This is not my story, but the story of Whiskey Dick, who told me a much better version live and in person over two years ago. The following is what I can remember of his very animated and colorful story.

Whiskey Dick was married when he and I were seeing each other.  I was married, too, so it was not an issue.  He and his wife, though living apart, had no plans to divorce, as she needed to be married in order to stay in the United States legally.  She was Russian.  They got along fine, and even socialized together on occasion.

One such occasion was his wife’s birthday.  She had rented one of those “limo” vans that was taking the party around to various bars around town.  At one of the bars Whiskey Dick met what he described as a very hot woman who also happened to be Russian.  He invited her to join the party.  And then he invited her to his home.

The day after the party they spent in bed in turns fucking and sleeping off their hangovers.  She told him she had a party to go to that night and asked if he wanted to join her.  The fucking was good, and the Russian Chick was hot so he agreed to go.

It wasn’t until they were on the way to the party that she said that the party was very private.  A very private sex party.  He was game.  The party was somewhere on 3rd St in the Dogpatch area (I think).

Whiskey Dick swore to me that he had never seen so many gorgeous women in one place in his life.  They were in various states of undress all over the large warehouse where the party took place.  Whiskey Dick’s date appeared to be quite popular with the crowd, as many greeted her with full open-mouthed kisses.

Whiskey Dick was in awe, but he tried not to show it.  He and his date made their way upstairs where the action was taking place.  There were bodies writhing everywhere.  Whiskey Dick and his date joined in.  They did not leave until the wee hours.

They went back to Whiskey Dick’s place, where they again spent the next day sleeping when they weren’t fucking.  Then the Russian Chick told Whiskey Dick she had a date that night.  That was fine with him as they had spent two days together and he had things to do.

Only she didn’t have her own phone and kept having to borrow Whiskey Dick’s.  He was getting a little annoyed.  After several phone calls she got ready for her date.  Her date picked her up at Whiskey Dick’s house in a very fancy car.  At the time Whiskey Dick lived around the corner from me, in the Mission, a neighborhood not known for its fancy cars.

Whiskey Dick thought that was it, that he had some fun fucking and partying with the Russian Chick but that they’d likely never see each other again.

Only the next day she showed up at Whiskey Dick’s house.  She seemed to think they were now some kind of item.  He told her that she could not stay with him.  She became irrational and abusive.  He left his own house, thinking that she’d not be there when he returned.

No such luck.  She was there, only no longer staking claim to Whiskey Dick’s room.  She had moved on, to his roommate.  His roommate that he could only describe as ugly.  She traipsed around the house barely dressed and hanging on the roommate, who along with being ugly also had himself a nasty little meth habit.

That’s when Whiskey Dick realized that the Russian Chick was nuts, the situation with his roommate had become untenable, and that he had to move.  He packed up his few possessions and moved in with his brother, sharing a room with him.

I swear.  True (hearsay) story.