Random Rim Jobs

Big, fuzzy, green and white armadillo and _____ was his name-o. I was thinking that while I was sleeping here in math anal[ysis]. My arms look really disgusting–they’re all stubbley and the hairs are uneven and sticking up. I think I’ll wear long sleeves until the hair grow back right. Today in liveskills I got asked if I was a lesbian. As one might guess, I was a little appalled and I turned red. Why do I always come after s someone else? Last night Erica called me, after she had already called Juree, who wasn’t home. And last night I asked again if Juree wanted her back would she go back to her. And of course she said yes. Juree doesn’t want her back but she only has to snap her fingers and Erica’ll come running. She says she can’t help being in love with her and Juree came first. Oh, so I get punished for my fuckin’ timing? Why do I get punished for stuff I have no control over? But then Erica says she loves me and she keeps going off on how perfect I am and how easy I am to fall in love with.

She’d never been with a woman.  We went into it knowing this…Rob and I knew that Jenny had always wanted to fuck another woman, but never had the opportunity or the guts.  She was close to 30 and had never gotten to do something she so longed to do.  But she wanted to change that.

Jenny sent me an email, full of innuendo and the unwritten promise of more to come.  She was cute, a little flirty at times.  But she never straight out said that she wanted me.  When I sent Rob’s picture too, she was ready to set boundaries: “I think he’s amazing; he has a very sexy smile.  And if he could please me the way you said he pleases you…well, I know I’d be interested.  But I want something else first…” she hinted, never actually saying that she desired me.

We agreed to meet up for drinks at the hotel bar without Rob.  I paid for a room, then slipped the key in Rob’s pocket.  Our plan was for me to bring her upstairs in an hour’s time or less.

I walked into the bar, drawing stares from the men and women alike.  Whenever we had experiences like this, I wore ultra short dresses or skirts and super high, sexy heels—both guaranteed to show off my amazing legs.  This time I had on a mini-dress, black and tight.  I had sequins around my cleavage, and there was a tighter band on the legs.  As always, black, point-toed stilettos were on my feet.  I paused a moment to let my eyes adjust to the dim lighting.  When I found her, I was pleasantly surprised.  Jenn’s eyes were wide, and I knew I’d accomplished my mission right then and there.  She wanted me already.

I confidently walked over to her, leaned down and kissed her cheek, whispering something about how good it was to see her and how fabulous she looked.  She was wearing a cut-off jean skirt, tight and short.  She had on a black top with a deep v-neck.  I glimpsed the lacy edge of a red bra barely containing her gorgeous breasts.  She had on red fuck-me pumps, patent leather.  I let my lips graze her ear and I took note of her shiver.  Things were moving in my direction…

She’d already ordered us both drinks: long island ice teas.  And she was well into hers, starting to get tipsy.  Her reactions were just a little bit dulled and I could watch her eyes slide up and down my body, rest on the tops of my crossed thighs, at the apex of my upper body and legs.  It was like she was imagining what color panties I was wearing.  Not too much later in the night she’d be shocked and thrilled to discover that I had on no panties.  When she looked up and saw that I was watching her visually devour me, her breath rushed in and her face instantly looked flushed.  I noticed the flush creeping down her neck and even onto her chest.  Her magnificent cleavage turned pink…

I let her think she was catching me staring.  And when she let out a nervous giggle, I touched her thigh.  When my fingers brushed her leg, we both heated up.  It was suddenly very hot in that room.  Even I squirmed a little bit.  She wiggled her thigh, scooted her hips forward toward me.

I abruptly pulled my hand back.  I stood up and Jenn reached for my hand.  “Where are you going?” she asked.  I didn’t say a word, but I intertwined our fingers and started walking for the dance floor, giving her no choice but to follow me.  I felt her eyes burning into my ass as we walked across the hardwood floors, both of us making clicking noises in our stilettos.  I stopped abruptly at the edge of the dance floor purposely letting Jenny run straight into me.  I let her hand linger against my ass and I rocked back against her so that my hand brushed her crotch.  I felt her gasp more than I even heard it.

I turned around, while she was still reeling from finding that I’d aroused her, and slipped my left leg between hers and grabbed her hips.  I started dancing, grinding her left leg more than actually trying to keep rhythm.  I rubbed my thigh between her legs, pulling her low and close to me as often as possible.  I could feel the heat of her pussy on my leg and knew I was already wet to the touch should she be brave enough to find out.  She slipped one arm around my neck for balance.  I took advantage of that, moving one of my hands up her back, letting my arm lay against her breast.

We’d only been dancing for a couple of minutes, but Jenny was already breathing heavier.  I let go of her to slide my dress up a bit.  She looked confused.  I flipped her around, grabbed just under her hips, hard, and pressed myself against her, making us both dance low.  She arched her back, pressing back against my hips.

I whispered in her ear, “Babe, do you mind if…” and trailed off.

She practically moaned, “Mind what?”

I said, still quietly so she had to lean in to hear me, “I need to excuse myself to the restroom.”

She was a little surprised.  She stood up straighter and stepped away from me. “Oh yeah, fine. I’ll grab another drink.”

I touched her hip, stopping her.  “Come with me.”

If I hadn’t still been touching her, she might have fallen when she started walking toward me.  She looked thrilled.  I stepped away from her a bit and we didn’t touch at all on the way to the bathroom.  I walked in, held the door for her.  I shut it and locked it.  She reached for me just as I turned to reach for her.  I pushed her back into the corner and she smiled.  She was already breathing deeply when I put my right hand on her cheek, touching the side of her neck too.  She moaned softly.

I leaned over, so ready to taste her.  I snuck my tongue out, licking her bottom lip lightly.  She moaned, loudly this time, and shoved both hands into my hair, pulling my head to hers.  We kissed frantically, desperate to taste each other.  I slid my hands down her hips, around to her butt.  I moved her skirt up, gripping her ass firmly with both my hands, pulling her against me.  She rubbed on me, seeking relief.  I slid a leg between her thighs again, like when we’d been dancing.  She rocked against it, and I could feel her wetness through her panties on my thigh.  She whispered against my lips, “Oh God, JayCee.  Oh my god,” then plunged her tongue back into my mouth.  I licked down her neck and nipped lightly at the curve of her breast.  She held the back of my head, pulling me toward her still-covered nipple.  I licked the curve of her bra then straightened up as my phone started buzzing in my bra.  She looked up, surprised at feeling the vibrations against her chest.

“Yes, honey.  We’re in the bathroom downstairs,” pausing, “we’re coming up right now.”

Jenn’s eyes widened.  “Is Rob HERE?” she asked.

I couldn’t tell if she was nervous or upset or excited.  I reassured her that we’d be pleasuring each other first.  She seemed perfectly fine with that plan (and imagine, we’d had it all along!), then asked me for one favor before we went upstairs to tease Rob.

“Please let me touch you?  I…are…are you wet?”  I guided her hand between my legs and was rewarded with (again) the sound of her moans as she felt my smooth lips.  She slipped just one finger barely inside of me.  When she pulled it back out, and saw the moisture on the tip, she sighed, “this is even better than what I thought…”

As I reached behind her to unlock the door, she whispered something about rocking my world, then took my hand and followed me out the door, down the hall, and to a brown door.  I knocked, knowing Rob would answer, ready for us with a hard cock.  She squeezed my hand as the door swung open…

_________________________________________

[This sexy tidbit was by guest writer, 'JayCee Leigh.'  I would love to find out what happens next, so please comment here or contact her via her blog, www.carpoolsandcocktails.blogspot.com, or Twitter, www.twitter.com/jayceeleigh.]

Poor me, I’m feeling really sorry for myself because I don’t know exactly what to do.  I need to work on graduating, which I’m not really worried about right now.  Not because I’m not thinking about it but because I just have to pass all my second semester classes and everything’ll be fine.  But what a screwed-up love life.  Now that I’ve been told that I’m on hold while Erica gets a more disciplined life.  But what if she goes back to Juree?  That’s what I’m so afraid of, oh and looking like the loser.  But I don’t want it all to be a personal contest.  Oh, today I did 6 reps of 135 lb. of squats.  I want to try to break the girls school record by the end of this year.  It’s something like 200 some odd lbs. but if I work hard, I’ll be able to do it.  I want to prove it to myself and also to show that my legs aren’t just fat.  I have muscle.  I think it would be so cool to be a body builder.  I need a trainer and learn to eat right, etc.

[Continued from "The Pill (Part 1)."]

I went off the Pill only once. I was 23 and felt it was time to take a break from guys. I went off the Pill since I knew I would probably be too paranoid to fuck with just condoms. I stopped taking daily pills at the end of a monthly pack and didn’t start a new pack following my period.

I wasn’t off the Pill a month when I went on my first date with the man who would become the Ex. Of course we eventually had sex–before I began taking the Pill again. I had never had regular periods so I had no clue when my period was supposed to come. I freaked the fuck out. I bought a pregnancy test, the only one I’ve ever purchased.

I was not pregnant, and I went back on the Pill. As a form of birth control it was extremely effective and very convenient. When I was monogamous it was great–no condoms to use, ever.

Now that I’m not monogamous the Pill plus condoms are great. Every once in a while I forget to take a pill but then I just take one when I remember. It has never been a big deal. I’ve been on the Pill so long I doubt even missing two pills would give my body a chance to drop and egg, and chances are I’m not all that fertile anyway (both my mother and my sister tried without success to get pregnant when they were in their 30s).

Even during the years when I had no reason to pursue forms of birth control beyond the Pill, I continued to keep up with the latest birth control advances. Shots, patches, rings, and so on were all just different forms of what I was already on, hormone-wise, and I had no problem taking a pill daily, so I stayed on the Pill.

Now that I’m single, I like to be able to have sex whenever I want. I don’t like to have to wait for my period, or to bother with the period explanation with some of my fucks. So I began skipping the placebo pills included in 28-day pill packs and immediately taking the first pill of the next month. This would cause my period to be skipped, most of the time.

It was during this time, when I was supposed to have a period but I took hormone-laden pills instead so I could skip my period, that Mr. RI came over to fuck. Apparently I was bleeding a bit. Ooops. I really didn’t know until he looked down at his dick with an odd look on his face. I apologized, but it was obvious he was none too pleased. He later told me he really hates period sex. If I had known I would have rescheduled our tryst.

For years it had been known that having fewer than monthly periods is actually healthy for women. Skipping periods for honeymoons, for example, has been advocated in women’s magazines for quite some time.

I was to the point where I would have a period only every three months, and only because my prescription allowed me to get only three months of pills at a time. I had heard with envy that the IUD pretty much eliminated periods. I began thinking women who’d had at least one pregnancy were lucky in some way, which was SO not my style.

I began hearing IUDs discussed more and more. I continued to dismiss them as a viable form of birth control for me since I had never been pregnant. Then in April 2009 I had an annual exam.

The exam went as it had every year for several years. Women on the Pill are always asked if they smoke because there’s an increased risk of blood clots in the legs and cardiovascular disease in women who are on the Pill. The risk increases exponentially if a woman is both on the Pill and over 35. Now that I’m over 35 these facts are reiterated, a lot, during annual exams.

I don’t smoke. I decided it wasn’t for me when I was sixteen. I tried smoking cigarettes with the result of puking every time. Add to that, my father told me that if I smoked I’d be asked to do so outside, nothing else. Sixteen-year-old me determined that that lack of reaction wasn’t worth my nausea and vomiting. In my early twenties I went through a phase of smoking clove cigarettes when I commuted to and from work, but I grew out of that after not too long.

So in April 2009 when I asked the nurse practitioner who had performed my Pap smear what I could use for birth control if I did smoke considering my age, it was purely for curiosity. At that point during the visit to the clinic the nurse practitioner had already given me a year’s prescription for birth control pills, which, given my practice of skipping the inert pills during what should have been my monthly period, would not have lasted a full year.

The nurse practitioner told me she’d prescribe an IUD for me, most likely. I reiterated (in case she had not read the paperwork I was required to fill out at the beginning of the clinic visit) that I had never been pregnant. She informed me that my information was not current and that while they did not implant IUDs at the clinic, Planned Parenthood Golden Gate did so.

Soon thereafter I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood to have an IUD implanted. The appointment was over a month away, and in the mean time I needed to get my medical records from the clinic so Planned Parenthood was sure I’d had a recent regular Pap smear.

On July 13, 2009 I went to Planned Parenthood and had a hormonal IUD implanted. I was told to finish the current month of birth control pills, which had less than a week until completed.

After almost twenty years I am finally off the Pill; I took my last pill, late (I should have taken it on Sunday), on Monday, July 20, 2009. Of course I’ll be writing about my experience getting the IUD implanted.

I swear. True story.

[Another juicy bit from Army Guy. This one, unlike "The Air Show," is a true story. But the things it has in common with that fantasy are very interesting, like his buddy, Jake, and a two-for-one deal. Army Guy and Jake were stationed in Germany at the time. --SSF]

One Thursday in July ’06, Jake and I were sitting around his place having beers when I got the idea to go to Paris over the 4-day weekend. We packed a cooler in the back of his Tacoma, ironed some “going out” shirts and hit the road. Hijinks ensued.

Anyway, on Saturday, we were riding the train back from Versailles (it’s about 20 miles away from Paris ) when we saw some cute girls sitting the back of the empty car. We sat down across from them and asked if it would be OK to sit there since this was the only available seat in the car.

Anyway, we all hit it off. Lisette was waifishly thin and had that severe bone structure that is en vogue for runway models. Marie had a healthier figure, cute rosy cheeks and an infectious smile. She was also the only one who spoke any English. They were both obviously younger than us, but we were barely limping by with our stumbling French. Jake speaks it pretty well, so he and Lisette hit it off. The four of us ended up having Thai food for dinner and then drinks and a nearby bar.

I had been pretending to ignore Marie off and on and was watching a World Cup match on TV. Marie went over to the couch Jake and Lisette were sitting on to complain that I was ignoring her. Jake told her she ought to do something to get my attention, so she grabbed him and kissed him. I don’t think either one of us were expecting that, but whatever. Lisette didn’t like this, so she went over to me, said something very sexy sounding in French and stuck her tongue down my throat.

Jake and I looked over at each other and had one of those conversations with facial expressions. We both agreed it was time to close the tab and get the hell out. We told them there was “something we wanted to show them” in our hotel room. They giggled, but thought it was funny, so we all headed back.

Well, about an hour later, Jake and I are both banging the girls on the big queen-sized bed in the room. Marie was adorable, and each time I thrust into her, she would squeak out “oui!” I reached around to rub her clit as I was sliding into her and she started screaming her head off and swearing in French. The people down below started banging on the ceiling, which kind of turned me on, knowing people were having to listen to us fucking. After she came, she wanted me to stop immediately because she said she gets too sensitive to have sex anymore after she comes, so she plopped down on the recliner to have a cigarette.

I hadn’t come yet, so Jake ordered Lisette to start sucking my cock and make his friend come. I think this was a little more of a varsity move than they were used to, but they had been desperately trying to look cool for us the whole night, so we were taking liberal advantage of the situation. Lisette asked her friend if it was OK. Marie shrugged a little too nonchalantly and took another drag on her cigarette, so Lisette wrapped her lips around my cock as Jake continued to fuck her from behind.

The blowjob wasn’t particularly good, so I had Jake tell her that I needed her to ride me. She did, and Jake had the good idea to put it in her ass. Amazingly (sadly?) he actually had a bottle of lube in his bag, so he lubed up and put the head of his cock against her ass.

I don’t think she had ever had anal sex before, much less have two guys fuck her at the same time, so it took about 10 minutes of encouragement and Cort going very slowly to finally get it in. During those 10 minutes, Lisette was staring at me with a wild look in her eye. I stroked her hair and planted little kisses on her, whispering in her ear what a good job she was doing. She had been trying so hard all night to be cool that it was beautiful to see her so vulnerable like that.

I don’t know if this makes me bad or not, but looking into those wild, icy-blue eyes while I could indirectly feel her being penetrated, inch by inch, was the most incredible sight to behold. I’m afraid I only lasted 1 or 2 more minutes once Jake started fucking her. She didn’t come. I wish we could have made her come.

After Jake blew his load, the two of them locked themselves in the bathroom, smoked more 100′s and giggled in rapid-fire French to each other. I reclined on some pillows and got dizzy, staring at the pattern in the wallpaper too long.

I knew it to be infatuation, but I felt like I was in love with both of them. I wanted to spend a month in Paris to lavish gifts upon them and have them show me their wonderful city. I would have to settle for asking them to breakfast. Jake was in love with both of them as well, and we agreed to invite them to stay.

As it were, they couldn’t because their parents would be looking for them if they didn’t get the last train to Versailles. What silliness was this? Why did their parents want them home? Because they were both 16.

1:37 pm

Last night went to Rocky Horror w/Kristen, Jenny Byrum, and Erica. Erica insisted on paying for me because, she said, chivalry is not dead. But she’s not a guy. Oh well. I went to R.T. yesterday around 5pm to talk to Erica and get some pizza. There were these people sitting at the big round table behind me who were talking about weirdos and stuff when Gene and I were sitting there. That was fine. Then Erica brought my pizza out to me and the people laughed real loud and started talking about her. I thought eventually they’d stop. But they kept going and I was getting angrier and angrier. Finally I turned around and said, “You can shut the fuck up any time now.” I didn’t even think about it, I just did it. So then they said something like they were impressed that I spoke, I flipped them off. I said that what other people do is none of their business. They said they had to look at them. I said, “What about you?” “He said, “What do I look like?” I said, “Scum, look like scum, are scum.” So then I stormed into the kitchen. Was in the office. Kathy yelled at me for dumping salt out and I left. Matt Almer gave me a ride home and I called Kristen. Then Erica called ’cause she got off work early. She came over and we kissed again the first time in almost two weeks. She wants to tell Juree to fuck off but I know she still loves her. Now she says everything’s up to me because I know how she fells but she doesn’t know how I feel. So everything’s up to me and I don’t know what to do. Last night I had two separate dreams about Erica. The first about sex–we were fooling around. I didn’t get satisfied enough. The second was at my mom’s house in her room on the bed. Erica was writing something on a drawing of a rose she had done. She was writing something to the effect of, I’ve waited 18 years to find someone like you. And it was for me. Then I got in a fight with my mother but that doesn’t count for much. So maybe I should take a chance. Maybe she really does like me a lot. I just have to find some way to tell her. I must like her, I think about her all the time. I’ll just have to say I’m gonna go for it. Anyway, at Rocky, we sat w/a seat between us but held hands. It’s incredible what a little touch can do when it’s forbidden. Just holding hands with her gets me kind of excited. Just got through watching “Fatal Attraction.” Very good movie. The weather is just great, can’t see very far. Thought I had to work at 3 but I don’t until 5. I have to work with Juree today. I’m really excited about that one. I don’t know if I should call Erica or not. If I want to why don’t I because I don’t want to play games.

9:07 am

Well, I don’t believe I deserve this crap, I’m a good person. I was going to stop talking to them altogether but first I wanted to tell Erica I wasn’t

2:49 pm

Now I’ve talked to Amy. I told her I wasn’t too happy