After a delightful French-themed dinner I had a  delightful (French-themed?) threesome. I really do enjoy threesomes. Of course the quality of partners is very important.

Then today I went to the first day of the Winter Fancy Food Show. First I stopped at the store to buy more cough syrup. I still have this horrible cough.

During the course of the day my cough continued, and I continued to treat it with cough syrup. I’m getting really tired of the taste of cough syrup. However, since I was at the Fancy Food Show I was able to quickly mask the cough syrup taste with some tasty morsels.

I actually got tired of chocolate, and foie gras, and pâté, and cheese, but I kept on eating. I kept on taking samples, too. I took a lot of samples of things that I don’t particularly like but that I knew my roommates would like because we recently agreed to keep our food separate. I can be petty as shit.

At one point during the day I got dizzy and had to leave the convention hall to sit down to get some air.  It was when I was sitting on the floor catching my breath that I saw some interesting-looking people.  Some very fat people.  Some people dressed poorly.  Some of the fat people were dressed in such a way that their fat was highlighted and made to look odd.

I felt a little better and continued on my journey of eating and taking samples.  It was quite a day.  Eventually I lost most of my hearing in my right ear.  Clearly I’m not getting better, but quite a bit sicker.

Then I got a text message from the Ex asking for the password to my computer.  It is my computer and I don’t want him or his girlfriend using it when I’m not home.  Like I said, I can be petty as shit.

The reason he wanted to use the computer?  To look something up because his girlfriend is pregnant and he was “freaking out.”  Rightfully so.  I explained to him that that is what happens when birth control isn’t used – pregnancy.  He claimed they sometimes used condoms.  It only takes one, moron.

After I got home and dumped out my take from the Fancy Food Show on the kitchen counter the girlfriend was very interested and threw out that it wasn’t her idea that we keep our food separate.  That’s fine, but I have no problem with keeping our food separate as I am currently the one with the “better” food.  She then said that I had to be nice to her because she is pregnant.  To which I responded that I did not get her pregnant and that I know how to use birth control so no, I do not have to be nice to her.

She was incredulous.  Did I mean to be that bitchy?  Absolutely.  It’s pretty fucking easy not to get pregnant.  She informed me that she obviously was not trying not to get pregnant.

I did not say, because it really isn’t worth my breath, was that it was pretty shitty of her not to tell her boyfriend – her underemployed, broke boyfriend – that she was trying to get pregnant.  That she’s a fucking moron if she thinks a child is going to change him or make him grow up in any way.  That she is sad and pathetic to trick a guy into fathering her child because her lame-ass biological clock is ticking.

She liked the Fancy Food Show booty quite a bit.  She wanted some.  She asked nicely.  I told her it was all for sale.  She took a few things and she gave me $2.  I can be very petty indeed.

I swear.  True story.