I was just thnking about what I was doing a year ago. Sinéad O’Connor made me do it “Where did I go wrong?” I was going through some serious shit with mysef and my parents and especially Erica. I don’t want to remember how much it hurt. I don’t want ot ever be in a situation where I let myself get out of control. It’s my life and I decide what goes on in it. Thank God time fades memories so that the only thing left is actual evens and a faint glimmer of what it was actually like.

Now I’m doing everything for myself.  I feel much better thought I’m sort of at a standstill it seems.  Of course I’m on the verge of another all-consuming relationship.  But he’s the type who wouldn’t ask, expect or even want ALL of me.  I think he’ll do me good.  My jealous streak will be to no avail.  He is is own person and wouldn’t succumb, or rather give himself up, to me.  He won’t want to spend every waking moment with me and because from the beginning that will be establisehd, he won’t get tired of me and I won’t think later on that he cares for me any less because he “needs his space.”  The space will always be there for him, and me, so I can continue with myself without relinquishing the control on myself and my life.

Wonder if he’d be very affectionate.  I’ll just have to tell him, or show him, that that is a must.

I want to see his writing for some reason.  And his baby pictures.  And to have sex with him on the floor of the practice room with loud punk-type music playing.  Wonder if he has any idea at all how much I think about him.  Maybe if I think about him this much, he thinks about me at least half, ok, a quarter of the time.  That would be nice.  He has a very nice profile – cute little nose and an adorable pouty lip. I want to kiss his lips very badly.