so it looked like (forgive me please) he was fucking that guitar like there was no tomorrow. I was very turned on and not because I was stoned ’cause I wasn’t.

I have cookies in the oven – they’re for Laura so she’ll bring me toilet paper.

After they played, Beth went right up to Maury to hug him so I went right to Henry – but I didn’t hug him. I asked if he wanted his jacket back but he didn’t. I asked if he had fun and he said he was kind of bored and did he look it. I told him I liked the way he looked. I figure I’ll tell him how sexy he is later in our relationship. I don’t want to totally freak him out. Or maybe I should be direct – he did say he liked that. Well, we’ll see what happens. While the next band was playing we all had to wait around cause they were using our guys’ equipment (not their personal equipment though). We sat around the tail of Henry’s truck and got stoned and talked. Bill was still hyped after singing so he was loud and funny and of course I laughed loud and gross. I don’t like it when I’m loud, that’s why I cover my mouth and try to stifle my laugh. I also don’t look too hot when I laugh cause I smile too big or my mouth opens. Henry was saying how cold he was but he still didn’t want his jacket back. So finally he asked if I wanted to “sit in the truck and listen to music.” Hell yes. We were in there talking and stuff. People kept coming up to the window to talk to him so we didn’t really get to the point where I scooted a little bit closer and kissed him. But oh well. Then, when everyone was ready to go, Beth tried to say she couldn’t give me a ride home so Henry would’ve had to. But I didn’t want to impose and he didn’t offer and he was burned out. So we went home. Not even a good bye kiss or anything. Oh well, next time for sure. And I believe he was thinking about kissing me ’cause he asked me if my mouth “tasted like shit” (from the pot) and in the truck he kept saying how dry his mouth was. We each had a Lifesaver which did help the ol’ cottonmouth problem but that’s when he started having everyone ask him lame questions. Then when he finally had to go help load the stuff back into his truck he kept looking at me as he was getting out and with a cute look on his face. Oh and he kept bending over – first time in his back room right in the front of me – to expose his cute little butt. He had on faded jeans with holes in them (not, as I had at first suspected, strategically placed by him) with black spandex tight-type things underneath and a black button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. And the only reason he had his shirt unbuttoned enough for me to see his chest was ’cause he was hot from the coke. Or did I already put that? I wish my memory wasn’t so bad. Too much pot’ll do it to ya. This all started when I said he bent over – he had a cute LITTLE butt and nice skinny legs. But not skinny bad ’cause they are very cute in shorts, skinny good – they look good n pants and all the time.  While he was playing I started thinking about running my hands up and down his legs and sliping my hand into one of the holes that was on the back of his upper-right thigh.

I like the smell of wet cement.  Then we were driving home, I was really stoned and I was thinking about being in Henry’s truck with him and giving him head while he’s driving.  Only thing is, I was thinking about it in extreme detail.  Wow, I’m amazed even at myself.

For a while I didn’t like, or didn’t think I liked guys but I like Henry and he’s a guy so I must like guys.  The thought of him driving that big truck and being all powerful really turns me on.  I like masculinity.  But I still like girls cause I look and want to touch them.  Maybe it’s just the person I like male or female.

I think I’m gonna steal a big flood light from work to put in my brown lamp on the floor so it will be realy bright in here.

I mean whomever I happen to like, be it male or female, I find things attractive, sexy and appealing about them.  I was saying this to Laura and she said, “Suzanne, you’re bisexual.”  Just like that, matter-of-factly, and everything.  Why can’t I just be normal though?  Oh well, it’ll never happen.  D.J. told me when I was 14, I think, that I would always live an alternate lifestyle, be it with a male or female or by myself.

My hair falls out a lot – there’s hair all over my damn house – room.

Now that I have the time and energy (sort of) to make stuffed shells, I should.  But I don’t feel like it.

Wonder who’s gonna get impatient first?  He wanted to kiss me last night but didn’t.  I want him to kiss me.  I don’t want to make the first moves.  For some reason, with boys, I always have to be the first.  Does something about me scare on intimidate them?  So I act nervous, that’s normal, isn’t it?  One time when I was sitting on the hood of Beth’s car and he was leaning up against the side right next to me, he turned his head and I noticed out of the corner of my eye so I turned and asked, “What?!” like I always do.  He was all, “I didn’t say anything.”  Maybe he was going to kiss me – maybe not.  Who knows but he and he’ll never tell.