later

My bread is baking.  My house is hot.  My phone is not ringing.  I am badly sunburnt.  My landlord is playing with the sprinklers.  the guy in Apartment A and his girlfriend broke up – no wonder he was hitting on me.  I’m sitting on my front porch, attempting to stay cool while listening to music, watching my bread, and listening for the phone to ring – it’s not.  Henry should be done by now he should be over here professing his love for me.  Actually, I just need my jacket really badly.  I only work seven hours tomorrow.  I need to get another job.  Soon.  Now.  I am very red.  What a good little landlord I have.  I guess it’s not that late.  He’s come over later than this before.  But he should’ve called by now.  I want a car.  I have too much nervous energy.  My phone is not ringing.  I’m tired of ants crawling on me.  My bread hasn’t risen enough.  I want to talk to someone.  But my phone isn’t ringing.

8:33 PM.  I think.

I’m sick.  I’m hot.  No one wants to talk to me.  I keep getting the chills.  My bread isn’t rising.  Henry’s not home.  Henry’s not here.  I think my pen is runnign out of ink.  I still keep hoping that he’ll drive up to surprise me.  Every single damn car I hear.  [Step-Sister] isn’t home so I had to talk to Dad.  I still have shorts from sixth and eighth grades.  Erica hasn’t called me.  I don’t have any stamps.  Maury got a car.  Coleen is over at Beth’s.  I need more friends.  Laura’s not even home.  I’m almost out of pot.  My nose is stuffed up.  I don’t want to be eighteen.  Why does life have to be so difficult?  How com all he music I have is shitty?  Will I ever have any money?  Will I ever have a tight butt?  Will Henry ever get his ass in gear?  Does he even care?  Should I have struck up a conversation with his mom?  Would she have thought I was kissing ass?  Why isn’t he here?  Why do I have to go through all this crapola?  Why didn’t I go to my prom?  Why do I even care?  Where can I get another job?  I want to go to school.  But I don’t know what I want to do when and if I grow up.  Shit!  Life is so stupid.  Boys are dumb creatures.  All my music sucks.  My bread hasn’t moved.  Why to I hang round my house waiting?  Cause I’m a geek?  Yeah, that must be it.  What if I never find anyone who can put up with m?  Shit, I don’t want to be alone forever.  Can I cry?  This is too depressing, irritating, frustrating.

At least my bread tastes alright.  Not terrific but alright.  EVERYTHING SUCKS!  I HATE EVERYONE!  I’M TIRED OF BEING ALONE.  WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO DAMNED ALONE?