[Same day as "3/14/90:  A Diary Entry."]

1:30 pm

touching her.  So I don’t know what she thought but I got her phone number before she left so I think I’ll call her some time soon.  [I'm in 5th period listening to Mrs. Thoma talk about what juniors should be doing this year to prepare for next year at O.R.H.S.  I should've skipped class with Erica because I'm really bored.]

I really don’t know what’s going on with her.  She told me and now Amy too that she loves me more than Juree.  Yesterday I went to the dark room during sixth period and Erica and I ended up kissing.  She got to be really intense and I stopped, I had to push her away.  I asked why she was doing that.  She said she didn’t know why.

10:02 pm

Well, went to the dark room again and Erica was saying how much she liked the smell of Fahrenheit now because of me.  She said she was doing it because I’m cute and fun to be with so I asked why Amy wasn’t in there ’cause she’s cute and fun to be with too.  She said she was already in there Monday or Tuesday.  Oooh, took a long time for her to get over me, yeah.  So then I asked if she loved me so much then why did she break up with me – so she could screw around with whomever she wants and I can’t do anything about it.  She said it was different now and I told her it wasn’t – but it has been – it’s a lot more relaxed.  She just wants to be able to fuck around and as Jason B puts it – “No shop, no bop.”  Erica said Amy decided that they’d be better friends if they had sex.  Does Amy like being used?  She must because she keeps doing it.  I told her what Juree had said about her not being attractive anymore and how Erica agreed with her.  But I bet all Erica had to do was look cute and assure Amy that that just wasn’t true and maybe kiss her or something.  Erica has said how sex isn’t much to her but that’s all she seems to do.  I don’t think I’ve said yet that Erica, on Friday night, when I walked over to Shannon’s in less than an hour, finally let me do her.  It was my first time so I kept having to ask if I was doing all right.  It feels to great – it’s wet, soft, and warm.  Then I ate her out.  She told me how I probably wouldn’t like it and it’s nauseating.  So I did it anyway.  I loved it.  If my jaw and tongue never got tired I’d do it for a living.  She tasted sweet and it smelled good – it was great.  She was enjoying herself too, which got me off even more.  I kept nuzzling her.  I’d start at my nose and move my face up til my chin ended up in her opening.  I knew my nose would be good for something some day.  Anyway, I loved it and did it again later.  She told me today that I’m very good in bed and she enjoyed herself quite a bit.  That’s good.  She said she’d scourge herself and feel guilty and dirty but I hope not.  She’s been wearing long sleeves so I can’t tell if she’s cut up her arms.  Yesterday I told her I loved her but I don’t know if I do.  I think she was just a routine that I had trouble changing.  I told her that too.  She said if she had to have a reason, then so did I.  So I told her.  She seemed kind of disappointed to find that was a habit.  And one I seemed to want to break.  I told her Ii already broke the habit, I was just trying ti again to be sure I could do without it.  Amy’s downfall is sex – that seems to be all she wants.  Oh well – I do too but I think I can do without it.  I want to start dating guys – I’ve never really dated and I want to before school gets out.  I called Lisa today.  Her aunt had a baby boy and she was really about about that because he’s the first boy in the family.  She said she has some friends in Sacramento who just got married.  [Oh Erica said with anyone she felt incomplete and without companionship, anyone but Juree.  I told (not today but have told) her I would do anything for her but oh well I wasn't a good enough companion.]  Anyway, she said she visits them and just ends up hanging out.  I told her there’s dance clubs and stuff.  She had to go but she did get my phone number again and said she call in about a week to see when she’s gonna come visit me.  And I talked about my ex and said she a lot – so she must know and not care.  But then I was hanging all over her Tuesday and she didn’t seem to care then either.  I can only wish she’s interested in me too.  She said she was gonna come see me.  Yea!  And I found this one on my own – no one had to point her out, already be with her or anything like that, I found her all on my own.  I should be outgoing like I was in San Jose more often because people just love it and I want to have “it.”