Random Rim Jobs
I swear. True story.An Ass by Any Other Name: An Experiment in Reader Participation
Posted on July 18, 2009
Time for another contest, kids. And this coordinates nicely with the Everything Butt Logo Look-Alike Contest on Kink.com.
Just like my last contest, I would like y’all to comment with euphemistic names for naughty bits. This time I want your favorite words/phrases for the ass and asshole and–very important–WHY you like that particular word/phrase. I want to know how your nasty little minds work.
The Random Rim Jobs Ass By Any Other Name contest will be open until Friday, July 31, 2009. Multiple entries are welcome. I will make my final decision by Friday, August 7, 2009. The winner gets the glory of a pretty post with his/her filthy words highlighted, and a dirty picture of me. The winner will be determined solely by me, for reasons I may or may not disclose.
For the Everything Butt contest, go to http://bit.ly/tYKOr to vote for the photograph that most closely resembles the Everything Butt logo. I think mine (No. 6) looks the closest, but I am a tad biased. The rules for voting, etc., are provided there.
The Pill (Part 1)
Posted on July 17, 2009I have been on the Pill for about 20 years.
Well before I went on the Pill I learned about sex, pregnancy, and birth control. I lived with my mother until I was 11. I do not remember ever not knowing about sex and reproduction. My mother told me from a very young age how babies were made. She also made it clear to me that if I ever got pregnant she would take me to get an abortion.
It was the 1980s when I began to understand what abortion was because Ronald Reagan was president and he appointed what he thought were anti-choice Supreme Court Justices. I began talking back to my mother, “What if abortions are illegal?” She responded that Canada wasn’t far away.
Though my mother was born in California and had lived in the state most of her life, she apparently didn’t know at the time that the president she so hated, Ronald Reagan, had, when he was governor of California, signed into law a state constitutional guarantee that abortions would “always” be legal in California.
Nonetheless, it was made clear to me that unplanned pregnancy was not a good thing, and that neither teen pregnancy nor abortions were pleasant. I recall watching a PBS documentary about abortion that illustrated how difficult is the decision to have an abortion or not. Pregnant was not something I wanted to be without the opportunity to fully plan it out.
When my sister was around sixteen she became sexually active. I know this because it was news within the household. By this time I lived with my sister, step-sister, step-brother, step-mother, and father. My step-mother was most definitely in charge of all of us. She took my sister to a clinic and got her supplied with various birth control methods.
My sister began using a diaphragm and had plenty of condoms, which she kept in her panty drawer. My step-sister and I, who are the same age, four years younger than my sister, more than once raided my sister’s drawer, and grabbed some condoms. We sometimes blew them up into balloons. One time we showed them to the very dorky guy who lived on our block who gave my sister rides to school every morning. It was hilarious. Or at least we thought so at the time; my step-sister and I laughed like goofy pre-teens and the neighbor was embarrassed as hell.
When my step-sister and I were fourteen she became sexually active. I became counselor to a dumb sexually active teen. She was too afraid to utter the word, “pregnant.” Instead, she asked me numerous times, “Do you think I am?” and “What if I am?” and “What will I do if I am?”
To which I was supposed to respond, “No, of course not,” “You’re not,” and “You don’t have to think about that, because you’re not,” respectively. All this worry because my step-sister couldn’t be bothered to use condoms.
And neither could I when I lost my virginity two years later. I was worried that I could be pregnant for a very short time, but it was long enough. Not something I wanted to repeat.
When I was seventeen I began chasing a boy, Henry, whom I wanted to make my boyfriend. Before we even kissed, I took myself to Planned Parenthood in Pasadena and went on the Pill. By this time I lived by myself and nowhere near my parents, from whom I had not been emancipated. No matter–the great thing about preventing pregnancy in California (and all other enlightened states) is that a child doesn’t need her parent’s consent.
Planned Parenthood didn’t just hand 17-year-old me a pack of birth control pills and send me on my way. Despite my vast experience with condom inflation and awareness of what a diaphragm was, I was counseled on all the various ways I could both have sex and not conceive. I settled on the Pill for its ease of use, and because I naively thought Henry and I would be monogamous. (Keep in mind that this guy had no clue of my plans to “make” him have a relationship with me).
I took lots of pamphlets home and devoured them. I knew all I could (pre-internet, of course) about sexually transmitted diseases (now dubbed the more PC “sexually transmitted infections”–not so much stigma with an infection as with a disease) and all forms of birth control. I’d heard too many condom-breakage stories to settle for just condoms, and the barrier methods available to women at the time, the cervical cap, IUD. At the time IUDs were only available to women who had had at least one pregnancy.
When I first went on the Pill there were some adjustments that had to be made. Each brand and type of Pill has different levels of hormones. At the time Planned Parenthood started all first-timers on the same type of Pill and then sent us home with a list of potential side effects. Should any of the severe ones occur, we were to return to Planned Parenthood, where our Pill choice would be reevaluated.
The first Pill I went on gave me horrible headaches. After changing to the next option on the list of Pill types provided by Planned Parenthood, I was fine. Since then I’ve changed the kind of pill I was on for various reasons–because I was anemic, to clear up my skin, to regulate my periods, etc.–but never for ill effects.
More to come ….
I swear. True Story.
1/4/90: A Diary Entry
Posted on July 16, 20092:40 pm
Amy read yesterday’s diary entry today, so obviously she was at school today. She rushed me down to lunch to avoid Erica. Erica shaved her head. She had already cut her bangs so now it looks sort of funny. Well, not funny just like eyes and then a bumpy head. It’ll just take some time to get used to. Spent lunch with Amy talking, etc. She said that Juree and she have talked and Juree really likes her and she’s going to have to take her word for it. This all seems so funny because at the beginning of this thing, Juree was sort of mad at Amy because she liked Erica. So finally Juree convinced Amy that she didn’t hate her and who knows when that all started. In a way Erica got Juree and Amy together, in a very big way. God, we need to talk because it just makes me really frustrated that people who obviously get along, help each other, whatever, need to stay together and not lose each other because it’s so hard to find good people in life. But perhaps it was all sexual. But no, I’m going to do something. I have an instinct to pull out now. Never talk to anyone again, stay away, not get any more involved than I already have. But I also want to help other people. Both Erica and Juree are using the same
The Ice Cream Shop: A Fantasy (pt 3) (via utcm)
Posted on July 15, 2009Continued from “The Ice Cream Shop: A Fantasy (pt 2) (via utcm).”
I took a moment to watch the ice cream melt and run down around my shaft, mixing with the strawberry folds of pussy stretched around me. The skin of her ass was covered in goosebumps and I got a sudden urge to slap that smooth curve.
The smack was loud in the small shop, and was punctuated by a half yelp, half gasp. I looked over at the source and found the girl, who’d been in front of me in line, with her hand down the front of her pants, openly staring at me.
I must have looked shocked because she quickly removed her hand and turned in her chair. Can you blame me, though? It’s not every day you see such an open and public display of sexuality.
I tried to cover my shock by returning to my ice cream. It was now a shapeless lump, trickling down over the counter girl’s ass. I’d managed to ease myself all the way inside her pussy, so I slid slowly back out. The mix of ice cream, chocolate syrup, and the girl’s wetness coated my cock in gray-streaked cream.
“May I have some?” It was the girl.
“I’m sorry?”
“May I have some of your ice cream?” she asked again, looking down at my crotch. I suddenly felt exposed, so I pushed myself back into the warmth of the pussy on my table.
“Uh… I… uh…” But before my mind could string together a coherent though, the girl was on her knees, pushing me back with a hand on the peak of my hipbone. I struggled, not wanting her to see my penis, but my brain was more frozen than the ice cream.
The sound of my wet dick sliding out of the counter girl’s cunt was audible through the whole shop. I felt incredibly self-conscious, now standing there with my penis erect, covered in vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup. Before I could make any attempt to hide, however, the girl kneeling before me slipped her tongue out between her lips and drew it along the length of my shaft.
I stood mesmerized for what felt like an hour until finally, with a flick of her tongue, she savored the ice cream she’d gathered on the tip. “Name’s Molly,” she said with a flushed grin.
I couldn’t help it. My cock throbbed with sudden arousal and desire. If she could incite that much lust with just one stroke of her tongue….
Molly looked up at me through her long, thick eyelashes; I could see the shyness in her eyes, but there was burning passion, too. When she finally swallowed that first lick, she slid her hands up my thighs and framed my engorged genitals between her hands. Only her thumbs touched the back of my ball sack; it caused ripples of pleasure I’ve never felt before. With her eyes still looking up at me, Molly kissed the tip of my penis with full, soft lips. I watched as the head seemed to sink into her kiss, cradled so carefully, with the promise of so much more.
I very nearly came from that single touch.
Molly licked her lips again and her hand slid up to lift my straining cock and hold it against my stomach. A heartbeat later I felt her tongue on my balls, licking a wayward drip of ice cream before it could fall. But instead of returning to my coated shaft, she abruptly sucked the testicle into her mouth.
“Fuck!” I shouted, much to the chagrin of the other two customers. But I didn’t care. Molly’s small hand, lubricated by the ice cream and syrup, pumped my shaft while she released my ball so she could suck on the other. It was almost painful the way she pulled and tugged, but before I could protest, she popped it out and stood.
With a bright smile on her face that may have been innocent and endearing in another situation, she guided me back to the girl still bent over the table.
“Turn over,” Molly said as she spanked the ice-cream-covered ass and called to the clerk, “two more scoops!” She stood stroking my cock along the other girl’s slit once she’d settled onto her back.
Seventeen
Under the Crimson Moon
http://www.underthecrimsonmoon.com
Correctional Officer, Part 4
Posted on July 14, 2009[Continued from "Correctional Officer, Part 3." This "story" has taken me much longer to write than I thought. I didn't realize how much I didn't want to rehash this stuff in my mind. But I'm doing it because ultimately it'll help me process. (Wow, am I a douche.) So please be patient with me when the various parts are posted so far apart.]
It was about this time that my husband began acting very oddly. We had been married for over seven years at the time. I had cheated on him right after we got married, but as far as he was concerned I had been faithful since. (I had not.) It had never been an issue that I had male friends. Until CO.
I’d had male friends that the Ex liked. Guys who were my friends had become very close with him, after I introduced them. Two of the Ex’s best friends were guys that had been my friends first. At the time we had a big circle of people with whom we hung out, mostly other couples, and there was definitely some friendly flirting amongst the crowd. There were women who obviously had crushes on the Ex, as well as guys who seemed enamored of me (I never fucked any of them.) so I didn’t think it was anything new when I befriended CO and T.
I told the Ex all about CO and T. Maybe I was a bit too effusive, but I was excited to meet new and interesting people. Maybe the Ex would have felt more comfortable if he had had a chance to meet them. No matter, the Ex began telling me I shouldn’t talk to them on the phone so much. What?
I don’t like being told what to do, and especially when I know I’m not doing anything wrong. I assured the Ex that these guys were dorks who lived in a place to which I would never again go. Never before had the Ex acted so strangely and jealous. There was no reason to be jealous. I assured him, a lot. But I was not about to stop being friends with someone because my husband couldn’t handle it.
In the mean time the Ex continued to go out on most weekends without me. I had no problem with that. Usually when he went out I stayed in and talked on the phone with CO and T. Or watched tv. The Ex claimed he needed to go out, that he needed to be social. I felt guilty leaving our geriatric dog (not Isis, Otter, RIP) home alone and knew we’d save a lot of money if only one of us went out. I was fine staying home, because that was time I could be alone, which I require as much as the Ex requires to be social.
When the Ex went out I assumed he flirted. I had no problem with it, and didn’t see why he was having trouble with me staying home, alone, and talking on the phone. It didn’t make any damn sense.
We had (I thought) an understanding that our privacy should be respected. We had separate sign-ins on the single computer we shared. We had separate email addresses with our own passwords. One night I came home and saw that he had left the window open on what appeared to be some Internet flirting. I did not care; I think it’s appropriate to have some flirtatious outlets even in a monogamous relationship. He had fallen asleep and I jokingly asked him what his password was. He was so sleepy he was about to tell me, but I stopped him. That part of his life was his and I had no interest in invading it. I closed the window on the program and went about my own computer business.
As far as cheating went, we had a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. Early in our relationship we had agreed that sometimes things happen, at a party for example, that may make us feel guilty, but that there was no reason to tell the other person because telling would only serve to cause pain. We had also agreed that we would tell the other person if we had fallen in love with someone else.
But that certainly was not the case here; I had befriended a couple of interesting guys and liked spending time talking to them. I also emailed CO a lot, and talked to him on the phone occasionally. But that was it. As far as I was concerned both CO and T were in a shit town (strike 1), were sexually inexperienced (strike 2), and thought sex only came with love (strike 3). Uh, NOT interested.
But my husband would not trust me or believe me, which was pissing me off to no end. He had been doing an awful lot of shit that I hated but put up with for years so I figured this was just one thing that he hated but with which he’d have to deal.
More to come ….
I swear. True story.
Randomness
Posted on July 13, 2009[This bit of loveliness is by guest writer, Ralph. Please comment so he'll write more. --SSF]
Tonight, my wife wanted me to eat her pussy, so I obliged her. The last time I ate her out I had done it in a very energetic and aggressive fashion, using various techniques and exploring the entire region rather than just focusing on the clitoris. I didn’t have that kind of energy, so I let her know that it would be much different than the last experience; she didn’t seem to mind this, so I crawled forward and lowered my head as she spread her legs wide.
Using the tip of my tongue I separated her delicate lips by sliding it up along their length. When I felt the hood and the wonderful prize located underneath it, I placed my tongue there for a long moment so that she could feel the soft, yet powerful muscle poised before it went to work. Deciding what to do next I stiffened my tongue and pushed with greater force against that tight little bundle of nerves and was pleased by both the audible and physical reaction this received. Now, it should be noted here that I am an incredible tease. I just can’t help it. When I am giving pleasure, the simultaneous agony and anticipation that builds in her from delaying for a moment or longer increases my very strong enjoyment. It is not that I have control over when this person will feel such strong forces within her, but that I know by teasing her, as much as she may hate it at the time, when the orgasm finally does roll over her it will just be that much more powerful. What can I say? If I know I can give an 8.0, then I’m going to use all the tricks of which I can think to give her an 11. So, pressing the tip of my tongue with more strongly against her clit for a few seconds, I further awaken her body and prepare it for the journey ahead. At this point I back off and lift my head to smile up at her. She knows my games, so she gives a little sigh and smiles in return. After all, we both know how this will end, so what’s to get upset about if it takes a wee bit longer than she may have wanted? I spread a few lingering kisses to her inner thighs and those wonderful lines where the legs meet the torso. Deciding that I’ve probably explored enough for now, I place my mouth against her lips and again slide between them with my tongue. With my attention focused on her clit, I begin licking her rhythmically in an up and down motion, and her body immediately responds by almost imperceptibly moving with me. Up and down I work my tongue on her clit, and as her excitement intensifies I pause a moment to take her wet lips into my mouth and gently suck on them. I close my eyes as I feel the tender flesh and taste my wife in my mouth. Giving a final wet, slurp I allow her now moistened lips to part from my own, and without giving her time to think I resume my attention upon her clitoris. I decide to switch things up a bit, so rather than an up and down motion I flick my tongue quickly from side to side. I am rewarded with my first moan of the evening. She greatly enjoys this technique as I can go quite a bit faster. As she begins to respond more vocally I have to adjust myself, my cock suddenly achingly hard. I don’t allow myself to become distracted by this, though I want nothing more than to rip off my pants and bury myself fully inside her wet pussy, my balls slapping up against her with the force of my thrust. But, she’s not on any kind of birth control, and I haven’t yet gotten the vasectomy we’ve discussed. I assert my self-control, and focus on bringing my wife to orgasm.
1/3/90: A Diary Entry
Posted on July 12, 200911:03 pm
New year, yippee, skippee! Yesterday at school neither Amy nor Erica were there. I had called Amy’s house New Year’s Eve and neither of them were there. Amy at work then to a party and Erica visiting her father. After school Erica called from work and came over before her shift actually started. She was, for once, wearing jeans that actually fit. Oh gee, did she look good. She told me that Amy and Juree are a “thing” now. At first that didn’t bother me but now I’m kind of mad. Erica moved out of Amy’s so now they aren’t on very good terms. It pisses me off that something as unimportant as sex would totally screw up a good friendship. Juree broke up w/Erica because she wasn’t sexual enough. Juree had already told me that she was quite attracted to Amy so it’s obvious she broke up to get some new pussy. (Pardon the vulgarity, but that seems, to me, to be all it is.) As soon as Erica went down to LA they probably went at it. Hell, they were probably “going at it” when she was still on the bus, why waste time? Yeah, sex is fun and feels good and is all I want to do when I’m alone with someone (especially Erica right now, not right now this minute but right now this point in my life) but it shouldn’t rule someone’s life. Thinking w/ovaries is sometimes overdone. So Erica is depressed and tells me never to fall in love (today at lunch in the library) so obviously getting over or through or whatever Juree is going to take a while. We haven’t really had a chance to talk about the two of us yet but I think we need to. We just tease and talk in code at school because what else can we do? Got my senior key today. Put it on the chain around my waist. Maybe if I had never gone to LA none of this would have happened or if I never invited Erica. (That’s why Amy was always rankin’ on Erica, she felt guilty about wanting her girlfriend and tried to push her away to make it seem like not as big of a deal.) It pisses me off that I can’t tell people what kind of fun I had over vacation but I guess that’s the price I pay. While with Erica at lunch today Curtis came up to us to talk and I said something about a hickey and told him where I got them. Erica was laughing so hard she had to look the other way. I still have slight yellowing nine days later. I’ll show her tomorrow, she’ll get a kick out of it. Amy wasn’t at school again today. Did she die? Are Juree and she locked off somewhere in sexual bliss? Have I had an orgasm or not? I think I have because my body had the spasmotic [id.] jerks but they didn’t suddenly stop (she stopped before I had a chance to). I suppose I’ll just have to keep trying. Erica and I need to talk (she got her handcuffs back, will have to try them) about how we feel. The four of us have to talk because we all need to at least be acquaintance friends. I tried to talk to Mr. H yesterday but Carrie was in the room so we shook hands to talk today. I was in there at the beginning of tutorial today but Andrea was in there for a yearbook interview. So then class time was spent testing people and after class I have a class and there were also other people in there so I told Mr. H that because he hasn’t talked to me I’m going to kill myself and he told me not to do it messily. I need to know that it’s alright and he won’t think me totally deranged. Maybe right now I’m just experimenting. But I don’t know too many other people who think it’s alright much less would try it. But many a time I have felt like just springing it on my lifeskills class to see their reactions. But then again maybe not.
11:54 pm

