I’m very stoned and I can’t see the lines cause I only have the red light on.  I had to set the proper mood.  Thought what if Henry doesn’t like sex and he was only talking the way he was so he didn’t sound abnormal.  I still haven’t taken a shower cause I didn’t want to call Henry too late.  He said his first was his girlfriend who wanted to more than he did – she had raging hormones.  Just had a thought – Henry’s already been through his prime unless its 18-22 anyway, I wonder if he was a slut.  No not him.  Even now that I know he’s not so innocent I still couldn’t see him as a slut.

Had a dream last night that Maury came over only he had long, light brown, wavy, feathered, parted in the middle hair.  He started kissing me and I kept telling him to stop.  He told me to try to but I couldn’t cause I was too damn stoned.  So he asked me if I was drunk and I had to tell him I was so high I couldn’t move.  I don’t remember the rest but I just hope we didn’t do what wold have come next naturally.  I don’t want that to be in my subconscious even thought I have thought about it before.  But the one time he made an obvious advance towards me, I refused him.  Thank god.  He may be good as Beth says but I don’t want any v.d.s or AIDS.  No thank you not this time.  I don’t want to be sick all the time.  Why does DJ always write such neat stuff when she’s stoned I just write crap go on about my life I write like my mom I suppose cause I’ve seen some of her journal stuff Just prose crap about what’s going on in her life.  But DJ writes neat stuff it’s not fair my writing looks like a cross between my two parents I guess it makes sense.  But why can’t I be skinny like my dad’s side of the family at least they don’t get fat the same way the [Smith's] do.  This must be a crappy pen cause otherwise it wouldn’t make glop marks the blue on does too they must not test them like Fran used to have to do at a pen factory wow that’s neat.  Talked to my father today had to get the bran muffin recipe sos I can make some now that I have the bran cereal that I’ll neer eat any other way.  In milk yuck.  My hand hurts and I feel like eating but I shouldn’t.  I buried lots and lots of calories tonight – about 460 that’s very good I think I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do I didn’t lift at all today cause it was busy and also cause I forgot my towel so I couldn’t wipe any sweat off the equipment when I was done and I think it’s gross when other people do it Do Unto Others.  All this exercise must be doing some good.  Muscle takes more calories to maintain than fat neat huh?  I want a tight butt – but most of all smooth thighs so I don’t have to be embarrassed to wear a bathing suit.  I’m going to get a a J. Crew suit and design it myself – a two-piecer.  Wow.  My legs are already sore so they’re going to be really bad tomorrow.  I should be stretching more so I don’t get all tight.  Why isn’t it good to have tight muscles oh well, I just shouldn’t.  I dropped a lot of hints and he must know but he was “stupid” (according to DJ) so maybe he doesn’t.  But he said he’d rather people be blunt and just come out and said stuff.  But I just couldn’t what if he doesn’t feel the same way I’d feel like such a total geek.  But he must – Beth has me convinced sort of

Tags: Diary, fantasy, idiot, phone sex

Categories: Diary

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