and didn’t want to go into it last night ’cause it would take too long.  So when will he explain it to me?  Talk about some quick subject changing.  I asked him why he’s so loathe to explain it to me. “‘Cause sometimes I’m shy.”  I’m so frustrated!  I even told him that I would like to

My nose is all red from blowing it too much.  I’m afraid to put makeup on cause when I blow my know it will rub the makeup off around my nose – which I would have a lot of makeup on anyway ’cause my nose is so red.  I’m miserable.  I can’t find a good book to read.  I don’t have enough money in my checking account.  I can’t go to the gym.  I’m fat.  I’m burnt.  My bread is going to turn out really fucked.  I want to figure Henry out.  I still haven’t gotten my NaNa shoes.  It seems to have been a long time.  I’m coughing a lot.  Why do people keep parking in my space?  I want a car.  I have a bunch of bills to pay and I don’t have any money.  My nose is stuffed so it’s kind of swollen so it looks even bigger than usual.  I wrote Julie a letter.  I sort of called her a flake for saying she would send me a Christmas card but didn’t.

I was just thinking about what I’m gonna do when I go up for [Step-Sister]‘s graduation.  Erica  will probably want to see me.  I wand to be able to tell her I have a boyfriend.  That would be a shock and surprise to her  And I don’t want to have sex with her, dammit.  Especially if Henry and I are together and going at it regularly.  We had better be is all I can say.  I have been more than patient thus far.  I’ll try not to suffocate him.  Will he even care if I go see Erica?  Why do I always jump so far ahead of myself?  He’s still in between.  He’ll probably veer off the wrong way.  Shit.  I don’t like not knowing.  It’s very irritating.  New Depeche Mode isn’t as good.  I’m tired of coughing up phlegm.  I love that word.  It sounds like flem but it’s spelled phlegm.  Wonderful.