Well, now it’s 6:07 pm. It took me a while to get writing. Henry is very cute. I told him that he’s not shy and he just sort of said oh. And I told him his arms looked strong and he sort of giggled. I told him that it’s funny when he does that. It’s because I can tell he’s sort of blushing. I told him how many push-ups I do every day and sit-ups too. Perhaps he was impressed, I don’t know. If Laura heard me she’d tell me I sounded too tough. Of course she’s not Henry, is she? As DJ puts it, he must like what he sees, knows now, right? sometimes I’m totally sure he likes me by the things he says and does but then they could be average things that I’m just making a big deal out of. Oh jeez, he probably just likes me like one of his buddies. Can I go cry now? But then I don’t think so ’cause of the way he looks at me. But maybe he does that to everyone. But I don’t think so ’cause I don’t think guys make it a practise, practice making eye contact with each other. But then I could be wrong. What if he gets tired of me? I am the type ot suffocate someone. Shit, what now? Maybe none of this is going to work out. Maybe I’m too far ahead of myself. Maybe we’ll just be fucking friends with no commitment. Maybe he hates me. Maybe he’s never had a real steady girlfriend ’cause that’s the way he likes it. Maybe he thinks girls just drag him down. Maybe he thinks they’re only good to have sex with. Maybe he only gets friendly with girls when he’s horny. But he’s so sweet. Shit, who knows? I wish I did. I can think to the time when I know him totally well and talk about him to Beth and Laura like, “No, he’s busy tonight but we’re going out tomorrow night.” Doesn’t that just sound sweet? Of course it does. To have a normal relationship that I don’t have to keep secret. I want to be able to talk about him to everyone. Like, “Don’t you have a boyfriend?” Yes I do. I just want to say that once. Why do I want to try so hard to be “normal”? I think I deserve a little bit. I’m sure I’ll find some way to “denormalize” it – if “it” ever happens. Which I am almost kind of sure will – I hope.

I want him to get all loosened up late at night. But he doesn’t and he always has “to get going.”

Tags: Diary, sexy?

Categories: Posts

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