One would think these are obvious, but I don’t know how many times I was having a shitty time but the guy thought the sex was good.  The sex is shitty to me if any of the following happen:

• Lack of sound.  When I’m enjoying myself I can’t help but be vocal.  Very vocal.  If I’m in that perfect place where I’m no longer self-conscious and completely into being a sex object there is no way I can be quiet.  It starts when I first kiss someone; I moan under my breath.  This can be done whilst kissing.  Eventually I yell out directions – usually of the “Harder!” variety – and when I come I do not give a shit who can hear me.  If a guy needs me to be quiet he should gag me.  If I’m quiet without a pillow over my face or a hand over my mouth that’s because I’m bored.  Being bored in bed is no fun.

• Lack of movement.  Unless I’m severely restrained I move a lot during the fucking.  When I’m underneath my legs are wrapped around.  When getting it from behind I’m pushing back to get that cock deeper into me.  If I’m just laying there it’s because I’m bored.  Being bored in bed is no fun.

• Blank face.  Of course if I’m not being vocal my face isn’t moving that much.  But even when silent my face will have some expression – if I’m having a good time.  If I’m having an especially nice time I’ll have a big, dumb grin on my face.  I’ve been known to have a wide-eyed “surprised” expression if something feels really good (which can mean it hurts a lot).  If I have a blank look on my face it’s because I’m bored.  Being bored in bed is no fun.

Sadly, there have been many times when I was a dead fuck – indicating I was not having a good time – but the guy didn’t have a damn clue.  I’m getting way too old to put up with being bored in bed.  The last time I was a dead fuck (that I know of) I finally just told the guy to stop.  He wanted to continue of course, but I was done and didn’t have the energy to fake any sort of enthusiasm.

I swear.  True story.

Tags: manners, sexy?

Categories: True Story.

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