Every time I go to San Francisco  City Clinic I pick up a fun variety of condoms.  I like the sexy possibility of having this many condoms.

The clinician didn’t want to test me, which I find hilarious.  The clinic bases its testing on statistics that indicate a woman of my age is not high risk for contracting sexually transmissible infections.  I asked that they treat me like a young bisexual man.  The clinician said she couldn’t do that.  Ok, but I certainly have more sex than the average 36-year-old woman who contributes to the stats.  I’m at the far left of the bell curve, dammit.

What allowed the clinician to test me was that I said that I have sex with men who may be bisexual.  What did not do it was telling her that I have had oral, vaginal, and anal sex sans condoms.  I find that rather odd.  Apparently bisexual men are still the bad guys of fucking.  But not bisexual women.

I didn’t bother asking – because I don’t think she would have done it – for my ass and throat to be cultured as well.  Besides, if I’ve got anything it’s in my pussy or in my blood, and those were covered.

When I was getting my blood taken there was this very young, very scared guy getting his blood taken.  From the sounds of it – and I did try not to listen but the quarters were very close – he felt like he was going to die, had been exposed to HIV, and could not possibly wait the required two weeks for the other blood test results (syphilis and herpes).  He made me sad so I got out of there as quickly as possible.  I didn’t want to get a good look at his face to really assess his age, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was under 18.

I’m glad the clinic is there to serve patients like him, who really need their services, and people like me, even if they claim I don’t need their services at all.

I swear.  True story.